1/. As an investigative journalist, people often approach me to use my skills to look into things

A recent example was this photo of John & Yoko

You might see it & not notice anything out of the ordinary, but for me something about their arse-cracks “didn’t pass the smell test”
2/. As an investigative journalist, one learns never to take things at face value

One arse-crack may appear to be longer than the other, but as the Muller-Lyer optical illusion shows, appearances can be deceptive

So like all good investigators, I turned to science & got a ruler
3/. By measuring their butt-cracks I was able to ascertain that this was no optical illusion

But whilst most people would have left it at that, I still wasn’t satisfied

I did further in-depth research & discovered this photo

This was proof that the other picture was...a fake!
4/. This example shows how the finely attuned instincts & intricate research skills of an investigative journalist can unveil deception & expose fake news

But sometimes, you don’t need skills to know that a huge arse-crack is just that

A huge arse crack!
5/. Do you have what it takes be a great investigative journalist?

Find out by answering these questions about the thread above

If you get all 4 out of 4 right you could be well on your way (it’s a bit like that GCHQ quiz they use to select spies)

“I knew right away that...”

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More from @StefSimanowitz

21 Dec
Tonight is the longest night of the year.

Sunset over Stonehenge & from space👇#WinterSolstice #WinterSolstice2021 Image
“Be like the sun for grace & mercy
Be like the night to cover others' faults
Be like running water for generosity. Be like death for rage & anger
Be like the Earth for modesty
Appear as you are
Be as you appear”
(Rumi)

Photos of #WinterSolstice sunrise: @EH_Stonehenge/@Minispecs ImageImageImageImage
Read 4 tweets
19 Dec
1/. In May, when we could only meet one person, the PM was drinking in the No.10 garden

When our Christmases were cancelled they we’re having parties

On 5/3/20, when the PM was saying “one theory is we could #TakeItOnTheChin” the 1st Briton died of #COVID19
(Pic @Coldwar_Steve)
2/. Around the table with @BorisJohnson are:

👉Dominic Cummings, with a glass of wine, one week before the #BarnardCastle story broke

👉Andrew Reynolds, the guy who’s investigating whether anyone in No.10 broke #COVID19 rules by attending parties

👉Carrie Symonds with the baby
3/. “You can meet one other person from outside your household in an outdoor, public place. But please keep 2 metres apart. Please stick with the rules & don’t take risks”

@MattHancock, 15 May 2020, the same day as the #DowningStParty & 2 days after the #CareHomeScandal broke👇
Read 5 tweets
13 Dec
1/. #DidITellYouAboutTheTime I saved @wyclef's life?

It was in 2005, & I was in the stalls of a packed Hammersmith Apollo to see the Fugees reunion gig

@MsLaurynHill came out & did a solo of Lost Ones

Then @PrasMichel joined her & they did How Many Mics

But where was Wyclef?
2/. Before I go on, I should say that the pics (from the gig) are by Tabitha Fireman tabathafireman.com

This was the days when no one pulled out a smart phone during a gig 'cos smart phones didn't exist

But if anyone DOES have footage, please share

It would help the story
3/. I should also say I thought it was a stonking show, unlike @TheCSullivan who gave it this 2-star review!

She also describes @wyclef as being "avuncular" that night

"Avuncular" wouldn't have been my adjective of choice

I'd have gone for "out of it"!
theguardian.com/music/2005/dec…
Read 8 tweets
9 Dec
1/. Eight years ago, when news of Lou Reed’s broke, atheist minister @AndyPakula tweeted:

“Would anyone like to organise a rocking memorial service for Lou Reed? I’ll supply the London church”

I got in touch

Six days later, 150 gathered for the 3 hour “Wake on the Wild Side”.
2/. “Lou Reed helped us explore the darkest corners of our minds & souls & to accept it was OK to be ourselves. He taught people to live the whole of life. The parts that suck & the parts that are painful. The part where we live & the part where we die.” ceasefiremagazine.co.uk/wake-wild-side…
3/. The entire 3hr Wake on the Wild Side was live-streamed & is still on @YouTube👇

Readings, reminiscences, a meditation & performances with song sheets given out for the audience to sing along to Satellite of Love, Sunday Morning & Walk on the Wild Side
Read 5 tweets
8 Dec
1/. Happy 93rd birthday Noam Chomsky!

Years ago, I was working for @libertyhq & Chomsky was keynote speaker at our conference

I volunteered to pick him up from an event at the LSE & drive him across town to our event

I parked outside - on a yellow line - & ran in to get him. Image
2/ I ran up a staircase & along a corridor to the lecture hall where Chomsky had just finished his lecture

He was at the front of the hall surrounded by a mob of eager students

I fought my way to through the crowd, eventually managing to introduce myself & slowly prise him away Image
3/ When we got outside, a traffic warden was writing me a ticket

I tried to explain but the traffic warden was having none of it

"But this is Noam Chomsky! One of world’s greatest thinkers” I said

"If he's so clever,” he replied. “How come he’s parked on a double yellow line?"
Read 6 tweets
7 Dec
Something about this entire #no10ChristmasParty doesn't pass the smell test

Lots of people - possibly journalists themselves - knew about it, so why has it taken a year to come out?

Who is doing the drip drip leaking?

It feels as it if is being deliberately dragged out

Why?
Magician's call it "misdirection" - creating distractions - controversies for the media to chase - to mislead or discombobulate their audience

A master of it was Putin's advisor, Vladislav Surkov

Some suggest Cummings spent time with Surkov in the 1990s
For 11 days solid, ministers have been saying "a party didn't happen & even if it had, it didn't breach the rules"

It's like the time an unbriefed @Helen_Whately was savaged by @piersmorgan...& then went back on his show 6 days later, equally clueless
Read 4 tweets

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