Thread by @muddymuddymum

I forgot to tell you about what happened with the sheep last week….

We had to move the sheep around so we could do the checks on the ewes feet.

Farmer and I had a little disagreement, so he went off on the farm and I thought “bollocks to this, I will do it on my own”

1

The lambs needed to go down to near where the ewes were, and the ewes needed to come up to where the lambs were.

The lambs, being my faithfully trained and gorgeous bundles of fluff were brilliant. I yelled Martha, the whole lot came running and followed me out of the field.

2

We marched down the Lane, sometimes slowly as the ones at the back faffed about like kids do but still we did it and I popped at 21 into the field. Martha refusing to leave my side until I handed over the bucket of snackies

Still, it went perfectly. And this bolstered my idea

3

The girls were there, already to move. Waiting at the gate. Easy I thought, because these are well trained, well primed ewes who know exactly where they are going.

That was my first mistake.

I shut all the gates along the lane. And thought… I can do this. On my own….

4

That was my second mistake.

I blocked off the exits. One with the mule, one with myself. All they had to do was come out the gate and turn left. Sheep love turning left. Easy.

They came out. Some went up the Lane. Maud, Kim, Blink decided that I was the better option.

5

In running towards me, they all came running towards me. I may be bulkily built but I am no match for 115 fat freaking ewes.

They ram past me and over the cattle grid, like it was the grand National and a mere minor obstacle.

Down the Lane they ran with me in hot pursuit.

6

They say don’t chase pregnant ewes. They never mention anything about pregnant ewes chasing you.

It was like running a marathon. Who was going to win, them or me

They won, because I was just not fast enough to get ahead.

They took the first exit they saw

Farmers rape field

7

All went trampling into the field. I’m thinking Farmer is going to kill me for this. One for moving them on my own. Two for his field.

The fat fluffy freaks decide that this is where they want to be and refused to budge.

My third mistake became rapidly apparent. No phone.

8

I leg it in the mule back up to the farm to find Farmer. He’s having a jolly time talking to the postman.

“The sheep are in the rape”, I bellow

He looks bemused and then his face turns to horror.

He grabs another vehicle and follows me down

9

I don’t think I ever sworn so much in my life, and I am normally a sweary Mary. The sheep won’t budge.

It took a good while to get them to exit the field, heading them back to where they came from. Half went back in the field, half went up the Lane.

10

This was the point I lost it. I hated the sheep. I hated the farm. I hated gates (or even lack of in places) i hated everything and promptly I bursted into tears.

Farmer took charge, taking the errant sheep on the Lane up and leaving the stupid ones in the field behind

11

The next day, he organised someone else to help him with the sheep (I don’t think I can be trusted again)

So if there are any lessons to be had from my sorry tale, take these:

1. Don’t do it alone
2. Don’t assume it will go to plan
3. Always have your phone on you

12

Unroll please @threadreaderapp