A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard.
Suddenly, the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.
Still in mid-rant she heard a tap on her window & looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed & placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours she was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him.”
“I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally I assumed you had stolen the car."

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More from @RCdeWinter

11 Dec
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping. The store clerk called 911 when he saw him collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open-heart bypass surgery.
He awoke from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at Saint Dismas Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms &asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.
Do you have health insurance?" He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"He replied, "No money in the bank.”
Read 5 tweets
11 Dec
A woman walked out of a doctor’s office after being diagnosed with cancer. She was grieving but tried to compose herself in front of her daughter, who was waiting for her outside.
She broke the news to her daughter by saying, “We women celebrate every news, whether good or bad. I hate to break it to you, but I have cancer. So, I want us to go to the club and have a martini.”
At the club, they had a few martinis and were starting to feel a bit somber. A few of the woman’s friends noticed them & asked what she was celebrating.
Read 5 tweets
11 Dec
There’s a worm named Nate that’s been guarding the world since time began. Nate’s amazing. He guards the lever on a side of a mountain that’s always been “on”. Nate’s never let it switch to “off”, and that’s a good thing.
Though there’s never been a serious threat to the lever, he’s always stayed nearby to protect it and us.
In celebration of National Lever Day, people came from far & wide to invite Nate down from his post to join them for a hamburger at the little stand down the road.
Nate was thrilled and worked his little worm body away from the lever and down the mountain where thousands of people awaited him.
Read 6 tweets
11 Dec
A hunter killed and ate a bald eagle and was arrested for violating the Endangered Species Act. He pled guilty, and threw himself on the mercy of the court.
"Your Honor," the hunter said, "I had no idea that it was illegal to kill and eat a bald eagle. If you let me go, I'll never do it again."
"You've committed a very serious crime," the judge replied. "But you clearly weren't aware of the law, so I'm willing to overlook it this one time. However, before I let you go, I'm going to ask you to do one thing."

"Anything, Your Honor," the hunter replied. "What is it?"
Read 5 tweets
11 Dec
How many Tweeple does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and are offended by light bulb discussions.

6 to argue over whether it's 'lightbulb' or 'light bulb.'
Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.

22 to tell THOSE 6 to stop being jerks.

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is 'lamp.'
Read 9 tweets
11 Dec
#pandemic #poetry

Requiem

In the black velvet night
I hear the stars singing
a love letter to the dead
in every language known to man.

I hear the stars singing
a litany of names
in every language known to man –
a reminder of all we’ve lost.
A litany of names
flowing in an endless river –
a reminder of all we’ve lost –
echoes through the cosmos.
Flowing in an endless river,
a love letter to the dead
echoes through the cosmos
in the black velvet night.

© 2021 RC deWinter

Published in Five on the Fifth @fiveonthefifth in Volume 7, Issue 1, November 2021
My thanks to the crew and guest editor @ashley_dawn_w
Read 5 tweets

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