Thread by @stand_for_all

Long thread: Okay, so apparently it is #AutisticPrideDay, which I didn't actually know existed. Here's my, somewhat grumpy, thoughts on that. Usual disclaimers on an #ActuallyAutistic thread, I'm only talking about my perspective not any other autistic individual's. 1/

I worry when people say they are "celebrating" autistic people though, because, as well meaning as I am sure many are, it kind of feels like getting a pat on the head and an "atta boy" as if I am a toddler who just did something perfectly normal but has overly proud parents. 2/

I struggle with things. I can't tell whether I am hot or cold, which you can imagine has been wonderful the last couple of days during a heatwave when your body still has the normal reaction. I can't tell if I am hungry, need the loo, or just fancy a cigarette. 3/

This is down to what's known as a lack of interoception. You can't quite make out the messages your body is sending, basically. I also have alexithymia, which means I have trouble recognising what emotion I am feeling, usually leading to a default state of anxiety. 3/

I overthink everything, and I do mean everything. I always feel out of place. I get seriously affected by rapid change, which working in human rights, where things crop up on a second's notice, isn't brilliant at times. 4/

I shutdown, just totally close emotions down and appear very cold and rude, and meltdown, kind of self explanatory. I can be waaaay too trusting, and simultaneously be unable to open up and trust pretty much anyone else with bits of myself. 5/

There's a lot more, but this is a thread not a book. Basically I am saying there's one hell of a lot which I don't particularly feel like celebrating about being #ActuallyAutistic. Here's the thing though, it's part of me and with it comes some good bits. 6/

You know how all autistic people are terrible at communication? Come on, we've all seen them on TV and in films, surely they wouldn't lie to us? Would they? Well, yeah they do. Some autistic individuals are excellent communicators and I count myself in that. 7/

I love words. There's a safety in them. Formulating the exact right combination to respond to an emerging issue comes as naturally as breathing to me, because I overthink everything anyway and my brain constantly feels like it is running on overtime. 8/

I have what some may call an "overdeveloped sense of justice". Not always a great thing, but it, by some twists and turns, led me to working in human rights, and that is something I would never wish to change. 9/

I have friends who I care about, and if I count you as a friend then, despite the fact I may disappear or forget to keep in contact, you will always have someone to back you up, that pesky "overdeveloped sense of justice" again I guess. 10/

I can on occasion go non-verbal, which considering my occasional lack of ability to stop talking, particularly if it is about one of my special interests, normally politics, refugees or trafficking, because I'm fun like that, some might think is a bonus. 11/

I can form relationships. My wonderful, and highly tolerant, wife, puts up with my inability to switch off and need to keep working, and I love her with every fibre of my being, that's an emotion I can most definitely recognise. 12/

I kind of feel patronised by this idea that I need "celebrating" for just getting on with my life. To live that life I have to mask, a lot, and try and pretend to be the same as everyone and that's something I hate. 13/

Instead of "celebrating" our ability to exist in this world of neurotypical individuals I'd rather just be accepted for who I am, what I can do. Everyone has good points and bad points, quickly rushes to point out that NOT EVERYONE IS ON THE SPECTRUM. 14/

There are days I do feel proud of what I have achieved, don't we all. There are days when my intrusive thoughts go to a very very dark place for no apparent reason and I question what's the point. I'd actually say that was pretty normal, albeit possibly for frequency. 15/

I'm "lucky". I can live a "normal" life. I have a job I love, a wife and daughter who mean everything to me, friends who I am forever grateful are in my life, and that includes online ones because I don't differentiate about things like that. 16/

A lot of #ActuallyAutistic aren't that "lucky". They are abused, locked away, treated with incredibly harmful and traumatic "therapies" and so much more. Is that what we are "celebrating" on #AutisticPrideDay? 17/

So, no, I am not a fan. I am not a fan of Autism Awareness Day, or Month either. Because I don't want a day or a month. I just want to be accepted for who I am and allowed to lead my life. Personally, I don't think that is a lot to ask? 18/

Yes, I do need some adjustments, but they are hardly world shifting ones. Give me time to process a sudden change, let me wear headphones and sunglasses without comment, accept that I have zero clue how to interact socially, but am trying. 19/

None of those things make a difference to your life really, but to an #ActuallyAutistic person like me they make a world of difference. They'd have meant I avoided having to pretend to be something else, and inevitably failing at it. 20/

I'm a lot more open about my autism these days, no shit Sherlock, but even so it was still only yesterday that I told my boss. The fact that he turns out to read my Twitter feed and already knew seems by and large irrelevant to that at this point. 21/

If everyone could act toward autistic individuals the way he did then I guarantee we would see fewer of them being pushed into having mental health issues and committing suicide. So, this #AutisticPrideDay could we just have a bit of acceptance every day please? 22/