For the last few days, along with others, I've been concerned & tweeting about not only the physical health consequences of #schoolsreopening but also the psychological & emotional impact of social distancing in primary schools.
And now this 👇 1/
unherd.com/2020/05/lockdo…
And now this 👇 1/
unherd.com/2020/05/lockdo…
We're days into a row that started when @OwenJones84 dared to suggest that folk lucky enough to have cleaners might pay them to stay at home during #Covid_19 This most recent piece by @sarahditum asks for kindness & I write this thread with that plea in mind. 2/
I've been researching & writing about nonmothers & mothers (non/fathrrs too) for 30+ years. As an involuntarily childless woman I understand the loss of nonmotherhood. As a nursery nurse for 8 yrs & a step parent of 2 teenage boys/young men for 15 yrs I have done childcare. 3/
In addition to my home (the boys lived with us) & work (in HE as well as nursery ed) experience with children & young people I am involved in the lives of the children & grandchildren of friends. I note all this to show how the lives of 'the childless' are rarely 'childfree'. 4/
The stereotypes are well known:
- voluntary childless = selfish
- involuntary childless = pitiable
But, just like mothers & fathers our lives are complex, multidimensional & it is wrong to judge & define us by this one aspect of our identity. 5/
- voluntary childless = selfish
- involuntary childless = pitiable
But, just like mothers & fathers our lives are complex, multidimensional & it is wrong to judge & define us by this one aspect of our identity. 5/
Unlike Ditum I suggest that feminism has made it easier, much easier, to acknowledge the ambivalence of motherhood/parenthood but this remains harder for non/mothers/parents:
- involuntary childless + ambivalent = 'you don't really want kids enough, if you did...' 6/
- involuntary childless + ambivalent = 'you don't really want kids enough, if you did...' 6/
- voluntary childless + ambivalent = more proof of selfishness; of wanting the best of all worlds.
It's not easy to be the 'right' sort of mother or father either. There is an ideal: white, middle class, able-bodied, in a stable heterosexual relationship, not... 7/
It's not easy to be the 'right' sort of mother or father either. There is an ideal: white, middle class, able-bodied, in a stable heterosexual relationship, not... 7/
... too young, not too old (although this is easier for men, just see the current PM as an example), more than one (biological) child, no more than about three...
Everyone, everyone has an opinion too & it's hard to keep up with the fashions of childcare, the burden of which..8/
Everyone, everyone has an opinion too & it's hard to keep up with the fashions of childcare, the burden of which..8/
...still more often falls on women even in dual income families.
But having children is a privilege, a wonderous, beautiful privilege and a choice that many for social, financial, medical reasons do not have. Add to this the 'othering'. 9/
But having children is a privilege, a wonderous, beautiful privilege and a choice that many for social, financial, medical reasons do not have. Add to this the 'othering'. 9/
- you're not fully adult until you've had children
- you can't appreciate your own parents until you've had children of your own
- you don't understand or have any right to comment on children if you don't have any . . .10/
- you can't appreciate your own parents until you've had children of your own
- you don't understand or have any right to comment on children if you don't have any . . .10/
#Lockdown is hard for parents. Of course it bloody is. I/We get it.
It's hard too for those living with & caring for elderly relatives. It's hard for those separated from family. It's hard too for those living alone (parents or not). It's hard, but for some...11/
It's hard too for those living with & caring for elderly relatives. It's hard for those separated from family. It's hard too for those living alone (parents or not). It's hard, but for some...11/
...there are pleasures too - ambivalence again.
I recognise my own personal ambivalences. I miss & will also miss not having any biological offspring. I am grateful for the children & young people in my life. I know I have more freedom than my friends with grand/children...12/
I recognise my own personal ambivalences. I miss & will also miss not having any biological offspring. I am grateful for the children & young people in my life. I know I have more freedom than my friends with grand/children...12/
I appreciate that I might not have achieved so much professionally if I was also mother, but maybe I might have...
Since becoming more politically active four years ago I have spent much of my time fighting for all 'our' children; for a better world for all. But... 13/
Since becoming more politically active four years ago I have spent much of my time fighting for all 'our' children; for a better world for all. But... 13/
.... yet as ever I have felt excluded. Not least in:
- having to argue that's it is not Theresa May's childlessness that makes her a Tory !
- having to suggest that 'Mums 4 Corbyn' excludes women like me & also men who care. 14/
- having to argue that's it is not Theresa May's childlessness that makes her a Tory !
- having to suggest that 'Mums 4 Corbyn' excludes women like me & also men who care. 14/
Like Owen Jones I do have opinions on childcare & on the health & rights of everyone (including cleaners & nannies). In Ditum's view I guess that makes me a 'childless pundit'. We all have views on issues we don't have direct experience of though. Surely talking/sharing... 15/ 
... and attempting to understand the differences & the similarities between us as parents and nonparents is better, richer, KINDER, than dismissing a whole group of people (who care) as having nothing to add?
I'm done. Thanks for reading ❤ 16//
I'm done. Thanks for reading ❤ 16//
