I am still beyond honored to have an essay in this collection. Mine's a short piece, so I’ll give you the highlights of how I moved from #AutismAwareness to #AutismAcceptance. However the rest of the essay are the meat of the #neurodiversity matter. 1/
All Done #AutismAwareness: There’s a saying we overuse in my household: “All done, [X]!” We’ve actually swiped the saying from our son Leo, who is Autistic, as “all done” is what he proclaims when he is completely fed up with the activity or person at hand. 2/
Personally, I am “all done #AutismAwareness.” I don’t think ‘awareness’ is useful. If my loud, handsome #autistic son is in the room, you’ll probably be aware that he’s there — but that awareness doesn’t place you under any obligation to support or understand him. 3/
Yet support and understanding are what my #autistic son needs. He does not NEED your awareness. 4/
#AutismAwareness soaks up the color and slant of any #autism agenda, positive or negative, in a socially acceptable and often self-congratulatory fashion but without pressure to create real change to help #autistic people. #Neurodiversity 5/
Not every #AutismAwareness promoter behaves badly or disingenuously, of course — but I’ve seen too many people and organizations use #AutismAwareness as a fear-laden sledgehammer to scare people into donating money to dubious causes. 6/
#AutismAwareness campaigns also imply passivity, and so are mildly helpful at best, infuriating at worst. 7/
Instead of #AutismAwareness, I prefer #AutismAcceptance — it galvanizes the positive aspects of Autism Awareness, and cements them into an unequivocal statement of action.
#AutismAcceptance means valuing my #autistic son’s rights as a person, as well as the rights of his spectrum-mates. 9/
#AutismAcceptance means understanding that my fierce mama bear love, protectiveness, and defensiveness about my son’s #autism should not overpower #autistic voices on autism issues and policy. 10/
#AutismAcceptance means acknowledging that I am by definition an outsider in my #autistic son’s world, and must rely on the courtesy of autistics to help me understand what being Autistic means, what it’s like to be a person like Leo in a world made for people like me. 11/
I did not start out from a place of #AutismAcceptance. As a disability community outsider and a fairly non-intuitive person, I lacked the context, experience, and insight to see past our society’s too-prevalent #autism stereotypes of pity and parental burdens. 12/
Before I had an #autistic child, I never knew anyone who identified as Autistic, never realized the full variation of the Autistic experience, never considered that #autism did not have to preclude my son from living a full and happy life. #AutismAcceptanceDay
13/
Thankfully, the online and offline worlds are alight with autism acceptance trailblazers — Autistic people of course, but professionals and parents too (and some who fit into two or all of those categories). #AutismAcceptance 14/
Those #AutismAcceptance trailblazers have not only shown me the way, but have shown incredible patience ALONG the way (I’m not always the best listener). And I remain mindful that I still have much to learn about autism & that much of that learning will come from Leo himself. 15/
#AutismAcceptance does not mean surrender—quite the opposite. I accept my son *&* am also a human blunderbuss when it comes to demanding the supports Leo needs to be a successful, happy person. I will continue to demand that society accept him & his spectrum-mates, as well. 16/16
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I see you when you are having a tough day yet still manage to interact with your child with respect and kindness.
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I see you when you keep your voice calm during crises, because you know your autistic child is extra-sensitive to emotions and they need you to help them keep it together, or get it back together. 3/
I think it should be OK to write about our autistic kids. I do. I think other parents, esp. those not autistic themselves or new to autism, need parent role models who do their best to understand & love their autistic kids, & be the parents those kids need them to be. Thread. 1/
Parent role models are needed bc media messages/social attitudes about autism & autistic people are consistently fear-ridden & awful, so parents primed on autism negativity need guidance for accepting who their kids are—so they can avoid blaming their kids for who they aren’t. 3/
What will we be talking about? Well, I’m mostly interested in creating sensory-friendly homes and environments. 1/
@TheSTARInst Specifically, it’s crucial to understand that we CAN create sensory-friendly environments that allow everyone therein to function best. It isn't always easy, and can mean compromise if there are competing access needs. 2/
@TheSTARInst By placing a focus on how autistic people (and others with sensory sensitivities) perceive and process their environment, and by reframing sensory modifications as caring adjustments rather than impositions, we can create spaces in which we all thrive. 3/ #neurodiversity
It’s tricky to be a parent advocate in the autism community, especially if, like me, you are not autistic yourself. Autism is about autistic people, & that’s who should be leading autism advocacy efforts. Threading my recent @AutismOAR column:
@AutismOAR …But in the nearly two decades since my son was diagnosed, I’ve learned that I do have a role as an advocate: To learn and share and fight for the policies and knowledge needed for my son to live a good life as an autistic person.
Parents of autistic people simply can’t avoid being advocates. It is not reasonable to be passive when our loved ones need so much support, & when there are so many roadblocks to getting that support from educational, social, & medical networks that are supposed to provide it. 3/
I can’t stress just how screwed most parents of autistic kids are when it comes to finding good info that will actually help those kids and their families live the best lives possible. PLEASE LET ME HELP YOU LIVE YOUR BEST LIVES, and you can start by listening to autistic adults.
And I don’t mean “listen to all autistic adults without any filter” because autistic adults can give mean, awful, horrible advice, just like any randos from a huge diverse group of humans. But let me guide you to the good sources! My son’s and my lives are so much happier now!
To start: here’s what I’ve learned about parenting & autism: After an Autism Diagnosis: 13 Necessary Next Steps For Parents: thinkingautismguide.com/2017/03/after-…
When your child get an autism diagnosis: Here are 13 next steps for parents that I WISH someone had told me at the time! A thread, drawn from the @thinkingautism archives, and in observation of #AutismAcceptanceMonth
After my son’s autism diagnosis, I wished it hadn't taken me so damn long to figure out the best ways to support, help, advocate for, and express my love for my now-adult son—who has always deserved better than a reeling, terrified, depressed, confused, and regretful mom. 2/
I should have given myself more time to recognize my wonderful autistic boy for who he is, rather than what ignorant, misguided people insisted autism made him. I also wish I'd been able to recognize and dismiss all that debilitating ignorance, fear, and confusion. 3/