I take my #selfies for the purpose of building my #selfesteem. I know I am not more beautiful than other people. I know I am not more popular. The number of friends who view the my #photography is very small. But they are survival of sorts.
Yes, I am a wreck sometimes. I don't believe in taking the pains to look like a person who I am not. If my hair is a mess, then it is a mess. That is how I am. Many people cannot afford to be like I am. They cannot afford to let their #depression show.
When I was in Scouts, there was this kid who was obsessed by the fact that I didn't party my hair. Never a meeting or a campout went by without him commenting on it. Truth was I found it hard to part my hair. But this was Scouts -- you didn't mention weakness.
So I told him that I was styling my hair in the new partless look. He would have none of this, but the miracle was, it shut him up.
Today, I went out to photograph some spots along a country road near our home. I have been making note of places where I want to pull over at various hours to photograph sunsets, landscapes, horses, etc. This desperation stems from...
...the dwindliing store of photos on my hard disk. Like The Lady of Shalott I am half sick of the shadows I create of my face. I took a diversion today by posting a picture of my foot wearing one of my art socks.
One of the attractions of the San Joaquin Marsh is an island in the middle of one of the ponds that is covered with White Pelicans and Double Crested Cormorants. I have a confession about the cormorants: I have...
...never been close enough or had a powerful enough lens to see the tiny wisps of hair that constitute the "crests" on these birds. There are those who doubt that they exist. As far as I know there are only a handful of photos showing the crests...
...and even they are not impressive. The best practice is to assume that any cormorant that you see in the San Joaquin Marsh is a Double Crested and check it of your life list as one. I get many questions about the cormorants...
Here is the secret behind the existence of San Joaquin Marsh: it is a sewer. Here is the reasoning behind the construction of this artificial wetland. The water processing plant adjacent to the refuge cleanses runoff and sewage...
...of fertilizers and other urban nasties. You cannot pump clean water into the Upper Newport Bay and expect a healthy ecosystem. The water needs to carry nutrients that the ecological pyramid of the Bay depends on...
...to feed the lowest tier of the animal community. Clean water does not carry out this task. So to be sure that the water is fit for this community, it is run through the channels and ponds where it picks up...
1.) Medication. I couldn't work on many of these things until this laid down a foundation.
2.) Sleep. If I don't get enough of this, I will invite mania. But I've noticed something unusual lately...
...I am becoming manic even with enough sleep. I'm not sure of what is happening but it may be resolved with
3.) Stress control. Like everyone else, #QuarantineLife is taking its toll on me. I hardly see my friends except on Zoom. Socializing helps dispel the little blue devils.
4.) Exercise. I could do more of this but the heat wave has limited the hours I can get out.
5.) Diet. High blood sugar can lead me to depression, so watching what I eat is critical.
I worked hard to come back from the brink. I fight my illness nearly every day of my life. But I am not a hero for the abled to applaud. My life is my own to live, not as an example for those who have no clue of what I have experienced. #bipolardisorder
It is dangerous for us to seek the fawning attention of the abled. It does not raise us in their eyes but lowers the body of all of us as human beings. While I will accept help from the abled if I need it, I am wary of it because of what may come attached.
And I must ask: is my life story that much more helpful to others with my condition than taking the time to listen to people in need? My experience is special to me. I have not written a book because I do not want...
My hair's getting long, but not long enough to tie into a ponytail, which is my intention in this time when we avoid barbers. You can see how long my hair has become in the selfie I posted today. In it I sit at my desk...
...working on my laptop, my immense desk towering over me and clutter filling the space that is not filled by electronics. I chose black and white for this composition as I do for all my best selfies. It's unique because...
...I show myself from the back, a trick I mastered by resorting to the ten second timer in one of my cameras. I don't know how I feel about this photo -- perhaps you have something to say. I'd be very interested.