Harpreet Profile picture
May 28, 2019 40 tweets 22 min read
1
OK folks, looks like it is time to start another thread.
The hashtag this time is #YeBhaaratKePatrakaar!
Here's the first sample!
2
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
Bhai pehle decide kar lo kisne kis par assault kiya!
3
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
Maths thoda kamzor hai hamara!
4
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
Yup, BREAKING NEWS indeed!
🤣
5
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
We have finally found the answer to Akkal Badi Ya Bhains.
It is BHAINS which is bigger!
Here is proof by one of our most 'renowned' Patrakaars!
6
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
Glamour Parmo Dharmah!
So what if it is about the story of a lady who talks about sexist stereotypes.
In any case, irony never was our strongest quality, right?
7
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
Arre bhai, ye kaisi democracy chala di in India Today waalon ne?
🤣
8
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
Sometime in 2012 IIRC - Aur ye rahi Ek Bagh aur Baaghin ki Prem Kahani, India TV ki zubaani!
It has all the twists - Love Sex aur Dhokha!
9
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
Fact Checking?
Oh, we outsource that to the social media!
For us, Agenda reigns supreme, not facts!
10
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
Our opinions too keep 'evolving' .. you cannot call them double standards!
11
#YeBhaarataKePatrakaar
If only jumping to (unsubstantiated) conclusions was an Olympic Sport .. By God Ki Kasam, ITNE SAARE medal lekar aate hum log!
12
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
Oh, btw, we have a new definition of 'Classy'.
It means someone who DOES NOT support the Indian Armed Forces!
13
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
THANK GOD FOR DOORDARSHAN!
14
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
And we can do magic too - for example, we can 'magically' turn the burning towers of the World Trade Center into power plants that pollute India!
15
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
ALWAYS remember - hum karein toh 'evolving' opinions!
😂
16
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
Atleast they got the word 'Council' correct!
🤣
17
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
If only she had consulted a dictionary or maybe that English guide book this joker was supposedly consulting, she might have found the correct spelling of stationEry!
18
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
So the BSF guns down Paki intruders, and what do we do?
We promptly pic up a pic of an Indian Army Operation in Arnia and publish it with our report!
19
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
It was an India Vs Australia match, but to our horror, Australia started bowling against Australia after winning the toss!
Hamari bechari Indian team ki to uss din ki दिहाड़ी maari gayi!
😂
20
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
And we keep it 'classy'.
ALWAYS!
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#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
Beti Padhao .. tabhi toh protest ke time placard seedha pakdegi bechari!
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#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
We are also connoisseurs of fine art and budding artists, no matter how depraved they might be!
But we are simply appalled by the way common people keep offering us gratuitous advice, seriously.
23
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
I simply REFUSE to accept this 'clarification' .. ulta aur confuse kar diya hai mere ko!
24
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
Our biggest 'achievement' is that of exporting our editorial 'standards' abroad, Sachchi!
😂
25
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
Not very many would be aware, but we are military experts par excellence too.
For example, we know that you need to have a minimum of 21 fatalities, else your battle will be called 'not much of a battle'.
Take that, Clausewitz!
26
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
Thank God no one has yet done a survey of which profession 'boasts' of the largest gathering of double digit IQ dimwits, else, we'd be world famous!
27
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
When the editor of The Telegraph said that removal of Modi wass a 'righteous' task!
Yup .. we are as unbiased as it can get!
28
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
Anyone remember the movie 'Face-Off'?
Well, we can do it too .. and that too, along with a rest of the body switch!
29
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaari
Different festivals .. same fasting .. different coloured glasses from which we view them!
One type of fasting is unhealthy while the other is .. well .. AWESOME!
30
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
Oh, while we are at the topic of double standards, here's what we think of freedom of speech - it too is relative, depending upon our blinkered worldview!
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#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
And who can forget this twitter poll by @vivekagnihotri!
Saala ZERO percent vote diya hamare ko!
Heck, more people voted that they believe Pakistan than they believed in Indian Media!
Itni Izzat mili ki aankhon mein aansu aa gaye .. subak .. subak
😭
32
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
Will someone please tell these idiots that the Great Indian Bustard is a BIRD!
Arre bhai, wikipedia hee dekh lete!
33
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
Oh, the 'love' and 'affection' we get from our 'fans'!
Mindblowing, I tell you!
😂
34
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
Sometimes we also wish death for 'inconvenient' politicians.
But when called out for the 'jokers' that we are, we delete such tweets.
Btw, I really didn't know whether to post this here or in #NDTV thread since her Twitter bio says 'Now NDTV'!
35
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar

Dear @financialxpress,

The bird in the pic is
1. NOT THE HAWK
2. NOT SINGLE ENGINED
3. NOT JET POWERED
4. NOT A TRAINER
5. NOT USED FOR FINAL STAGE OF FIGHTER PILOT TRAINING

#JustSaying
🤣
36
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
The only problem with a low IQ and disconnect with our own culture is that we open ourselves to such 'showing of mirrors' by any and everyone!
Arre bhai, Puja ka muhurat samaapt hone tak toh intezar kar liya hota 'peaceful' diwali tweet karne se pehle!
🤣
37
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
Anyone remember this piece which led to the sacking of IANS Bureau Chief and Political Editor?
Personal political biases are still understandable.
But it takes a special kind of idiot to lose his/her job over it!
Bloody Unprofessional Dolts!
😂
38
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
While on the topic of 'inadvertant' postings on official handles by the idiots who are entrusted with them, this one from @aajtak is in a league of its own!
^^
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#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
As if that were not enough, they then went on to apologize and explain it away using the OFFICIAL @aajtak handle yet again!
Some people are just born special, I tell you!
Well, atleast they had the decency to call their dolt patrakaar a human!
🤣
^^
40
#YeBhaaratKePatrakaar
Aur phir thook kar chaatna toh hamein aata hee hai!
But we will forever be pained at the fact that despite our begging, that too from the official @aajtak handle, this person DID NOT DELETE the tweet .. 😢

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More from @CestMoiz

Feb 20
:Thread:
Dear Shri @Twi77zler Ji from Erstwhile West Pakistan, I know I and my own Nation are far from perfect. But to hear about treatment of minorities from a Bhikharistani, of all peoples in this world, still made me do an actual Facepalm.
Let me enlighten you why.
🙏
But dear Shri @Twi77zler Ji, before moving ahead, let me just inform you that I'm putting your handle on mute because I am really not interested in whatever crap you have to spew.
Talking about crap, I'll just leave this thread here to keep u 'entertained'
Now back to the Facepalm moment. For that I will need to acquaint you with your beloved Bhikharistan's constitution which explicitly BARS minorities from the highest offices of the lands.
Here is what it says about qualifications to be the PM and the President of Bhikharistan
Read 38 tweets
Feb 6
Well Played, @HyundaiIndia!
I'm sure the higher ups of @Hyundai_Global must be mighty impressed at your prowess in going into hiding!
Atleast one thing I know for sure as far as my next car goes - It will NOT be a Hyundai!
Cheers!
Looks like this poorly photoshopped photo of Shri @iamsrk ji in front of some @HyundaiIndia product is going to be in circulation for much much longer than it would have been under normal circumstances, thanks to the brand that he endorses, endorsing Pakistan in return!
🤣
Disclaimer: This 'funny' video is in no way related to the top folks of @Hyundai_Global handing over control of their @HyundaiIndia and @Pakistan_Hyundai operations, including social media, to a bunch of nincompoop monkeys!
🤣

#BoycottHyundai
Read 13 tweets
Jan 15
Army of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan doing a dance that would make the patrons of Heera Mandi proud!
Some mighty frustrated folks, these, I must say!
🤣
This reply to the tweet above reminded me of something that I had seen some time ago. Let me share it with you all!
Here it is. A short news report.
Gives some more perspective to the above comment.
Totally worth the 77 seconds of your life that it asks for. But if you don't have even that much to spare, just watch the last 5 seconds!
Totally worth it.
I promise!
🤣
Read 8 tweets
Jan 14
1/5
Today is the 261st anniversary of the Third Battle of Panipat.
Ahmed Shah Durrani would defeat the Marathas in a series of battles over next few days Image
2/5
However, own losses would force Durrani to sue for peace soon thereafter.
3/5
Photo: Third Battle of Panipat, 14 Jan 1761, Hafiz Rahmat Khan, standing right of Ahmad Shah Durrani, who is shown sitting on a brown horse Image
Read 6 tweets
Jan 13
Welcome to Social Media!
Where a non-existent controversy / outrage is just one photoshop / filter away!!
Jai Ho!!
Iss hafte ke liye yehi sahi. Weekend par pata nahi kaun sa naya controversy aa jayega!
Btw, Photoshop is the forte of the Brown Panted Ones.
#JustSaying
Don't believe me?
Well try and find the torso of the Brown Panted One standing next to the lady receiving her medal 🤣
Here's another Brown Panted Warrior with a MAGICAL Rifle - One that looks like the bastard child of two different rifles, but casts the shadow of something else altogether!!
Read 5 tweets
Jan 9
Dear @defence_pk Ji, thanks for your QT.
I concede on the point of the variant of the IL-78 of PAF.
But I do admire you for the 'What You Smoke' wala point. It is pretty .. err .. 'neat', coming from someone like you!
Allow me to take some time to elaborate upon this point 🙏
I understand that your handle is affiliated with the Pakistan Defence website, or defence.pk, as mentioned in your twitter bio as well. Of course, I would know, since that has been my 'go to' place whenever I find myself in need of some quality entertainment!
So I went there again today!
And guess what I found - people smoking some of the best stuff that there is to be found!
And not just smoke, but grow it as well so that Bhikharistan can stop begging for alms ASAP!
Yup, this member wants to grow opium for the good of the world!
Read 62 tweets

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