My dear Jack and Jil, I present a few nuggets from my letters to you this year. Here they are:
1. Marriage is not supposed to be difficult. Marry someone you can get along with. #Letr2Jil
2. Don’t marry someone with the hope of changing the person. That’s rather presumptuous. #Letr2Jack
3. A large chunk of marriage is consumed by responsibility. When there’s no sense of responsibility in marriage romance suffers. #Letr2Jil
4. That you start small doesn’t mean you’ll end small. You have to find your way to the top. No one will find it for you. #Letr2Jack
5. You can’t see the future from where you are. No young person can see that far. How you think you’ll advance in life is not going to be as you imagine. #Letr2Jil
6. An abusive marriage produces damaged characters. Both the abused and abuser are damaged. #Letr2Jack
7. Marriage is not “I do.” That’s matrimonial concession. The marriage is the relationship. The quality of relationship matters in marriage. #Letr2Jil
8. Love is essential to marriage and the primary channel of love is your spouse. #Letr2Jack
9. The ultimate act of trust is marriage. We never realise it but when you marry you’re essentially committing your life to someone. You’re committing your heart. That’s a lot of trust. #Letr2Jil
10. You will hardly know who your friends are until your troubles come. #Letr2Jack
11. In a relationship, you can’t assume there’s no alternative to you. Even death has an options menu. #Letr2Jil
12. Don’t ever assume you have a monopoly of the channel of affection in marriage. There are always competing channels, even if inferior. #Letr2Jack
13. Expressing affection to someone is not always about feelings. Sometimes it’s a duty. There’s a dutiful dimension. #Letr2Jil
14. Don’t take care for granted in marriage. Not all spouses are caring. When you have a caring spouse go out of your way to show care when it’s needed. #Letr2Jack
15. Faithfulness is your commitment to yourself, your commitment to your values. It’s about what you believe in, it’s not about eye service. #Letr2Jil
16. Don’t do evil to someone who has done you good in life. Never forget the good people do to you. #Letr2Jack
17. You must necessarily question your values if you insist on dating a guy with questionable means. #Letr2Jil
18. Everyone starts somewhere. Don’t despise days of small beginnings. #Letr2Jack
19. Understanding is a heart thing, not a head thing. It’s about identifying with each other, wanting to be identified with one another in a relationship. #Letr2Jil
20. The love that sustains marriage requires effort. #Letr2Jack
21. Kindness makes a man attractive. #Letr2Jil
22. You can’t have a relationship without agreeability. Two can’t walk together except they agree. #Letr2Jack
23. A marriage doesn’t make sense without love. You’ll be locked up in a mechanical contraption with someone you have no affection for. #Letr2Jil
24. Commitment is not just ‘Oh, we’re starting an exclusive relationship.’ It’s commitment to somebody’s life, somebody’s dream, someone’s wellbeing. It’s a unity of spirit. #Letr2Jack
25. Personality can’t sustain a wholesome relationship. Neither can looks. It is values and character that do. #Letr2Jil
26. A marriage can’t accommodate third parties. The space is just enough for two. #Letr2Jack
27. People are not what they say they are to you, they are the condition of their heart towards you. #Letr2Jil
28. Without a sense of responsibility your life will hardly have direction. You’ll waste your youth. #Letr2Jack
29. Don’t pretend you don’t want a relationship when you really want one. #Letr2Jil
30. Sometimes despair comes from the information we ingest. It’s why you have to be careful about what you read, what you hear... These things affect your outlook to life. #Letr2Jack
31. You’re not supposed to trade marriage for happiness. You’re supposed to have both, they’re not exclusive. #Letr2Jil
32. Marriage is not just about romance, sensuality and sexuality. A large chunk of marriage is consumed by responsibility. #Letr2Jack
33. Loveless sex can’t resolve the question of loneliness. #Letr2Jil
34. Desperation will get you into a wrong union. And desperation only addresses short term issues. #Letr2Jil
35. We must be willing to give what we want in a relationship. Relationship is the perfect laboratory for the law of sowing and reaping. #Letr2Jack
36. Communication matters in creating a relationship. #Letr2Jack
37. You need to be wise in life. You can’t bare intimate details of your life to someone you just met even though you hope to marry him. #Letr2Jil
38. A good relationship is easy. It’s not manipulated, it’s not contrived, it’s just easy. It’s giving - materially and emotionally. #Letr2Jack
39. Relationships demand sacrifice. In a relationship both parties must be willing to sacrifice for each other. #Letr2Jil
40. You have to be able to manage both lack and prosperity. Lack separates spouses as much as prosperity separates spouses. #Letr2Jack
41. Marriage requires wisdom. The wisdom of “us” not “I, me and myself”. #Letr2Jil
42. You can’t go through life impervious to correction and counsel. You’ll lose opportunities in life. #Letr2Jack
43. Many times in life we’re looking for that one break. But that one break is hardly ever about money. What makes the break valuable is the fact it shows us our life potential – what our life can become. #Letr2Jil
44. Marriage is so potent that when it goes wrong it can blight your health - mental, emotional and physical. #Letr2Jack
45. The race is not to the swift, it’s to the prepared. #Letr2Jil
46. Develop brain muscles. If you don’t develop mental processing capacity you’ll be limited in life. #Letr2Jack
47. If you don’t have drive you won’t succeed in life. That means pushing yourself. You’ve got to be self-driven. You must have inner motivation. Don’t rely on external stimuli. You’ll be reactionary and almost never do anything unless compelled. #Letr2Jil
48. “Working smart” can’t replace hard work. Smartness speaks to efficiencies it does not speak to industry. Work hard and smart. Hard work involves being thorough, being rigorous, perfecting the output, refining it with relentless dedication. #Letr2Jack
49. As you aim for the top appreciate your intermediate successes. They may seem small but they represent progress. They give encouragement. #Letr2Jil
50. This is my last #Letr2Jil #Letr2Jack for 2019. I’m going on hols. I hope you have a memorable holiday. Wishing you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year in advance! See you in 2020!
