This requires a mini thread to explain.
First of all, this is the heady days of perestroika. "Videomagnitophones" have just appeared, illicitly, in enterprising Soviet citizens' hands, but they still don't know they are called VCRs. Many don't have PAL-SECAM decoders...
First of all, this is the heady days of perestroika. "Videomagnitophones" have just appeared, illicitly, in enterprising Soviet citizens' hands, but they still don't know they are called VCRs. Many don't have PAL-SECAM decoders...
https://twitter.com/RERittenhouse/status/1474594517105975296
... which means all pirated video fare is in black and white. But those who manage to procure the vaunted equipment, open a "video salon."
Here is how it worked.
First, the pirated American movie featuring either Schwarzenegger/Stalone/Bruce Lee or Debbie Does Dallas is dubbed...
Here is how it worked.
First, the pirated American movie featuring either Schwarzenegger/Stalone/Bruce Lee or Debbie Does Dallas is dubbed...
All of them, every single one, in every possible genre, is dubbed by a single man, named Volodarsky. Volodarsky has an incredible work ethic but zero voice actor talent. All of the characters, male, female and alien, sound exactly the same - like Volodarsky in real life...
Volodarsky has a chronic sinus condition that makes him sound like a dying walrus wailing from the bottom of a pool of snot. Throughout the late 1980s and all of the 1990s every single Hollywood actor and actress sounded like this everywhere in the Former USSR.
He is legend...
He is legend...
Anyway, once the movie is badly translated and atrociously dubbed, it is released into the immense illicit "video salon" market.
Here is how it worked on the consumer end.
You are a Soviet teenager walking down the Glorious Communist Construction Workers Street in your town...
Here is how it worked on the consumer end.
You are a Soviet teenager walking down the Glorious Communist Construction Workers Street in your town...
You see a crude, hand-drawn poster advertising a local "video salon" and the movie it is showing. The movie titles usually don't tell you much, but underneath, the genre is usually indicated.
There are two genres: "boyevik" (action) and "pornukha" (guess)...
There are two genres: "boyevik" (action) and "pornukha" (guess)...
The former MUST have Arnold, Sly, Lee or Chuck Norris. The latter is literally any film featuring a guest appearance by the female breast.
If you are interested (you are a Soviet teenager, which means HOLY FUCK AFFIRMATIVE), your destination is a basement of a nearby project...
If you are interested (you are a Soviet teenager, which means HOLY FUCK AFFIRMATIVE), your destination is a basement of a nearby project...
There, a man with tattooed fingers will take your ruble (the price of a Party-approved cinematographic fare at the Maxim Gorky Glorious Workers' Cinema Theatre is 25 kopecks) and sit you on one of the chairs standing in a crescent around a TV set mounted on a rickety stand...
Once about 20 of you have gathered, the man (his name is Igor, it is always Igor) will approach the magical "videomagnitophone" under the TV set, pop the tape in, and you will be exposed to the grainy image of Norris kicking people in the head while speaking in Volodarsky's voice
Many people mention Chernobyl, Reagan, the Berlin Wall and food shortages.
But, friends, this is how the Soviet Union ACTUALLY died.
But, friends, this is how the Soviet Union ACTUALLY died.
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