Thread by @Ra_Bies

Once Ed found Chachaji himself putting water on the cricket pitch. Ed was astonished, curiously she asked “Chachaji ye thum kya karta?” Chachaji calmly said “I perform better on the wet pitches”. Ed blushed & said “Pitch is already very wet, time to play” Chachaji obliged her

While Chachaji was doing net practice, Ed romantically asked him “Pundat, do you like grass on the pitch?”, “I love it”, said Chachaji with his tongue moving on his lips. “Goodbye then, now I’ll see you after a fortnight” Said Ed & she left immediately

To get fresh air & spend time away from crowd, Chachaji & Ed used to go to his non violent friend Mohan in an ashram. Once Chachaji went out of booze after he & Ed consumed a full bottle. Pundat screamed “Chal Ganpat daaru la”, Mohan got angry & resolved, he’d make it a dry state

Caressing fingers in Chachaji’s hairy chest & bare head, Ed asked “Chachaji, thum ne partition kiya, people got killed, thum famous ho gaya, par thumhara aulad kya karega?” Chachaji sipping brandy said “India & San will impose emergency, the pilot will cause kiIIing of Sikhs”

Ed was an extremely caring & compassionate woman. Once she noticed badly bruised knees of Chachaji, she got worried & asked “Chachaji, ye kya hua kaise hua?”, Chachaji turned poetic & said “Tumhi ne dard diya hai tumhi dawa dena”, Ed applied balm & did dressing of his kness

Ed was very fond of Chachaji’s poetry, once during those romantic moments, she insisted “Chachaji kuch sunao hum ka” This was the moment Pundat recited
“The wood is lovely, dark and can go deep ~ Promises for my country can wait ~ Jump in the bed, together we should sleep”

UIDAI was earlier known as Rajiv Gandhi Unique Identification Authority of India. But fascist Modi removed Rajiv Gandhi from it. Also name ‘Aadhaar’ was originally coined by Ed who used to scream ‘Pundat Aadaal Aadaal’, every time she wanted Chachaji to pour a drink in her glass

“Chachaji, look here” Ed shouted excitingly. “What happened darling?” Chachaji asked. “Mudi has launched Ayushman, free medical insurance, it covers pregnancy too, you know what I mean”, she said “At this age?”, Chachaji disapproved. “Alright, I’d find someone else”, Ed reacted

Lord told Ed it was his dad’s shraadh & asked if she knew any Pandit for the rituals. Ed called Chachaji, prepared pooris, halwa. When leaving, Lord offered Chachaji some money as dakshina. Chachaji refused to accept & said “I keep getting my dakshina from Ed” Ed ran away coyly

It was Chachaji’s birthday. Ed prepared cake & reached Chachaji’s house. His room was bolted from inside, she shouted “Pundat it’s me, your Ed”. As Chachaji opened the door, she saw many children. “Pandat, thum bachon se kitna pyar karta”, she said with tears of joy in her eyes

“Pundat, thum humka parties mein nahin lekar jaata, public appearance mein bhi nahin jaata humka saath, BC aisa kyon?”, Ed asked. “Understand, it will be damaging to my public life”, he said. “Saala thumhara friend Mohan ke saath toh har time 2 ladki hota” An angry Ed protested

Ed screamed “Pundat, hard more hard, put it more, more, deeper, gimme gimme”. Chachaji was a man of patience, he sighed & said “Ed darling, try it, I’ve made it very hard, poured 80 ml rum with ice only, drink it & I’d then give you more”. They continued drinking the whole night

When leaving ashram, Ed asked Mohan if she could do anything for him. Mohan winked & said “Suna hai bahut kateeli nachaniya ho, Jinn bola Lahore mein bahut zor naachi thi, eek dau thhumka hum ka bhi dikhao Edwa Rani”. Pundat broke an empty bottle on the ground & smiled deviously

Once a man wearing thick glasses came to meet Chachaji. Chachaji asked Ed to put on her gloves & face mask. He was served country made liquor in a plastic glass. When he was gone, Ed asked “Pundat, ye aadmi khuan tha?”. “His name is Bhim & he is a Shudra, dirty fellow” He said

Already drunk Chachaji grabbed another bottle from his bar & dictated “Ed, go & wash glasses”, Ed got angry & cursed “Pundat BC, thum humka glass dhone ko bola, hum tum ko shraap deta, thumhata granson ka widow aur usska dumbo son ek din dish clean karega aur jail bhi jaayega”

Ed was in Switzerland & Chachaji was chatting with her “Darling, I’m thirsty”, He typed with one hand. “Naughty Pundat, hum thumko kuch pics bhejta, apna pyaas bujha lo, but dekhne ke baad delete kar dena” Ed replied

FYI, these pics played a vital role in our struggle to freedom

This #MeToo hashtag isn’t new. There is mention of a convo between Chachaji & Mohan when Ed & Chachaji had gone to Ashram:
Chachaji: Do you find Ed hot?
Mohan: She is extremely hot & sexy
Chachaji: I must confess & tell you that I’m in love with her
Mohan: #MeToo

Ed rested her head on Chachaji’s chest & puffing a cigarette she said “Pundat thum itna girls ko harass karta fir bhi koi allegation nahin, thum saala akha magician hai”, playing with her curly hair he said “This is nothing, I’d harass the whole nation & no one wd raise a finger”

Ed took Chachaji’s bat in her hand & said “Pundat thumhara bat bahut heavy long aur hard hota, hum bahut logon ke saath khela par aisa bat nahin dekha”, “Ed, this bat is best suited for English pitches which are bouncy & grassy”Chachaji replied promptly. “Let’s play” Ed whispered

Chachaji’s texts to Ed
Before #MeToo
“Ed darling, I’m very thirty, I wanna come close to you, touch you, feel you, kiss you e’wherr, are you hurny right now?”

After #MeToo
“Ed Didi, How are you? Aaj Rakshabandhan hai, mai rakhi bandhwaane aa raha hun. Are you at home right now?

Ed dressed as a Gujarati girl went to Chachaji’s mansion, after a customary kissing & smooching session. she said “Pundat, let’s play dandiya”, “Ed, my stick is damaged” His voice was gloomy. “Thhumhara damaged stick bhi Lord ki stick se achha khelta”, she said & started dancing

It’s not that Chachaji was always virtuous & gentle to Ed, one incident that really made him furious was when Ed complained & alleged “Pundat thum hum ko jhooth bola, liar liar pants on fire, thum bola thum Allahabad mein born hota par hum ko pata chal gaya thum Prayagraj se hai”

Once Chachaji told Ed “Darling let’s go to Sabrimala temple”, Ed hawwed & said “Pundat, Hindu tradition mein ladeez nahin jata wahan” “Damn Hindus, I don’t give them a f***”, drunk Pundat roared, “Pundat ek din ye ich Hindu thumhari family ka hasti mita de ga” Angry Ed predicted

“Pundat thum PM kaise banega, thum se kaabil bahut log hota” Ed asked. Chachaji moving fingers over her body explained “There’re 2 competitors, Subh & Pat. I made sure Subh is never gonna come back & Pat is not liked by Mohan”, “Luv you”, said Ed licking Chachaji’s neck & earlobe

Ed was an emotional woman, she never wanted India’s division, she cried a lot when this news broke. But Chachaji was a shameless creature, he’d no regrets. This made Ed furious & she cursed “Pundat, thum desh ka tukda kiya, ek din thumhari juniversity se tukde tukde gang niklega”

Ed jumped & with joy & said “Pundat, hum thumhara janampatri ek pahunche hua saadhu ko dikhaya”, “What did he tell?”, asked Chachaji. “Wo bola, thum smart hota, thumhara daughter clever, grandson naive, grandson ka wife cunning hoga aur great grandson akha chu**a” Ed crackled

“What a wonderful batsman Virat is, yet another century” Mohan exulted. Ed who was too possessive about Chachaji rebuked “Pundat ke saamne Don, Sachin, Virat, Richards, Kallis kahin stand nahin hota, Pundat kal poori raat hamre saath batting kiya aur ek baar bhi out nahin hua”

“After independence, we’d need arms & fighter planes. I’m going to get them from Rafale” Chachaji told Ed. Ed who was in no mood to listen, was on a smooching spree, “Pundat thumhara bandook hi sabse bada hathiyar hota, I just love it” She said & locked her lips with Chachaji’s

Ed giving a peck on Chachaji’s cheek & leaving a deep red mark on it bubbled “Pundat hum aaj karwachauth ka vrat rakha, thhumhare liye”, Chachaji smoking his cigar asked “Who did you get your ‘Sargi’ from?”, “Saargi hum ka Mohan ka wife behen Kasu ne diya” an innocent Ed answered

“Pundat, after you thumko log bhool jaayega”, a worried Ed said. “No darling I’ve made arrangements, Ramu a self proclaimed historian & Saggy, a witch in the disguise of journalist will beat my drum”, Chachaji said. “Pundat, wo dono toh toilet clean karta na”, Ed was astonished

“Pundat, Sardar thum se zyada deserving hota, ussko PM hona maangta”, Ed said with a protest. “Sardar Sardar Sardar, this man gives me headache”, Chachaji was furious. “Pundat thumne Sardar ko beizzat kiya dekhna ek roz ye thhumhara family ka khoon ke aansoo nikaalega” Ed cursed

“So many towers & statues in this World, which one is your favourite?”, Chachaji asked Ed. “Pundat hum akha duniya dekha par thhumhara tower se ooncha koi nahin”, Ed told Chachaji & put her arms around his neck & started kissing him all over with her hands slowly crawling down

Ed lying on the bed screamed “Pundat punish me punish me hard”, Chachaji leaned himself towards Ed & murmured “Ed darling hum tum ka kya punish karega, punishment toh hum ko mila, hamaara statue chaar feet ka aur Sardar ka 182 metres ka”. Chachaji started crying & so did Ed

Chachaji put condoms in his pocket, carried a gift pack & drove to Ed’s house singing “Mai nikla gaddi le ke, raste mein sadak par mod aaya”.
“Happy Diwali darling”, he gave Ed the gift pack. “Ye kya Pundat, Frooti aur Kurkure, hum iss par thookta bhi nahin” Furious Ed blasted

Ed caressing her fingers in Chachaji’s hairy chest asked “Pundat hum firecracker hota toh hamra naam kya hota”, he grinned showing his gold capped tooth & said “Phuljhadi”. Now Chachaji exploring Ed’s body asked the same,”Thum toh akha Rocket hai”, Ed said laughing & looking down

After a knock at the door, Ed opened the door, unbuttoning herself she said “Pundat, achha kiya face mask 😷 pehan kar aaya, pencho pollution”
Her eyes closed, she moaned, “Pundat aaj jindgi ka maja aa gaya ab toh ye saala mask nikalo”, she pulled the mask & screamed “Mohan tum”

“Pundat, ye Tipu kaun hot? Bahut naam sunat rahin isska”, Ed asked while licking cola ice cream. “He is awesome, he is fighting the whole British Army with his sword”, Chachaji said, “Pundat, thum bhi toh apna itna bada sword se ek Britisher ko bas mein kar liya”, Ed said coyly

Ed whispered “Happy Budday, Pundat, aaj hum ek wish deta” Chachaji held her tight, planted a kiss on her lips & asked “Kaun sa wish jaan”. “Thum bachon ko like karta, issliye hamra wish hota, thumhara great grandson body se bada hoga par brain se hamesha bacha rahega”, Ed said

Biting Chachaji’s ears & kissing him, Ed was breathing heavily, feeling horny she said “Pundat, thum ka Birthday par hum thumhare liye cook karega”, Chachaji moving his hand on Ed’s thighs asked “What’d you make”, “Hum sandwich banaayega, thum Mohan ko bulao abhi” Moaning Ed said

It was a winter eve & Ed said “Pundat humko chai mangta” Chachaji called a boy serving tea & got her tea.That boy asked for money but Chachaji refused to pay & abused him, Ed said angirily “Pundat thum chaiwala ko paisa nahin diya, ek chaiwala hi thumhara dynasty ka naash karega”