Thread by @diaryofa9jagirl

Before You Get that Divorce… Breathe

I know there are posts everywhere on the internet about leaving a relationship or marriage when you are unhappy but very rarely do you hear about people (especially young couples) who took their time to work things out.

Marriage is beautiful but totally worth the wait. Our courtship was long distance but the man at the other end was completely amazing and I could swear I was smitten.

He loved me and still loves me beyond words but there is more to marriage than love. Friendship is most important and it births love. Perfect!

There was a man who thought I was the best thing in the world and at another end was me who  didn't want to seem less worthy of the heavily jewelled crown he bestowed on me.

Long story short, we got married and I was genuinely happy, or so I thought. No! It wasn't out of pressure, I wasn't so keen on marriage I was one of those who believed it happens when it happens.

I moved to live with him then we started proper courtship. I then realised he wasn't the man I wanted in my life. He was perfect but he wasn't perfect for me. I hadn't found my happy place hence I couldn't give happiness.

We would fight over everything and I travelled a lot to clear my head. At less than 4months into our marriage, I asked for a divorce and this man broke down. I still remember how we sat on the bare floor in our bedroom and bared our hearts to each other.

It wasn't him I didn't like, it was the fact that I was not myself around him, he had specific characteristics that he thought defined me and I wasn't them. We decided to take it slow and start all over again and he promised me that if I was still unhappy, we will split ways.

He was completely understanding. It was weird that I would rather talk to third parties about things that worried me but felt uncomfortable talking to my husband.

We started afresh and we took time to know ourselves better, we respected each other's privacy and lived like housemates for weeks , slowly we became friends, then lovers.

Today? I still ask myself 'what if I got that divorce?

At the end, we took time to find our happy place first then we fell completely in love with each other. It's been three years now and we have a child together. Would I choose him again? Most definitely.

My marriage story could have ended in many sad ways leaving us both at the mercies of clueless people eager to point at us and laugh while offering series of advices and the usual 'marriage is not by force,’ but it ended up favouring us both.

From my short experience, I have learnt that marriage should only be embraced when you are totally ready and best friends with the person you are taking with you and always bear in mind, your happiness comes first because except you are genuinely happy, you can't give happiness.

When both parties are genuinely happy, inhaling the air around them would leave you in smiles. Happiness is contagious.

Anonymous