Thread by @ShannonDingle

A few years back, I was part of an event and communicated my need for accommodations due to my disabilities and recent major surgery.

The event was accessible about 50% of the time, inaccessible but able to do uncomfortably 30%, and inaccessible entirely 20% of the time.

When I tried to address the issue during the event, I got treated like an inconvenience by some leaders and with apologies from one.

If you ever sense a bitter edge to my disability justice posts, this event is part of that. I’ve never felt more dehumanized than then.

In a follow up call, the event leader and I talked about accessibility. I wasn’t sure she was understanding well, but she did say she wanted me to consult with her org in the future.

She never followed through with that.

She did pressure me to write a letter taking some blame.

I agreed at the time. Having that call at all felt like progress. Leaders of inaccessible events rarely are willing to discuss what went wrong afterward.

The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized the call was all about blame shifting onto me, for being disabled.

I didn’t write the letter. I couldn’t. I wasn’t going to take blame because I didn’t nag them to make sure it was going to be accessible after I made my requests and they acknowledged them.

That’s when I realized Christian justice-minded folks were only about abled justice.

My faith & theology drive a lot of who I am & how I think, but I don’t write about that much anymore.

It hurts too much to have other Christians, many who I respect deeply, agree with my theology but, in their practice, show they don’t agree with my worth as a disabled person.

I’m seeing other Christian disability activists burn out on the church. It’s simple: if you say you want us but show you don’t, it isn’t just a disagreement in what we do next but also a disagreement about how much we matter.

And our worth is non-negotiable to us and to God.

Abled Christian writers, speakers, activists, leaders, clergy, bloggers, and authors, I don’t trust you.

I know you know the basic info - I’ve shared it with you, after all - but you keep planning & speaking & writing for events that exclude us. Our inclusion is not an elective.

I’m sick of language about everyone having a place at the table if the building or event is inaccessible in the first place.

Your words of welcome are bullshit if you don’t back them with action.

I’m not welcome at your table if I can’t event get to the fucking table.

I matter.

@StephTaitWrites matters.

All of us matter.

And if you don’t live like we do, we see that, and it hurts deeply.

I’m done answering basic questions about how to be an inclusive church for a while because I don’t want you to be getting the logistics right if your understanding of our worth is wrong.

Before he died, my husband would ask me why I persisted. He supported me but he saw my pain.

My post yesterday was about not wearing a smiley mask over my grief, but I realized today that’s what I do almost all the time when it comes to disability activism.

I’m not smiling. I’m weary, and I’m angry, especially of abled people abledsplaining any of these things to me.

You say all are welcome & belong, but your actions are speaking so loudly that we can’t hear your words.

Your actions are telling a truth you don’t even admit to yourself.

Your actions say I‘m welcome only if I speak, walk, emote, hear, see, & process information just like you.

If you’re an abled person who wants to reply about how your church is so accessible, don’t. You don’t know.

If your church is welcoming, then let disabled people say it is. They might be there because they love God even as your inaccessible community says you don’t love them.

I’m not asking for church recommendations either. We are at home @SE_RaleighTable.

But the pastor of our last church (NOT SERT) said our family used more resources than any other family so if we wanted more (in this case being part of a small group), he didn’t know what to say.

A friend recently told me she was surprised at all the racism surfacing because she thought we were over that. (Yes, she’s white.) I told her many white people weren’t paying attention if it didn’t seem to affect us.

Replace white with abled & racism with ableism. Still true.

I don’t know what my goal is here.

I do know I want my disabled kids to grow up into a community that is far more inclusive & accessible than I grew up into.

And? I’m not very confident that they will, that abled people actually want change, that abled people actually want us.

(That’s it. That’s the thread.

Anyone who tries to silver-lining any of this to make themselves more comfortable with disabled people’s pain is totally missing the point.

We can’t fix this until we name the problem and until you see us at all and as worthy.)