Thread by @TheCrisses

We want to talk about role models. Break that idea down and think about it…role models aren't meant to be perfect people. There are no perfect people. Investing too much in role models is a sign of issues on the raving fan end of the equation.

Encouraging raving fans is a problem on a potential role model's end of the equation. Having a need for adoration. Both ends have issues of a sense of lack and a need to fill, and potentially broken boundaries between them.

It becomes a toxic energy exchange between the adorers and the adored.

As both ends are flawed people, the chances these stories end tragically is very real. The adored, raised up on their pedestal, has enormous performance pressure.

They “don't want to let their fans down” and jump through hoops for appearing perfect. They mask tightly. They're anxious about their image. They cannot be authentic. Where there are adorers there are critics, and rumors, and trolls. Scrutiny.

We all know how at least some of these toxic relationships end, with the cherished falling from grace, the fans devastated or crushed, much hand-wringing and lamenting the fallen hero, lots of news or posts about it, and the fallen disgraced.

Go back to “role model”. This is not meant to be a pedestal, there is not meant to be adoration. The model is for inspiration not worship, copying is meant to be a few strengths, not hanging on their actions or investing your self-esteem in their life.

We are each individually responsible to bring our most whole self possible to our relationships, including those who have traits we may admire and wish to emulate. We cannot fill our deficits with another's life & successes.

We have everything we need between our ears. We may need to learn how to use it. We may need to heal. Hanging our hopes, dreams, sense of worth, etc. on someone else is dangerous for both. They feel responsible for you (fans) & cannot care as well for themself.

So if you want to do yourself/ves a favor, and do your idols a favor, consider your connections. Whose words do you hang on? Who do you need to hear from? Who has a hold over your moods and how you feel depends on how they're doing.

Doesn't need to be anyone famous. They may not be aware that you've attached to them. There are ways to disentangle from them safely, and fill your own broken and empty places without needing others to fill you.

Healing your own self, you bring more of you to all your relationships without leaning on others in a toxic way, so when they stumble, you do not fall. You might be strong enough to help steady them. And that's a much healthier relationship, taking turns.

Singular or plural, individuals who need more information on how to heal from these types of issues, please see kinhost.org/Main/Emotional…

Please take really good care of yourselves.

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@threadreaderapp unroll

Rereading our own thread it's like yeah we definitely have the autistic disregard for "authority" positions. We reject the whole idea of inherent castes or respect because of a degree or badge or a published work, etc.

There's more about this in both The Book of Joy and The Culture Code. Humility (we all are born helpless, we all fart, we all make mistakes), abolishing the "don't question leadership" paradigm (blindly following leaders is dangerous; question authority!).