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adhd-angsty Profile picture
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12 Oct, 5 tweets, 1 min read
I hate that practically every resource about ADHD and relationships is framed around "how to put up with your ADHD partner and all the ways they will fail you".

My partner and I BOTH have ADHD, and it is the most fulfilling, stable, and joyous relationship I've ever been in.
Honestly, if you're dating an ADHDer, and you find ADHD traits like losing things, being late, interrupting etc to be dealbreakers...don't date them. You don't have to put up with those things, but you also can't force your partner to magically be someone else.
My partner and I interrupt each other all the time- I love how energetic we are. I often lose things- he helps me find them. He finds it hard to focus on big convos- so we chat in bed where there are less distractions. These traits are not objective relationship ruiners.
There is no universal rulebook of relationships. Romance comes down to individuals, working out how they fit together. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. And yes, ADHD probably makes me a incompatible partner for some. But it doesn't make me a bad partner all together.
There is nuance here, and at some stage I'll do an actual thought-out thread digging into relationship norms and ADHD. For now, I just want to pass on a polite fuck you to all the people who insinuate I am doomed to relationship failure because I lose my keys too often. Come on.

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More from @AdhdAngsty

adhd-angsty Profile picture
18 Sep
I’d rather live in a world where some people mistakenly think they have ADHD before doing more research, than a world where ADHD has no visibility. A psychiatrist confirmed my self-diagnosis, but I never would have known to look into ADHD without memes and social media.
ADHD's diagnostic criteria is based on what it looks like to others- how much we seem like we're not paying attention, how much we seem like we're not listening, how much we talk "excessively" (who determines what excessive is, by the way?).
Conversely, memes and threads and stories capture how ADHD *feels*. I remember going onto the ADHD women’s subreddit and seeing posts about losing keys and letting friends down and having 15 mugs
on your desk at once. I remember seeing myself.
Read 9 tweets
adhd-angsty Profile picture
1 Sep
On ADHD + catastrophizing:

Do you ever think about the impact of consistently telling kids their ADHD related struggles mean they're lazy, careless etc? No wonder some of us catastrophize- many of us were taught that small mistakes DO make us inherently bad.
Growing up, adults consistently made assumptions about what my behaviour meant. I lost things because I was careless, forgot homework because I was lazy, was late because I was selfish etc. As a child I knew this wasn't true and that I was trying really hard to be "good".
But, to the adults around me, behaviour equaled intent. And they expected me to show remorse for that intent, to apologise, and to adjust my behavior accordingly. No matter how hard I tried, I kept making mistakes, which they took as me not bothering to change.
Read 10 tweets
adhd-angsty Profile picture
2 Aug
Don't mind me, just sitting here thinking about how angry flatmates and family used to get at me for leaving kitchen cabinet doors open, when it turns out it's related to my ADHD. They always made me feel super inconsiderate even though I tried SO hard to remember.
I'm not saying that ADHD is a get out of jail free card for annoying your flatmates, but it's also not cool to moralise an ADHDer's behavior based on assumptions e.g. interpreting someone leaving kitchen cabinet doors open as them not respecting or caring about the shared space.
I'd love for people with ADHDers in their lives to think critically about what's important and why. If ur consistently hitting your head on cabinet doors or some equivalent, I get the frustration. But if it's bc of what it represents, are u sure it means what you think it means?
Read 6 tweets
adhd-angsty Profile picture
1 Aug
Too many doctors resist diagnosing people with chronic illness bc they think it's not worth it, or that people get "worse" and "depressed" after the diagnosis. Hmmm, maybe people appear visibly worse bc diagnosis validates them and they stop pretending everything is fine???
It's absolutely bizarre to me that so many doctors seem to think the diagnosis is what causes the discomfort, rather than the symptoms. It really feels like they're revealing the extent to which they believe what their patients are telling them.
Even if something can't be "treated", a diagnosis means recognition. You have terms to google, and a community with strategies to lean on. You can tell your workplace. Your family believe you. You believe YOURSELF that what you're going through is real and deserves care.
Read 6 tweets
adhd-angsty Profile picture
22 Jul
I pretty much try to use this approach whenever I can and it helps SO much.
vm.tiktok.com/ZSJpEqF1Y/
ps where can I find a therapist like this rather than ones who think they're gonna mental fitness me into having reliable routines lmao
Read 4 tweets
adhd-angsty Profile picture
7 Jul
I am tired of seeing people (esp rich white cis men) pitch ADHD as a gift/superpower, when there are so many other variables at play that enable them to embrace and be celebrated for the strengths of ADHD. It's so disingenuous.
I'm still critical of framing ADHD as a curse to be cured, but claiming it's a superpower is not an alternative I support. It implies people's experiences of ADHD are totally within their control, and that they're individually to blame if they're not thriving with their "gift".
In reality, the extent to which your external context accommodates and accepts you will deeply impact your experience of ADHD. Money = better access to accommodations. And whiteness= greater acceptance for neurodivergent behavior.
Read 7 tweets

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