Thread by @riotheatherrr

I want to share a bit for this HT because, while I didn’t end up having to drop out, systemic ableism def. meant I thrived and learned less in school than I could have . . . #WhyDisabledPeopleDropout

Like a lot of Autistic women/non cis men, I did receive MH dxes in my teens and young adult years, but never had the full picture of myself/my support needs bc I did not fit the traditional diagnostic criteria (white male, not masking socially, etc). #WhyDisabledPeopleDropOut

By sophomore year of college, I was burnt out from trying so hard to be “a good girl” and student and fitting in socially with my peers that I had my first major depression—which I now understand to be autistic burnout. #WhyDisabledPeopleDropOut

[TW: ED] In high school, I’d struggled w/ disordered eating, anxiety, and horrible insomnia, but this depression was the first time I’d really feared that I could not survive. #WhyDisabledPeopleDropOut

Fortunately I went to a women’s college w/ a mental health center that on the vanguard of researching and understanding women’s experiences (for its time—mid ‘90s), and they connected me with an LCSW, a psychiatrist, and Prozac. #WhyDisabledPeopleDropOut

Within a few months, I actually felt great, and was loving school and friendships. Again, I was so lucky to be living in such a warm, accepting, plus professionally top notch community—even if neither they nor I knew that I was Autistic. #WhyDisabledPeopleDropOut

Eg. In counseling, and thanks to restored serotonin, I was able to explore a lot of issues related to being a young Autistic woman (feeling “other,” being psychologically manipulated by romantic partners, etc.), even if I couldn’t name them as such yet. #WhyDisabledPeopleDropOut

Life was quite good for my last 2 years of college . . . And then I went to the UK for graduate school.

I had not at all anticipated how a different country and culture (including academic and medical) would throw my (Autistic) self for a loop. #WhyDisabledPeopleDropOut #

At my previous school, academic expectations—and for the most part, social expectations—were quite clear, spelled out in syllabi and community guidelines. In case you didn’t know, Autistic people thrive when “rules”/expectations are not mysterious. #WhyDisabledPeopleDropout

In contrast, at my new uni, we were just expected to figure “rules” out for ourselves (unless we came from a posh family and already knew). If we didn’t please our tutors, that was our own fault for not figuring things out on our own. #WhyDisabledPeopleDropout

Although I was reading about 1000 pages and writing two essays per week—and my tutors expressed surprise that an American was such a good student of English literature, I still wasn’t sure I was doing things “right.” #WhyDisabledPeopleDropout

Before long, I was burnt out and depressed again . . . which led to my first visit with the NHS GP in my college. She prescribed me a different antidepressant, and referred me to group therapy led by a social worker. #WhyDisabledPeopleDropOut

(Sorry for the lag—had to pick a kid up at school!)

Anyway, the other patients in group therapy never allowed me to attend (they didn’t want an American in the group for whatever reason, so said the social worker). #WhyDisabledPeopleDropOut

My GP didn’t offer me another therapy referral, and I def. wasn’t sure (being a foreigner) if I should push for one, so I settled for the medicinal bandaid alone. #WhyDisabledPeopleDropOut

Over the next year while still fretting whether I was doing my graduate work “right,” I wasn’t v. depressed, but my body was def. trying to tell me I was burnt out: I was sick w/ mono/other viruses for months, injured my ankle, +had loads of gastro pain. #WhyDisabledPeopleDropOut

Meanwhile, even as I was overworking myself in school (still not sure I was reading the correct books, etc.), my main tutor kept implying that I wasn’t really sick. 😐 #WhyDisabledPeopleDropOut

In the end, I took my exams and finished my degree, but received a letter from my tutor once I was back in the US informing me that I’d only received a 2:1 (the equivalent of and A-/B+ degree), while he’d “hoped for a First” (ie. an A degree). 😐 Fin. #WhyDisabledPeopleDropOut

(There are other experiences of inaccessibility I could talk about from childhood and my second grad program back in the states, not to mention when I was a young middle school teacher, but the years I discuss above fit the HT most obviously . . .

I do feel that as an Autistic kid, then yYA, I am prob. 1 of those described as more orchid than dandelion. I have always tended to catch viruses/infections, plus develop chronic illnesses like migraine, when living in conditions that non-autistic people don’t find adverse.)