Thread by @StupidRock

#pregnancyhelpline
"Can I just trauma dump?" a sobbing girl asks me.
You know, I am actually really, really not good with feelings. I don't like to see others' pain. I am uncomfortable sitting with people in it. Because I want to fix it. I want them to be happy.

1/

I want them to not hurt. And when I can't DO anything to help, I just feel like a useless lump of coal. So emotional calls make me uncomfortable. But I can't tell her no, either. Like, this is my job. I just feel so bad at it sometimes.

2/

But anyways. We talk and her story comes out. She's pregnant. The baby's father loves her, she says, and she loves him. But he does not want the baby and has told her that he thinks she should get an abortion. But she doesn't want that, and she's not going to do it.

3/

But life is really, really hard right now. Bad family stuff, bad job stuff, bad trauma stuff. Just all the bad things, you know? She just needs to vent.
She shares a suspicion she can barely say out loud. She talks around it a lot before just saying it outright:

4/

"I think he's being nice to me right now to guilt me into having an abortion."
She suspects a nefarious motive for all the nice things he has done for her recently. She suspects he is doing it all so she feels indebted to him even more, dependent on him even more, so she...

5/

...will be convinced that his suggestion is the way to go.
And...I don't know him. Or her, really. I can't tell if that is an accurate assessment of his actions or not. But she feels this sinking suspicion deep down, and it taints everything associated with him.

6/

She is feeling much better near the end of the call, and she takes a referral to a PHC she didn't even know was in her town.
Sometimes, when I want to help someone, I can go too fast. My offer of a helping resource comes across as just pushing off a problem to someone else.

7/

In reality, usually I just want the person to be able to get the help they have expressed needing, and I know of a place/resource that can help with that. But if we're not careful, if we don't show empathy, if we don't listen, and if we don't build trust and rapport, we can...
8/

...actually push away people seeking help when that is the opposite of what we want for them. (This is true in real life, too, not just on the job.)
9/9
Free life advice, right there