Thread by @EBKania

I've tried to push past or ignore it but can’t deny that working on #AfghanEvac initiatives since the fall of Kabul has taken a toll on me—mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, and professionally. This has been a very dark winter in that regard.

https://twitter.com/shawnjvandiver/status/1479816013399019523

I’ve struggled to concentrate most days; I’ve struggled to be "productive" on projects that I'm supposed to be pursuing. I’ve struggled with guilt over seeing so much pain and trauma, even if from a distance, when there is so little I can do in the vast majority of situations.

There is a deep, harsh guilt that comes from receiving hundreds of desperate messages (since my number, like that of many volunteers, has been shared/distributed so extensively at this point), whether weekly, daily, or hourly, and struggling with the sense of intense moral injury

that comes from struggling with questions of who or how to help, when time/resources/pathways to safety are limited, often nonexistent at this point. I have to live with that and a sense of always failing even while recognizing these mistakes and failures are inherently systemic

I never served in Afghanistan, nor do I know those whom I am trying to help personally. Notionally, I have no obligation to them beyond that of a fellow human being, though that is perhaps the gravest obligation of all, heightened by a sense of personal complicity/responsibility

because I recognize as a US citizen, I/we can't truly escape the connection to that which happens as an outcome of policies pursued in our names, because, in no small part, of choices by our institutions that contributed to such catastrophe and consequences, borne by others.

At the same time, I recognize this experience is far, far less personal or visceral and agonizing for me than for those who have more firsthand experience of war or immediate connections to the situation on the ground, those who have family and close friends in imminent danger.

Any pain or trauma that I've experienced is trivial and at some distance, compared to that of those who are mourning friends and families, or the loss of a beloved homeland. The courage and resilience of Afghan American and Afghan diaspora communities is incredible and inspiring—

as is that of Afghan families who remain in such danger in Kabul or in exile, including so many who served and fought alongside the United States as our allies for years, suffering the worst of the costs of a tragic conflict yet now receiving next to no support in return.

While there are moments I'm inclined to despair, I see there are those braver by far than I, including so many women who remain in grave danger in Kabul today, women my age or my sisters' or even younger, who won't give up or stop fighting for their futures. We can't either.

So I'm proud to have been working with the @AfghanEvac Coalition since the fall of Kabul and to be continuing to volunteer through the incredible @HumanFirstAfg, which continue onwards, along with so many other amazing organizations and individuals, in this tragic endeavor.

And ultimately, we will, as we must, keep working to sustain these efforts (and ourselves) as best we can one day at a time, one effort at a time, one family at a time, even (and especially) when these days are darker or the winter is colder.

And for those who want to learn more or may want to get involved in some capacity going forward, the #AfghanEvac coalition has compiled a range of resources: afghanevac.org

And @HumanFirstAfg is always looking for more volunteers across several programs (humanfirstcoalition.org/volunteer), and I'd encourage anyone who can to consider making a donation as well, as each step helps (humanfirstcoalition.org/make-a-donation).