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Steve Cuss

12 Nov, 11 tweets, 2 min read

My chaplain supervisor said, 'The ER doesn't cause the dynamic in a family, it simply reveals and then heightens what it already there.'

Close families got closer, tense ones got worse.

1/

My early reps in Family Systems Theory were about reading the family dynamic in the first 3 minutes.

Once you learn to notice anxiety between people, it is amazing how quickly you can notice healthly or toxic dynamics.

2/

I think COVID is the equivalent of the ER. It isn't causing starved souls in pastors, it is revealing the condition of our soul health and amplifying it.

This can feel threatening but is actually a gift.

3/

If your soul is struggling, you can move toward health. You can budget for an intensive, get a coach, or if you have no money to spend, then you can spend your time.

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I learned early when working in a church that no one else is going to tend to my soul - it is my responsibility to carve out a life of joy with God.

To work hard ensuring that what I am teaching others is congruent with what I experience myself.

5/

It doesn't come naturally. In fact, I think most pastors would agree that ministry gets in the way of soul health - that it can be detrimental. Therefore we need more intentionality and vigilance.

6/

But it can be so hard when we feel pressure, especially in COVID days.

Can I just say this? Now is the right time to do something about it. It doesn't have to be this way. You can pastor and enjoy God and cultivate a soul relationship that gives you what you offer others:

7/

Freedom, peace, love.

One source of anxiety: a double bind.

So many pastors I know want to be Eugene Peterson or Henri Nouwen, but also want to be on the Outreach list or Catalyst stage. Neither is bad of course, but choose you this day.

8/

Faithfulness first. Soul care first. Drinking in the streams of grace you so eloquently tell others about first.

And then these things may or may not be added unto you.

9/

A final word on COVID and ER. It is also exposing our congregant's discipleship.

Lots of shifting and shuffling going on. Lots of preference driven decisions.

God is good. In the shaking, there is grace. stay firm on your vision and values.

10/

Cast a compelling, beautiful vision for the beauty and mess of the local church and how each of us are essential for it to thrive. Let God manage the shuffling and shifting.

And fight hard for peace today.

11/11

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More from @stevecusswords

Steve Cuss

@stevecusswords

11 Nov

A top source of anxiety for a church leader: a text or email from a member or leader saying some variation of, 'I want to meet as soon as possible. It is about the church.'

A thread of what happens in the leader's inner world and how to begin differentiation

1/

First the leader's mind typically goes into overdrive. Anxiety floods you and you begin to fill in what you don't know (what they want to meet about) with what you think (many various possibilities about what is could be.)

2/

This is your way of trying to manage anxiety: filling in the gaps, often to a pathological level, before you meet.

But being in anxiety's grip is like drinking salt water. It will never lead you to quenching that thirst, it will just get worse.

There is another way.

3/

Read 13 tweets

Steve Cuss

@stevecusswords

3 Nov

Murray Bowen predicated 'societal regression' in the 1950s - the simple concept that anxiety is contagious in groups, therefore it spreads in societies. Our society's anxiety feels at a breaking point. We need leaders with calm presence and resolve more than ever.

1/

Step 1 is noticing when we are getting infected by the anxiety of others.

Step 2 is to pause and reflect before acting. I know being 'proactive' is a huge part of strong leadership, but stronger leadership is actually, 'pause and reflect before moving.'

2/

Sometimes action and git 'er done is a sign of anxiety in a leadership.

Step 3 is to clarify values. What are you social media behavior values? How do you stay connected to hostile and anxious people? It takes real work.

Read 7 tweets

Steve Cuss

@stevecusswords

2 Nov

Five guaranteed sources of anxiety for a leader:

1) New.
2) Scarcity.
3) Ambiguity.
4) Criticism from trusted or untrusted sources.
5) Not knowing what to do/having to do something.

I suspect we're in for a stouche this next week or more.

Breathe deep, leaders.

1/

Now is the time to practice Differentiation of Self.

A simple 3 column list is helpful:

What is mine to carry?
What is theirs?
What is God's?

First column is your responsibility, second two columns are what you pray for.

Also

2/

In the face of significant personal and cultural anxiety, it pays to put some life giving activity in the bank. You'll no doubt be spending that account down in the next few months.

3/

Read 6 tweets

Steve Cuss

@stevecusswords

17 Oct

Lots of challenges facing pastors now days.

One significant challenge is the gap between what she or he believes about God and what she or he experience from God.

1/

One gap I see:

I believe in God's love but I struggle to experience it.

I think this gap is exacerbated by two three dynamics:

2/

1. Being both God's employee and God's child can tend to get us in an identity mix up. Too much employee, not enough child.

2. Eloquently telling others of God's love, but not experiencing it ourselves can inoculate us to it.

3/

Read 19 tweets

Steve Cuss

@stevecusswords

14 Oct

What is the simplest way to move into calm, aware presence? 4 steps in 4 tweets.

1/

1. Pay attention to the space inside you and become hyper aware of what is going on, what triggers you etc.

When we notice and name our triggers, we move from being in their grip to having them in ours. Then we can pause and give them to God. Easier tweeted than done.

2/

2. Give equal attention to the space between you and another. Pay special attention to recurring, predictable patterns between you. Define your contribution to the problem. What 'more of the same' and 'try harder' are you applying that is not working or making it worse?

3/

Read 6 tweets

Steve Cuss

@stevecusswords

5 Oct

One of the most powerful ways to practice #differentiation is through the lens of responsibility.

What is mine to carry, what is theirs, what is God's?

Not an easy question to answer, but always worth a pause and reflection.

1/

When we're in anxiety's grip, we tend toward hiding, avoiding or blaming or, yikes, the trifecta of all three.

But practicing differentiation forces us to clarify responsibility. The authors of Scripture remind us again and again that we can control one thing: self.

2/

So we can make a list of the things we are anxious about and then a check box set of columns. How much control do I have over what I am anxious about? Lots? Some? None?

3/

Read 10 tweets

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