Thread by @AJMagicMessage

This evening I was sexually assaulted. I’m slightly in shock. I am still processing it, but I am already at the stage where I REALLY want all my male friends to read this carefully. I've had a tricky week but this was extraordinary.
1/15

I’m standing at the bar waiting to be served, a (male) stranger walks past, squeezes my backside & says ‘nice buns’. I am a bit stunned. The best I could manage on the spot was to turn round and say “Excuse me?” in my best teacher voice. “Nice Buns” was the repeated reply.
2/15

“They’re my buns, not yours” I said. Not great, I know, but still too shocked to come up with anything better.

He leaves the pub. I assumed (wrongly) that he had gone for good. Turns out he was just going out for a smoke. But the interesting thing is that I didn’t follow.
3/15

I returned to my table and told the others in our group (all female) what just happened. And now it gets interesting.

Most of them testified that this sort of thing has happened to them DOZENS of times over the years. Just think about that for a minute.
4/15

I am still unsure how to process this. If I had not been with CMJ and a group of other women I would have chased him out of the pub and no doubt got into an altercation from which neither of us would have emerged well.
5/15

He came back in. And sat with his friends at a nearby table. Including his girlfriend.

Later I went out to the car as I needed a bag. At the same time, another member of our group went out to smoke. Unfortunately, matey was also outside smoking.
6/15

Again - “Hello Gorgeous” (to me). Me: “You really need to watch your mouth mate” (not my greatest line but still on the back foot) “But you do have nice buns”.

I walked off to fetch the bag from the car.
7/15

Turns out the lady who had gone out at the same time as me said to him in my absence “Would you speak to me like that? No - so why do you think it’s ok to say it to him?” Respect! (And this was the first time she and I had ever met.)
8/15

I’m pleased to say that I had no further interaction with this man, though I watched him sink several more pints, suggesting he was probably pretty drunk, but I had (and still have) so many thoughts running through my head.
9/15

The sense of shock was uppermost, but also - and this is where I need my male friends to take note - the sense of disempowerment. Not that I couldn’t have handled myself if it got physical, but I was too stunned to even try.
10/15

The man was a stranger - touching a stranger sexually is NEVER OK.
I found myself feeling irrationally guilty that I had been for a run and hence had running shorts on; I realise that women have to put up with the same ‘well look how she was dressed’ bullshit all the time.
11/15

After all, if you wear an expensive watch it isn’t because you are asking me to steal it.
I wondered whether his use of alcohol played a part - no. We are responsible for our own actions, sober or drunk.
12/15

Women have to put up with this shit ALL THE TIME, but in five decades this is the first time for me.
I could have asked the pub to kick the man out. But I didn’t want to make a fuss. This is WRONG LOGIC - but understandable. Women often don’t want to make a fuss.
13/15

But they really should. I wonder what the pub would have done if I had reported this man. But I just didn’t want to spoil the evening. Here's the thing.
14/15

Guys, we should NEVER criticise women who don’t feel able to report abuse when it happens. So PLEASE stop it with the ‘why didn’t she say something at the time.' and the 'look how she was dressed.' For any number of reasons.

I never understood this properly until tonight.
15/15