I really hate the expression "be your best self." It promotes an external, competitive, airbrushy selfhood that makes me feel anxious (which, I suspect, is the point) & rebellious (probably not the point). "Be your best self" says "because you sure as hell ain't her right now."
Who is this person? Your Best Self? Because she seems like your very worst friend, raising an eyebrow when you skip the gym, judging you for eating a cookie: "Is that what your best self would do?" Fuck you, I want to say, my best self loves cookies.
Why does your Best Self seem to look like everyone else, act like everyone else, & shop like everyone else? Is it possible this so-called Best Self is actually a fabrication of consumer culture, the same impulse magazines use to sell makeup & clothes & weirdly expensive candles?
And frankly, doesn't your Best Self seems kind of boring? Oh cool, your Best Self gets up with the sun to meditate & does yoga & drinks tea instead of coffee & always remembers to write thank you notes & never gets drunk & yells funny, mean things in crowded bars? SNOOZE.
Is your Best Self even someone you want to hang out with?
This is what I'm thinking, on the last night of 2018: Fuck your so-called Best Self. Fuck anything in your new year's resolutions that suggests you should be thinner, taller, less frizzy, more organized, more airbrushed, more monotonous, more predictable, more well-behaved.
Instead, look for your Favorite Self. Who is that person? Think about the times in your life when you've been particularly happy, particularly free, particularly you. Those times when, looking back, you admire your younger self for being so bold or weird or funny or determined.
Think about the kid you were, what you loved to do before you realized you were supposed to try to be more like everyone else. Think about the times in your life when you were surprisingly good at taking care of yourself & making choices in service of your own joy.
Me, I'm thinking of junior year in college, when I spent a lot of time in my dorm room reading about Piet Mondrian--not for a class, just because I was interested--& making weird collages on the portable photocopier that I kept under the bed (a gift from my dad, of course).
And my senior year in college, when I went on a long walk around town every day, without music or podcasts or any voices in my head except my own. And after college, when I constructed thematic reading lists to immerse myself in a place or time.
And in my twenties, when I lived in a small mountain house without a TV or reliable internet & tried to write novels. And after my divorce, when I bought myself fresh flowers every week & joined a kayaking club.
My favorite self perches in windowsills & writes in her journal, is comfortable being alone, reads voraciously, makes random art projects just for the hell of it, tends to her plants & buys herself flowers, puts on jazz and drinks wine while she cooks, goes exploring.
My favorite self writes because she wants to, not because she has to. My favorite self thinks about what will make her happy & figures out a way to do it. My favorite self is a weird arty nerd who frequently hears about how odd she is but doesn't care what anyone else thinks.
That's the person I want to be in 2019. My favorite self.
And that's what I want for you, too. Be your favorite self. I bet she's great. ❤️
