1/ So, I think I want to tell my story and how #BTS @BTS_twt helped me. I had known about them during the I Need You era (spring '15) and was a casual listener, but loved watching them on variety shows and when vlive launched I was a big fan of that. Once Wings dropped,
2/ though, my entire fandom changed. I heard the song "Lie" for the first time. Those strings, the minor chords building up the major chorus and the way #JIMIN expressed such sorrow in his voice. The line "Find the me that was innocent" stopped my heart. I read the lyrics
3/ over and over again, memorizing them in Korean and the English
equivalent. It was like that song was written for me, by me. I was caught in a lie that I had been telling myself for years. I tried so hard to forget a very horrible past experience that I blinded myself to
4/ my own reality. To the truth of who I was and the pain I had
endured. I was unable to heal because I was unable to admit the pain in the first place.
After that Wings became my solace. The BU my favorite "TV" world. I connected to my own youth through the narrative woven
5/ by bts. I continued watching their variety shows like Run
BTS and fell in love with them even more, as people. They had an air of authenticity that is unheard of in a lot of music. They had vulnerability. They had a bond between each other that was not forced or
6/ manufactured. It was beautiful.
But I was in the closet. I had heard
the things people said about ARMY and I did not want to fit that stereotype so I concealed my fandom,pretended to not know who they were when my friends or family asked me about them. I was a grown woman
7/ who, after 20 something years of living found music that spoke
directly to my soul.
And then Her came. And their Love Yourself project went into full swing. I couldn't be a spectator fan anymore. So I started to tell some friends and family, tried to get them to
8/ understand my love for them. They didn't and that's OK. I joined twt
specifically for #BTS a few months ago and really glad I did because I'm no longer afraid to be a proud army. I have learned that we are not the worst of us. We are beautiful, sweet, caring, charitable
9/ individuals who look up to 7 men who have the entire weight of the
world on their shoulders. I only hope that with ARMYs support we can lighten that burden just a tad.
I will always be thankful to Park Jimin, for Lie. It literally changed my life. I was determined to never
10/ lie again to myself and though it's a hard road, I feel like I am
getting there
Addendum: I have lost over 100 lbs this year and I contribute 80% of that to #BTS I listen to an hour-long @BTS_twt playlist everyday while I work out. And I have learned to value myself in
11/ general. I have learned to love myself. I gained a lot of weight after my mom passed
She was my best friend and my confidant. After losing her I spiraled into a very deep depression that almost took my life. I gained a ton of weight because I just didn't care anymore.
12/ Nothing mattered, my beautiful mother was gone forever. She died early in the AM on 12/26/15 I have many regrets, so many. But my biggest is not letting myself be vulnerable. Not allowing the people around me know the pain I was going through. By the time I had the courage
13/ to tell it was too late. The person who had hurt me died in '14, I found out last year
I never got to look him in the eyes and ask "why?" I was never given that opportunity. I was never able to explain to my mom why I was the way I was from age 12 onwards. Why I was a
14/ nightmare for her. That it wasn't her fault. It was never her fault.
Once Wings came out I literally poured every single cell of my being into it. I listened day and night memorizing everything. Slowly my grief became less of a constant cloud and I was able to see that
15/ eventually it would get better. I didn't have to join my mother like I yearned
So I decided to take better care of myself. To try and extricate myself from that deep well of depression and let go of my painful past. #BTS was there for me the whole way. Not in person but
16/ through their beautiful prose and silliness that made me giggle with pure joy and that ever constant message that I need to love myself. For me, it's not about their beauty or charisma. It is about their soul, their passion, their message and their ability to write poetry
and perform with pure authenticity and passion. They will always be the band that saved me. And now, I'm doing just fine.
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