I forgot to send someone a document by a deadline, for nearly the first time in my life,
because their building was too far away for me to walk to drop it off so I was going to take the papers home and scan it,
and then I forgot about it and never did it.
by "for nearly the first time in my life"
I mean one time in high school I submitted a Latin assignment a day late because I forgot it at home.
Pretty sure that's the only other time I've forgotten something.
It's funny, (it's not) -
When you're the person who remembers "the important stuff" constantly,
no one reminds you.
"Oh I'm sure they'll remember it, they're good at this stuff"
"Do you mind reminding me about [completely irrelevant unrelated thing]?"
My brain basically functioned as a google calendar for other people for several years as a graduate student and I am never getting that brain power back.
Don't mind me, I was just sobbing for an hour tonight saying "why does no one ever help me" because I've been consistently used as a reminder robot by other people for years and no one has done the same for me.
And that document that I missed the deadline of was absurdly crucial
[Things are mostly "okay"]
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One day recently, I woke up, mostly awake, and I laid in bed for 3 hours afterwards.
I wasn't even comfortable. I was on my phone on twitter. But I just didn't want to Do All The Things.
2/13
What are all the things?
Sitting up
Getting dressed
Deciding on breakfast
Getting a bowl
Putting it on a desk
Eating the food
Thinking about work
Being anxious about work
Trying to motivate myself to work
Finding a podcast or music to listen to
An autistic person commented about the autistic burnout post I wrote
that they thought they were "faking it"
and I just think that entire comment encompasses what it is like to be autistic in this world.
You have been told so many times that X/Y/Z shouldn't bother you, or that you're a hypochondriac, or that you're [insert assumption here] that it's so easy to just believe it and tell it to yourself over and over.
Society conditions autistic people to gaslight ourselves.
The 6 months before I had an "official" autism diagnosis but knew from all the research I did I was probably autistic,
I just kept telling myself "Well you're just too anxious, people say you're a hypochondriac, you're just looking for something to be special about you!"
"Why did cis white non-autistic researchers create absurd diagnostic criteria off of autistic cis white boys and literally no other demographic while equating autism to behavior?"
It's fine to talk about a specific demographic (and I don't have access to the article),
But focusing on cis white autistic women as a "why are they going under the radar narrative" continues to erase autistic people of color and LGBTQ+ autistic people.
I just don't see any other articles that are going to be getting as much coverage that say
"Transgender people and autism: Why are there so many new diagnoses?"
or
"People of color and autism: Why are there so many new diagnoses?"
My granddad is (slowly) dying of cancer.
The last interaction I had with him via email, I wished him a happy birthday. I used my name that I had just picked out a few weeks prior.
He deadnamed me and said I'd always be his daughter.
1/6
When I told my "supportive" family about it, I was told that "I'm sure it was out of love." As if that's.. okay? They're old so it's.. okay?
That email broke me for at least 2 weeks. It took up my brain space.
My family later told me that he's good with it now..
2/6
I get cards from my grandma with my correct name. She seems supportive still. I do not expect them to correctly gender me.
My granddad's cancer is likely getting worse.
I've been told I should visit him in the next few months.
3/6
I think cis women are actually the worst when it comes to using my correct pronouns. Ugh.
No matter what I do they will do it.
It's like they don't think it hurts anyone, or that it's wrong, or that it's unhelpful, or that it's dysphoria-causing.
I think if I don't physically tell them to use my correct pronouns every second I interact with them, they're entitled to misgender me.
They're not. 🙃
Deadnamed by my advisor for 4 months.
Misgendered by faculty I TA for for entire semester.
Misgendered by students all last semester and this semester. It just continues.
They don't give a shit.
You have to be grateful, charismatic, charming, "nice" about it, for them to care 1 ounce. You have to allow them to misgender you 20 times and never correct them.