And again, witches, we bring you a transcript of the Kyle and Jackie O show from last week. We know many witches can’t stomach these transcripts but we do ask them to read them and share them, if you can. Because how else will you know how bad they are? How else will people be encouraged to contact the advertisers who are #FundingFilth, if nobody knows what it is?

This is tweet 1 of 4.

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Kyle and Jackie O Show, KiiSFM, Wednesday September 4, 2024. All quotes are Kyle unless otherwise stated. Information in brackets is where needed for context. Not all quotes verbatim but close.

6am Segment.
“She’s been arseholed out of her chair for Fung, the diversity hire” (Kyle about one of the censors, a woman of Asian background)
“They’re very worried about the filth in Melbourne, Jackie!” (Kyle about complaints about their content)
“We couldn’t possibly need THREE censors!” (Jackie)

“I don’t mind being fingered up the arse” (KiiSFM employee Peter)
“You prefer to be a top, but you’ll do bottom?” (Kyle to Peter)
“Yeah, Jackie likes that too but she doesn’t yell it from the rooftops” (Kyle about some sexual technique)
“That’s like glory hole stuff, some dirty old grandma’s in there, toothless thing” (Kyle about sex clubs, said with disgust)
“You’re not desirable enough for group gay sex?” (Kyle to Peter)

“Someone dropped a borry in the shower in a gym … we’ve all done a shit in the bath at a party” (Kyle about a media story on someone pooing in a shower at a gym)
“We’ve zoomed in on the poo to identify it, it’s smeared and in the left-hand corner so logically the person pooing is left-handed” (KiisFM employee Bruno)
“Can you identify the race of the person?” (Kyle) … “I zoomed in, looked at colour and consistency, can tell the diet, the person eats a lot of potatoes and rice, I don’t wanna sound racist but it’s an Indian left-handed male” (Bruno)
“To change your poo’s colour you have to eat more than one meal” (maybe Bruno, who now simulates being in the shower and doing the poo then squishing the poo live on air)
“If you’re going to all that effort to shit in the shower, you’ll do it right” (followed by a discussion about how to “wash your crack”)

6.15am Segment: Exclusive Gronk News by KiiSFM employee Alfie
1.Some news about company Gusman e Gomez … “I always assumed they were a gay couple” (Kyle, followed by Kyle doing gross Mexican voices) … “You don’t cut a cancerous mole out only to put it back” (Kyle about KiiSFM employee Pedro)
2.Story about how the ABC held a meeting about Kyle and Jackie O’s program, something to do with “what they can learn from them” … something about Media Watch, David Marr the old host, “don’t even know the new flop” (Kyle about Paul Barry) … “Should I start asking every scientist their favourite sex position?” (Alfie) … “This new manager must know his stuff” (Kyle about Kim Williams, reckons he’s far better than his replacement) … “They’ll have Leigh Sales on there wearing nothing but a pearl necklace” (Kyle about his idea of jazzing up the ABC) … “They’ve got the lowest ratings of everyone, should shake it up a bit, get a refresh” (Kyle about the ABC) … (criticism now of ABC Classic, mocking the presenter) … “The salary difference is quite big as well!” (Kyle about ABC salaries, he never fails to mention his huge remuneration) … “How many we got and why are we paying for it all?” Kyle on how he believes the ABC is useless so why do his taxes pay for it) … “There are no interstate truckies listening to this shit!” (Kyle about ABC Classic radio) … “I’m on the nod here” (Kyle on classical music playing in the studio)

#VileKyle Tweet 2 of 4.

6.40am Segment” Tradie vs. Lady
“Mia, 60kg, favourite sex position pretzel, that’s legs behind the head” … “My husband loves to twist me up like a pretzel” (caller Mia) … ‘We’ve been exploring threesomes lately, the man we contacted turned out to be our 66-year-old neighbour!” (Caller Mia, much guffawing in disgust in studio)
“So your husband agreed to a threesome with 2 blokes and 1 girl?” (Kyle)
“From a threesome expert, they’re not that great, they end up with 2 Brazilian models having a full-blown fight and you’re just left there with a half-deflated dinger … she was angry because I went out of her and finished with the other one … blokes, write that down!” (Kyle)
“Aaron, 90kg, fave sex position is the butcher’s wheelbarrow”
“It’s like doggy style but you hold their arms like a wheelbarrow, then you go to town and butcher the pussy” (caller Aaron)
Questions for the man (meant to be things men wouldn’t know): first one was something about a clay mask: “Lachie, it wouldn’t hurt you to use a mask, your face looks like the bottom of a pizza dish” (Kyle to KiiSFM employee Lachie)
“What do Modi-Bodi sell?” (Jackie) … “Period undies” (caller Aaron) … “He knows his rag news” (Kyle)
“I want my diamonds dug out by (Kyle, huge bleeping here but it was something racist about oppressed diamond slaves) … “Don’t bleep that out, censor, it was a joke!”
Questions for the woman:
1.“What’s the highest score in ten-pin bowling?”
2.Which F1 team does Oscar Piastri drive for?
3.What does WC stand for in a plumbing sense?”
(Questions meant to be things women wouldn’t know.)
(After naming the F1 team McLaren, Kyle has a rant on how McLaren cars are hard to drive, not nice, never get out of second gear, speed limits are stupid and so on and so on, as per usual)
Tie-breaker question: “What’s the square root of 25?”
“NO SPELLING OR MATHS QUESTIONS! … We’re not a kids show for Indians and Asians! This is not a show for smart people! Here’s a simpleton question!” (Kyle, respecting his own audience as usual)
“Ladies, we’re right up in your anal canal” (Kyle on how “the boys” have won the competition, followed by “We’re the boys” studio chant by all the male employees)
“Blokes still would’ve rooted you, even at your fattest! … Some blokes will accept it!” Kyle to Jackie about her putting on weight)
“Triple J stickers are always on the shittiest cars” (Kyle)
“Jackie, whenever the censor speaks I feel I’ve heard her voice before … I know you’ve had a lot of knock-backs from blokes … she does radiate sadness, she’s always ruining fun, bleeping out the C-word which is needed to understand us” (Kyle to and about one of their studio censors)
“The ABC has the C-word, different rules for them … it’s almost designed for us to fail but we keep on conquering” (Kyle rant about different rules for different media outlets, totally ignoring the different time of day)

7.20am Segment: Birthdays
“Bald!” (Kyle after a comment about Prince William)
“Nothin’ wrong with Tay-Tay but that film clip where she had the titties out … blurred lines … then she said ‘I don’t wanna be objectified’ … Here’s a song by Taylor Swift, kill me now, you’re not sad, you’re getting pounded by a footballer on the daily” (Kyle)

7.30am Segment
“This is the gayest shit I’ve ever seen and I work with 13 gay sex addicts” (Kyle)
“Did he go the fiddle with you?” (Kyle to Jackie)
(Kyle is now asking women KiiSFM staff if he’s hot, he’s annoyed they’re calling Matt Smith hot)
“All the media write I’m a misogynist, I’m not, I’ve never instigated a relationship in my life, all the women begged for it, BEGGED FOR IT!” (Kyle, demonstrating the most warped definition of misogyny we’ve ever heard)

#VileKyle

So, here’s a 🧵 on just how fucked Australia’s media are ATM.

A. First, a disclaimer.

You don’t have to believe @AlboMP is either a hero or a villain on this issue to understand it.

Life is complex & politics is even more complex. B. But here’s the thing: the media claiming today they’re innocent victims in the Paul Keating issue and therefore claiming they’re being “attacked” unfairly is the greatest fucking hypocrisy in the known universe.

And we’re going to explain why.

“I’ve been attacked by Hartcher, that psychopath … who has this great stentorian voice, but no stentorian mind to match it”.

Keating’s still got it, LOL.

#NPC “Contextualisation of an issue may not be your strong suit.”

Keating to Andrew Probyn at the #NPC today, LOL.

Short 🧵.

A. As @RonniSalt first reported last night, @SenatorHume’s outrageous attack on @Mon4Kooyong via Rupert’s #NewsCorpse stooges for not attending Parliamentary Divisions several days ago is a clear indication Murdoch intends to help Frydenberg win back the seat. B. The piece (part-written by Simon Benson’s mate Geoff Chambers, who together hid evidence of Morrison’s multiple ministries last year to better spruik their book) is just 1 in a deluge of recent pieces going after Dr. Ryan & other so-called “Teal” candidates & parliamentarians.

Memo for Lisa Millar and the @abcnews Breakfast team (who can no longer be tagged via their own program).

Maternity leave is just ONE small reason women normally retire with much lower Super balances than men do.

There are many sexist, unfair reasons, including:

1/- A. Women typically earn less from their very first job, because of innate discrimination in company hiring practices;

B. Female-dominated careers have lower overall wages than male-dominated careers (think early childhood education workers vs. the mining industry);

2/-

Here’s a short 🧵, witches, about Australia’s bastard supermarkets.

All Australia’s big supermarket chains advertise with #NewsCorpse.

But @Coles & @woolworths advertise with Murdoch far more than @igaAustralia & @ALDIAustralia.

If you can, please boycott the first 2.

1/10 To emphasise this first: IF YOU CAN’T BOYCOTT ANY ORGANISATION BECAUSE OF DISABILITY, MOBILITY ISSUES OR FOR ANY OTHER REASON, PLEASE DON’T FEEL GUILTY.

The 10%-20% of people who CAN’T boycott a company don’t matter: what matters is the 80% who can do so if they try.

2/10

Yesterday, we did a 🧵 on one of the biggest distortions of truth in the #NewsCorpse hit piece on @BrittHiggins_ yesterday.

Today, we’re going to do another thread.

Strap in.

1/13 We’re going to address the statements and implications in the piece (2 are included below, but there are more) that because Brittany initially:

- behaved as if she were embarrassed;

- said she wasn’t going to make a complaint to police;

- sent Reynolds flowers; and

2/13

There’s a lot we could say about the @AusFedPolice leak about @BrittHiggins_ in #NewsCorpse’s @australian rag out today.

But for now, we’ll limit ourselves to addressing just one issue.

So here’s a 🧵.

1/- We want to address the implication that Brittany is somehow complicit with Labor or some sections of the media by meeting with prominent Australians during the furore over her alleged rape.

It may surprise people to learn that when a person or group is in the news …

2/-

1. If you say you don’t wanna scrap #COVID19 protections because they’re annoying: well, road safety rules are also annoying.

2. If you say you don’t wanna scrap ‘em because Australia can’t afford it: well, we spend hundreds of billions on obsolete submarines & affords those. 3. If you say it’s because people hate #COVID19 restrictions: well, they don’t like bans on taking bottled liquids & nail scissors on planes, either.

4. If you say it’s because COVID is “just a flu”: well, there’s no flu that kills from heart attacks & strokes for months after.

A. Okay so here’s a 🧵 on all the things people are getting wrong about Alan Jones & others spreading hatred, lies, racism and misogyny on shows like QandA.

Strap yourself in.

1. For the love of Christ, stop saying it’s fine for arseholes to be given big media platforms. B. If you can listen to Jones spreading his hate on Indigenous affairs without being badly traumatised, it makes you highly privileged.

For you to say others should also be able to listen to it too because “balance is important” or “they show themselves up as pricks” is shit.

🧵 A. I’m sitting outside a coffee shop in a Victorian town, waiting for a client.

There’s an older woman drinking tea at the next table, chatting to her friend.

She’s obviously fairly poor and somewhat unwell, judging by her appearance and lack of mobility when she leaves. B. She’s crying.

Because she’s just found out her home is being sold by its owner, and in this town it’s v. unlikely that the new owner will let her stay since every second residence is now an @airbnb_au.

In fact, in this town many businesses are now only open intermittently …

So here’s a short 🧵 on 1 of the consequences of uncontrolled #COVID19 spread.

My mother turns 83 this weekend, & until today we had a function for a relatively large extended family function booked in a large hotel near where she lives.

1/7 But as BA.5 spreads wildly, we’ve had a family convo today in which we’ve decided to go to a park for a socially-distanced picnic instead.

Because we’ve several health-compromised people, plus others who work in healthcare & don’t want to take #COVID19 back to patients.

2/7

A. Thread. Every year at MFW we’re more filled with dread as #IWD rolls around.

Not because we oppose a day meant to be about raising awareness of justice & equity for women, but because every year it’s more and more performative bullshit which sends women’s rights backwards. B. Yes, we know there are some events which benefit women for #IWD. This thread isn’t about those events and women: good on ‘em.

But as our Twitter poll last week showed, the vast majority of events and actions are performative, infantilising, virtue-signalling bullshit.

A. If you’re more interested in moaning on Twitter than getting real, this urgent thread will be hard to read (so scroll on).

But if you want to get truth instead of more sugar-coating or tears, here it is.

The first thing needed to be said is: with respect, please grow up. B. What #Snotty did yesterday has been coming for a while, for those willing to see it.

In fact, it’s been coming since January 2020.

Because this is LNP philosophy: people are not humans to them, they’re just workers or units of production power.

Your ONLY value to these …