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IG: Hujandisenja.naj @Hujandisenja
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Jadi beberapa hari lalu, sempat menarik diri dari dunia luar.

Ya, my Bipolar depressive phase strikes back after a years :') setelah mencoba survive 4 tahun, datang lagi.

That's why i never replied any kind of messages or call. I'm sorry.
Kenapa menarik diri dari dunia luar? Karena takut menyeret orang lain ke dalam pusaran depresi juga. Because I know menghadapi orang yg punya riwayat mental illness kaya gw dan lagi dalam fase depresi itu ga gampang, salah2 lo ikutan depresi ngadepinnya :')
Apa hidup gw sedang tidak baik2 saja?

Engga. Hidup gw baik2 saja. Surrounded by a good and positive people. I received so many love from family and friends and i have nothing to rant about my life. Tapi ya namanya depresi datang kapan aja bahkan ketika kita lg bahagia sekalipun
Dimulai dari 2 minggu lalu, bangun tidur tiba2 ngerasa kelabu. Duduk di pinggiran tempat tidur and i started to cry for no reason.

Suddenly i felt emptiness, realy empty.. i felt not good enough & i'm not worth..
Langsung lemes ga ada energi bahkan ga ada keinginan apapun. Cuma pengen dikamar, sendiri dan diam. Because it's confusing, painful and unsettling.
And I started to cry and cry and cry and cry.

Cuma di tempat tidur tapi ga bisa tidur, cuma diem and cried and then diem lagi. Jendela ga dibuka, hordeng ga dibuka. Cuma pengen gelap dan sepi. Sempet keluar2 rumah tapi end up nya malah ga ngomong apa2 pas lg ngumpul sama temen2
Then I realized: Hello Bipolar, my old friend..welcome again.

Dari situ sadar, oke ini balik lagi. Then I decided to stay at home, shut of all communication. Memutuskan untuk memutus komunikasi karena pasti nantinya akan salah mengerti kl komunikasi diposisi keadaan depressed
Tapi untungnya masih bisa mikir bahwa depresi ini harus diberikan waktunya tersendiri, i have to embrace my depression.

Menerima dan ikhlas.
Pas depresinya nyerang, langsung chat mba Lisa @dubidubudam untung ku disemangati :')
Tapi karena dulu pernah mengalami fase ini jadi sedikit tau cara handlenya:
1. Meditasi
2. Shut of all communication
3. Embrace my depression
But i'm ok now, completely fine & okay. Konsumsi anti depressan lagi, sudah bisa berinteraksi lagi & ketemu temen2 lagi 😊

And ya i'm lucky to have the best caregiver in the world yg selalu ada untuk mendengarkan. Fyi, penting untuk penderita mental illness punya caregiver :')
Buat semua yg sedang dalam keadaan fase depresi, just embrace your depression and visit your psychiatrists :)
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