cicer Profile picture
Feb 22 10 tweets 3 min read
#dadxianweek #pregjiseason

I do think that modern wangxian marry young, and start their family young! I think they have three biokids, two adopted kids, and probably two more unofficial foster kids that they just happened to pick up.
(Hey, their teenage kids have some friends with a lousy home life! What are wangxian supposed to do, NOT adopt those kids? I think NOT.)

Anyway. They're very happy and have a nice overflowing house.

And then. The day comes when their youngest finally moves out. 🥲
Spoiler alert: wangxian absolutely cannot cope as empty-nesters.

Everyone who knows they started a family young is like, "Oh, how nice for you two! You're only 42 and you've already got the house to yourselves! You can travel and have fun and be carefree!"
But wangxian are just moping around the house.

No babies to take care of? No kids to drive to soccer practice? No math homework to help with? No college application essays to proofread? No afterschool snacks to prepare? No PTA meetings to attend?

This is BULLSHIT. 😭
They last about three months before they decide they NEED to snag at least two more foster babies.

And then, just as they sign the paperwork, they realize that LWJ's overdue period (which he thought was the start of menopause) is actually a pregnancy. 🙃
And hey, you're more likely to have twins if you get knocked up in your 40s, so maybe it's two babies!

Anyway. Wangxian now have four more kiddos to look after, and lots of snacks to prepare, and lots of diapers and homework and PTA meetings.

They are At Peace Once Again. 😌
And by the time the SECOND generation of wangxian babies is grown up and out of the house, wangxian have at least six grandkids!

So if they get lonely and empty-nesty, WWX can just call up one of his kids.

"You unfilial child! Why don't you ever let us see our grandchildren?!"
"...Baba. We visited you two days ago. 🤨"

"That's an ETERNITY for an old fart like me! I could have DIED in the meantime, you know!"

"You're only 60, Baba. 🤨"

"BRING ME MY GRANDCHILDREN THIS AFTERNOON OR LAN ZHAN AND I WILL PASS AWAY."

"*long sigh* Yes, Baba."
Wangxian have no shame about pulling the whole I-could-be-dead-tomorrow-you-know routine in order to secure more time with their grandbabies!

Their kids are skeptical, given that their parents enjoy hiking and gardening, and they just traveled to Aruba for spring break. 🤨
Very suspicious that their parents are suddenly at death's door when they go five (5) business days without seeing their grandkids. 🤨

Oh well. Free babysitting is free babysitting, after all!

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More from @cicerfics

Feb 22
I'm having a comedic little brainworm about an AU where LWJ meets the 'evil bandit' WWX, and promptly decides that getting kidnapped by an evil and seductive bandit would be in his best interest, really.
LWJ: *spots the famous and famously-handsome WWX riding along the path*

LWJ: ...

LWJ: ...

LWJ: ...A notorious bandit dares to attack me while I am fulfilling my duties, like any other respectable person. What has this world come to. 😔
WWX: ...Ehh? No, young master, I've already stolen enough silver for the day. Don't worry, you're safe from me this time, haha! 😜

LWJ, already dismounting from his horse: The wickedness of this world is astounding.
Read 25 tweets
Feb 20
Thanks to @/orca_day and @/enigmatree, I am Thinking about Mothxian (secretly an Eldritch Entity) and Witchji.

I am thinking about tiny little moth-person WWX swooning delicately into Witchji's hands! He is only a tiny barely-magical being! He needs the tender care of a witch!!
He needs Witchji to make him a fluffy little bed out of a matchbox and some cotton puffs!

He needs Witchji to hand-feed him nectar!

He needs Witchji to carry him around on his hat!

He's delicate and fragile, you see. He cannot possibly care for himself. 😮‍💨
What's that?

Su She (who fancied himself Witchji's rival and always harassed Witchji) has disappeared?

He left nothing behind except the vague odor of sulfur and a strange greasy smear on the floorboards?
Read 29 tweets
Feb 13
Loosely inspired by @/iliaquer and @/raeinthe:

I REALLY LOVE stuff where wangxian are trying to make a baby, which they plan for WWX to carry.

Except, oopsie-doodle, it's actually LWJ who gets knocked up!
Should've tagged for #PregjiSeason, sorry!

Anyway. I just think it's Extremely Funny when the Lan physicians have to reveal the shocking news.

Wangxian are dumbstruck!
WWX gets his voice back first.

"OHH NOOO. THAT'S not how the talisman was supposed to work! Lan Zhan, I'm so sorry!"

He's cut off by LQR trying to put him in a chokehold, because HOW DARE YOU USE EXPERIMENTAL TALISMANS ON MY NEPHEW.
Read 22 tweets
Feb 11
Still thinking about Concubineji.
I want an AU where Emperor!WWX really does have a whole-ass harem, except LWJ is the only one he actually sleeps with.

He's got a political marriage to WQ, who refuses to touch WWX (sexually) with a ten-foot pole. But she WILL run his life and his empire for him, so it works.
...She's probably having an affair with her lady-in-waiting, Qin Su.

When the emperor found out about that, his only response was, "Haha. Nice. 👍"
Read 12 tweets
Feb 11
#PregjiSeason

I have a sneaky soft-spot for celebrity AUs. So right now, I'm thinking of singer!WWX and songwriter!LWJ who've pulled off the difficult task of keeping their relationship a secret.

Now they're faced with the Herculean task of keeping LWJ's PREGNANCY a secret.
I feel like it's not as difficult as it might seem, because LWJ sometimes just drops off the map for a year. He completely vanishes into thin air, and then he returns to drop an absolute BANGER of an album.

So he can just evaporate with no warning or explanation.
If he goes MIA, fans are just like, "SICK. That means HGJ is gonna return in 6-12 months with some brand new BOPS."

But it's harder for WWX, who frequently performs in person and often goes on international tours!
Read 9 tweets
Feb 10
That awkward moment when you were just chilling on a park bench three minutes ago, and now you're giving birth (??) even though you're pretty sure you were a cis man when you woke up this morning (???) and now someone is handing you a baby. (????) 🥴
Really, though. I love how fast LWJ moved from 'I have a baby now, and I didn't even know I had a uterus to grow one, help??' to 'what do you MEAN my babydaddy abandoned me? oh, I don't THINK so, honey!!'
Read 5 tweets

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