How my ADHD masking manifests, and how they've always been seen as positive traits, so no-one really ever stopped to check that just because I was functioning didn't mean I was fine...a few examples: Always being early for meetings and social events. Always on time. Wayyyyy on time. Like ridiculously early because then I *can't* be late.

How it looks: Organised and engaged.

How it makes me actually feel: stressed and anxious that I must get there early.

A couple of ways ADHD presented during my PhD that made me feel like a terrible researcher:
-Not being able to read papers for more than ~1 min
-Being asked about literature and not remembering even though I HAD read them
-Getting involved in ALL of the things and overstretching Coping mechanisms I learned over time:
-Making myself whole presentations about a paper to keep myself engaged
-Using "read aloud" functions for papers
-Running a paper book club to help me find it interesting
-Saying "I don't know" a lot

I didn't realise I had ADHD until the start of the pandemic. At that point, particularly with lockdown, all my decades of masking and coping mechanisms I'd built got ripped apart very, very quickly. For my whole life I'd kept myself BUSY. In fact, being busy and doing ALL of the things in the society we live in, is seen as a huge asset, so why would anyone contend that? I struggle to focus on one thing for prolonged periods, so switching through what seems like an inordinate amount of projects enables me to...

I do the majority of my talks at £500 each (plus travel if it's not online). The prep, the time and the energy it takes me takes a lot out of me. That way I can use the money for myself, for my causes, or donate my time where I see fit. But it IS work, and should be paid.

https://twitter.com/HigherEdPR/status/1599479636622479365

A lot of takes on that thread though like "you could help someone but you chose not to because you didn't get paid enough" not appreciating the irony though.

TW suicide

Why is seeking an ADHD diagnosis so important to me? Why bother when I've got a PhD, a good job, I've lived so long without it formally diagnosed?

I've lived a massive portion of my life with anxiety (including chronic stomach issues) and depression. 1/ I've also had periods of time in my life where I've been suicidal. It's not until recently (due to pandemic pressure on top of everything else I've realised, with help from my therapist, I likely have ADHD). Here's the thing: 2/

My story of medical misogyny is going to the doctors 5 times with "side pain" and being told it's "just period pain" or "IBS". When I finally got a scan it was an "ovarian cyst the size of a potato". By the time I was booked in for surgery it ruptured. Believe people 😕 Top points for the people wading in to tell me that medical misogyny isn't a thing

I think what bothers me is it takes ages to build people up and help them realise they have inherent worth outside of academia, have the right to breaks, and can take time off at weekends. It takes ages to overcome that "I should be working" guilt. There's nothing funny about it. People work themselves to the point of burnout and becoming seriously ill. That's not funny either.

I quit academia a while ago as a postdoc. I love research and had designs on being a professor one day, but as someone with a history of mental health concerns I feared that academia might literally be the end of me. Precarious contracts, and constantly worrying if you are even going to be able to pay your bills in a month's time does not support good research and healthy researchers.

A hill I will die on: unpaid internships are classist, and whilst you might *think* you are "helping students gain experience" all you are doing is widening the gap between those that can afford to and those that cannot. Also - looking at CVs and considering who's a standout student? Please consider who had access and who didn't, and whether that experience gap is something you want to truly.hang your hat on.

I used to be really proud that I came top of my year at university - and don't get me wrong, it is an achievement. BUT because of a series of fortunately unfortunate events, I didn't have to work a second job to get me through university like a lot of others. All the time I was studying, a lot of equally gifted individuals were working late in bars and getting home late, bad sleep, and attending lectures in the morning. I didn't have that barrier. I did well because of privilege as well as my ability.

On #InternationalWomensDay2022 I want to highlight that there is still a very real gender-based disparity in STEM by looking at the facts. These issues need to be addressed if we are to ever equity...a thread 🧵

Women in STEM are: Cited less (papers cited 5.6 times on average compared men at 7.2) and whilst the difference may be small, long term cumulative effects of this have huge impact through the promotions process. rsc.org/globalassets/0…

Some accessibility tips for Twitter I've learned over the last few years that are simple to integrate into Twitter use and can make your content accessible for a wider audience. If we are to be allies this is something to think about. A thread ✍️ Put alt text on your images. This can be enabled in Twitter settings and involves writing a descriptive sentence about the image you have tweeted. Without this, the image you post is not accessible to visually impaired Twitter users. @AltTxtReminder is a good tool to remind you.

The thing with academia is I can sit here and tell you to set boundaries. To not work weekends for your mental health, because you shouldn't have to, but the culture of overwork means that if you take a step back and look after yourself, or take time to be with your family 1/ or simply, want to enjoy your life outside of the academy, I cannot guarantee you will be "successful" in academia. Because from where I sit, to be successful means to give everything. Your weekends, your health. You are meant to show up and deliver classes during a 2/

Types of toxic PhD supervisors, a thread ⬇️ #AcademicChatter #PhdChat #AcademicMentalHealth The Ghost 👻 - Never available. You have much less contact time than you need, but you get gaslit due to statements like "a good PhD candidate just gets on with stuff". Really you just aren't getting enough guidance.

So I received this DM today (shared anon with permission, because I think this is something I want to discuss publicly).

Honestly, it doesn't matter of some students "lie" about their mental health, or deaths in the family. We must believe them. 1/ If a student feels the need to lie like this they ARE struggling. Maybe they are working 3 jobs to make ends meet and can't hit deadlines, maybe they are neurodiverse and struggling, maybe their mental health is impacted but from our perspective we just can't see it. 2/

Types of academics you might encounter, based on Disney characters, a thread:

#AcademicChatter #phdchat The "my academic picture was taken in the 90s" academic.

You go to meet them, you've looked up what they look like, you realise their photo on the university website hasn't been updated in 200 years. They know their stuff, and are a solid 7/10.

How can universities support graduate/PhD mental health? Here's some thoughts on what institutions can work towards today 👇#AcademicMentalHealth #AcademicChatter 1 - Acknowledge that the research culture plays a role 🏛️

The onus to improve mental health isn't just on the individual. It's time to acknowledge that the stressors at university impact grad students.

I've been asked why I care so much/do mental health advocacy for #AcademicMentalHealth when I've recently left academia. So here's a 🧵 #AcademicTwitter #AcademicChatter #AcademicMentalHealth #VulnerableAcademic 1/ I experienced the lowest point of my life during graduate school. I've since recovered to full health. It has, however, left a lasting mental scar on me. I'd never experienced depression before that point. I do my work to try to spare people being where I was at. 2/

Academia is great. It allows us to think for a job which is a massive privilege, discover new things and stay curious. Many go through the system just fine. Let's not forget there are also a whole host of people that don't get through "just fine". 1/ There's the people that come out with their mental health far worse than when they came in. With nearly 50% of PhD students experiencing anxiety and depression (high above the norm) it can't just be put down to the individuals. The environment is absolutely at play. 2/

My new project -the Academic Mental Health Landscape 2020.

Aiming to capture #AcademicMentalHealth experiences. Providing you a space to share what had affected your mental health during your academic journey. 1/ All entries (deemed appropriate) will be showcased later this year. This varies greatly from my previous projects as it allows for anonymity. I know many of you can't share your experiences publicly. Here is a format to do just that.
2/

Self-care is really important. It's needed for maintaining good mental health and helps us do a better job. People ask me about self-care and often don't know where to start, so here are some work-related practicable tips you can do today:

#AcademicMentalHealth #AcademicChatter 1 - 🕒 Set 15 mins in your schedule as a meeting. Use this time for you. Get a coffee, do some reading (for fun), meditate... do something that makes you feel relaxed and helps reduce your stress levels. Most if us can find 15 mins a day to do this. 2/