Lunchtime humour - 2 wives chatting in office:

Wife 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?

Wife 2: It was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes and fell asleep in 2 minutes. How was yours?

Wife 1: Oh mine was amazing!

Cont'd... 1/5 My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner. After dinner, we walked for an hour. When we came home, he lit the candles around the house. It was like a fairytale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.

Husband 1: How was your evening?

Cont'd..2/5

My first glimpse of the Vande Bharat sleeper train set - snazzy colours and good design though there's need for some crucial improvements - 3A coach (1st 2 photos), 2A and 1A coach; quality of furnishing and lighting is very good! 🧵 #IndianRailways #VandeBharat @devasissarangi


So next we come to the crucial amenity - the washrooms! The Western and Indian style toilets; the 1A washroom with a shower and a diaper changing platform; the last one is the spacious washroom for the physically challenged so as to facilitate wheelchair movement! #VandeBharat

The old man in the left in this picture can be easily mistaken for a great priest but he is Dr. C P. Mathew who was the Head of the Oncology Department at Kottayam Medical College and later principal. On the right is Brahmashree Suryan Subramanian Bhattathiri.

Cont'd... 1/5 Dr Mathew was the Head of the Oncology Department at Kottayam Medical College and then the principal. Later when he retired he was a flying doctor and visiting professor of allopathic cancer treatment at universities in more than 50 countries.

Cont'd... 2/5

Lunchime humour - Paraprosdokian:

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous. Winston Churchill loved them.

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

Cont'd... 1/6 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

Cont'd... 2/6

Lunchtime humour - When you have nothing better to do, just try answers for these!
1. If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?
2. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?
3. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

1/8 4. Why is the letter W in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?
5. Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and it just takes 75-100 years to fully work.
6. Everytime you clean something, you just make something else dirty.

Cont'd... 2/8

Lunchtime humour (a lovely thread) - Gems from actual test papers! HOW did I survive without this vital information?

1. Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

2. Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

Cont'd...1/9 3. Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
4. Mushrooms always grow in damp places & so they look like umbrellas.
5. Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.
6. To prevent milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.

2/9

#DidYouKnow If April 16th, 1853 can be considered the beginning of Railway services in India, a more significant date was August 17th, 1849, which can be considered the red letter day in the history of Indian Railways. #IndianRailways #history It was on this day that agreements were signed with East Indian Railway Company for a line from Calcutta to Raniganj (120 miles), with GIPR for a line from Bombay to Kalyan (33 miles), and with the Madras Railway Company for a line from Madras to Arkonam (39 miles).

All those cynics and so-called intellectuals mocking the speed of #VandeBharat and commenting on how the trains in the West and China have moved far ahead in speeds should know why we lagged behind. They should know the history of high-speed railways in India. A small thread! As I have said earlier, when we ran the Howrah-New Delhi Rajdhani Express above 100 kmph in 1969, we were then the second country in Asia to run trains in excess of 100 kmph and China hadn't achieved this feat. But what happened after that? That's a tale of missed opportunities.

Every morning, we would get a document called USF (Unsatisfactory Features) from our Control, which lists all events due to which there were delays in train services. The most disturbing one is the delay in trains caused due to the runover of a human trespasser. #IndianRailways Everyday, there would be at least one such runover by a train. Once there's a runover, the loco pilot or motorman is supposed to stop the train and immediately inform the next station. The train would only start after the station authorities and the RPF take custody of the body.

Lunchtime humour - A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

Cont'd... 1/5 "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."

Cont'd... 2/5

For those who grew up during the 70's and early 80's in middle class India, here are some things that you can identify with.

1. Though you may not publicly own to this, at the age of 12-17 years, you were very proud of your first "Bellbottom" or your first "Maxi".

Contd... 1/12 2. Phantom & Mandrake were your only true heroes. The brainy ones read Competition Success Review.
3. Your Camlin geometry box & Natraj/Flora pencil were your prized possessions.
4. The only Holidays you took were to go to your grandparents' or your cousins' houses.

Contd...2/12

An interesting #Thread!

A couple of days back, I was tagged by @aparanjape to help @Vporia (whom I hadn't known earlier), whose 83-year old father had left behind his laptop bag in the Nizamuddin-Vasco express, while getting down at Pune station on 10th August. #IndianRailways Receiving such a request more than a week after it happened makes the location of the lost item a little difficult. I decided to give it a chance and posted the travel details of her father, Mr.K.B.L.Saxena, along with a brief description of the item in the ADRMs #WhatsApp group.

Lunchtime humour - A Chief Electrical Engineer of a PSU sent a proposal for the import of a 440V, 500 HP, 50 cycles squirrel cage induction motor to the finance manager (FM).

After going through the proposal the FM turned down the proposal with the following remarks:

Contd1/4 1. Cycles are manufactured in India by many companies and what is the necessity to import them?

2. Even if it has to be imported, why 50 cycles. Can't you manage with 15 cycles?

3. Squirel cages can be purchased from any hardware store. Why it should be imported?

Contd... 2/4

Friends, after keeping me in the dark about the reason for the suspension of my earlier handle, @rananth, @Twitter notified me that the cause of suspension was an alleged copyright violation under DMCA. But they didn't inform me which was the tweet which violated the rules.

https://twitter.com/indiantweeter/status/1397400214663692288

Even though I agreed to abide by the rules of copyright and preferred another appeal, they haven't revoked the suspension of my account. I have therefore decided to open another account and start my innings afresh. Looking forward to a better experience this time around.