Thread by @pfemiolaleye

How to marry well .

A thread .

It is not news that a lot of marriages begin to struggle after less than a year . Especially after the euphoria of the wedding has cleared from the mind and becomes a distant memory . When this happens it becomes clear that you made a choice you will live with .

There is no love in marriage neither is there peace in it . There is love and peace in people . This means that a great marriage is determined by the quality of the people in it . Marriage doesn’t have any special magic portion within it .

This is why the marital decision must never be rushed or taken out of desperation. You must consider things spiritually, mentally and physically. Marriage is a marathon . Wise men consider all things when running long distances .

So what are the things to consider ? What metrics must you use ? Does God have to show you who your spouse is ? Does he give you a name ? Do you need to go to seers to check the future ? What method should you apply ?

Here they are :

Spiritual values - What does this person hold dear ? Do you have similar views about God , humanity and relating with people ? Do you hold the same things sacred ? How about morality ? Same moral code ?

Most conflicts between spouses that where love birds arises here . The challenge usually is that they usually don’t have the same level of persuasion as regards what is moral and what is not . For example, some don’t see anything wrong with polygamy while you do

You cannot marry someone who you knew doesn’t see a thing wrong with having multiple sexual partners while married and then begin to expect for that to change because you married . It was their moral code to sleep around as to them it isn’t wrong .

Spiritual values are very important . You have to examine that person you are considering. If there are overwhelming areas of conflict, it wouldn’t be wise to proceed . Those cracks will be the avenue for issues to arise .

Now the second metric :

Mental compatibility- It is wisdom to marry your size or in the neighborhood of your size mentally . It is frustrating being married to someone who really doesn’t reason at a level at par with , over or close to yours . You will end up being lonely .

You will begin to seek out people to have discussion with because their mental processor can handle the weight of your discuss whereas your spouse can’t handle it or contribute. Before you know it you will become a stranger to your spouse .

There are ways to handle this but it is better sorted before marriage than during it . It will be harder to resolve and will require a whole lot of patience and even resentment .

Never ignore red flags . They usually arise from any of the afore mentioned broad points . Red flags are always there and cannot be wished away . They have a way of always having to be re-visited during the course of a marriage or relationship.

I will mention some red flags as we go along .

The third metric ?

Physical or natural values - Are you attracted to the person ? Do you find them beautiful or handsome ? Comfortable with the body odour ? Personal hygiene ? Or they always smell like a dumpster when you see ?

Sexual attraction is key in marriage . No matter the physical changes , usually two people will stay attracted to each other barring any other unforeseen issues . So pay attention to this . So kindly wait till you are sure that want this person to touch you that way !

If personal hygeia men is a problem , discuss it . You may need to encourage deodorant use , body sprays and under wear management. You may need to discuss wearing clean clothes . Don’t ignore it and then start ranting during marriage .

Hygiene*

During friendship or courtship red flags always arise at one point or the other . Here are a few .

- that time where he/she hit you or slapped you for what you said or did
- The attempt to make you agree to sex which you rejected .
- The in-authorized use of your ATM

- The time where unsavory words where said about authority figures .
- The words said to break you when you where weak or down .
- The cheating and apology after
- Always broke and needing money .

These are a few red flags . Don’t ignore them . They will always reoccur .

Like I always tell friends . A good marriage is a dependable launch platform for success . If you have one you can achieve anything . If you dong then there will be struggles . Don’t rush this decision. Ensure you build properly . God will guide you in Jesus name .

Amen .

Unauthorized *