Thread by @GuardianofJupi1

#xicheng

The problem with first love was how it stayed with you. And if you're Jiang Wanyin, who has fierce sense of loyalty, first love didn't not just linger, it haunted him.

Throughout the decade after losing Wei Wuxian, Jiang Wanyin hunted the barest presence of him in-

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demonic cultivator, both hoping and yet hating the hope bubbling in him each time he heard news of cultivators dabbling in the cursed art. There were times - in the darkest of nights and the heaviest of heart, Jiang Wanyin thought he would never leave this love he harboured for-

shixiong. That he would be cursed to love the ghost that mysteriously stolen his heart even after he had taken everything from him.

And then, the unthinkable happened. Wei Wuxian returned in the form of Mo Xuanyu and Jiang Wanyin didn't need to listen him playing dizi to-

recognise him. Jiang Wanyin had grown up with Wei Wuxian and everything about him was seared permanently in his heart and mind. Once Wei Wuxian looked into his eyes, through that ridiculous mask, Jiang Wanyin knew he had returned.

For one weak moment, Jiang Wanyin had hoped Wei Wuxian would come back with him to Lotus Pier. He had demanded that from him, but his shixiong had run away, not wanting to hear anything from him, not wanting to know what happened to him since the day he destroyed everything.

How was it possible for a heart to break all over again? To think that after all these years, he was the only one clinging to this fragile love between them. Now, Wei Wuxian didn't even want to talk to him. He had rather run into the arms of Hanguang-Jun.

That night, Jiang Wanyin had sat in the dark, with tears falling down his cheeks as his heart ached badly. Sixteen years went by and nothing had changed. Wei Wuxian still preferred running away then confronting him.

He meant so little to his shixiong.

How's that still shocking?

It was the same night, Jiang Wanyin FINALLY, decided to let go of this love.

It was the hardest thing for him to do because Jiang Wanyin had always clung to the people he loved the hardest and the longest. Perhaps that was why the heaven punished him by making him the survivor.

When the sun came up the next day, his cheeks were dried and his head was held up high. When he saw Wei Wuxian next, he showed his temper and anger but never his love. When the event ended at Guanyin Temple, he rushed to Jin Ling and let Wei Wuxian go to whomever he wanted to be.

Jiang Wanyin was done being the one who's chasing.

---

The life with Lan Zhan was good. Not really predictable, with him being the Chief Cultivator and Wei Wuxian got to see all kind of situations. Not boring either, since Lan Zhan really meant it when he said everyday.

And Wei Wuxian didn't deny he returned Lan Zhan's feelings too.

But as the years went by, Wei Wuxian began to feel a dark, gaping void growing within him. It made him restless and melancholy. Lan Zhan could see him and when he asked him about it, Wei Wuxian couldn't say what.

That feelings went on for months that nothing he did could quell it. No mysteries to be solved, no nighthunts with the juniors and no late night affairs with Lan Zhan was enough.

Until one day when he had accidentally run into Jiang Wanyin.

Rather only he saw his former shidi.

As always his first reaction when he saw Jiang Wanyin was to hide himself away. And that was what he did.

From his spot, he saw Jiang Wanyin was talking to one of the vendor in the market. He looked so remarkably different than the last time Wei Wuxian saw him.

Instead of lines of irritation in between the eyebrows or the harsh thinning of the lips or stiff back, Jiang Wanyin looked almost... soft under the afternoon sun.

A soft gasp escaped his mouth.

It had been five years since Wei Wuxian had seen Jiang Wanyin. And what different-

Jiang Wanyin carried now. Today, Jiang Wanyin was wearing a bright smile on his face. The amethyst eyes twinkled in the humour. The vendor that was talking to him was smiling as well and there was no trace of fear in his face as he talked to the fearsome Sandu Shengshou.

And then, Wei Wuxian inhaled sharply when Jiang Wanyin threw his head back and laughed, the sound rang attractively across the air. The vendor was helplessly enamoured by the look of his face.

Jiang Wanyin looked pretty when he flushed in happiness.

And definitely in love.

For one dark angry moment of heartbeat, Wei Wuxian snarled as he wondered who was it that had made Jiang Wanyin happy.

Who had taken his place in Jiang Wanyin's heart?

Who had made him happy instead of him?

Jealousy consumed him like fire in the wind.

For days after that, Wei Wuxian found himself losing sleep. The need to know who was it that had caught Jiang Cheng's elusive attention, because Wei Wuxian knew how hard it was to capture Jiang Cheng 's heart.

Each time he heard Jiang Cheng's name being mentioned, his-

attention was caught and he found himself straining to hear any gossip that could tell him who Jiang Cheng loved.

Was it Sect Leader Nie? Wei Wuxian remembered how fond Nie Huaisang was with Jiang Cheng when they were young. And now they had bonded over the tragedy revolved-

around Nie Mingjue and Jin Guangyao, was it possible that Nie Huaisang was Jiang Cheng's lover?

Or was it his head disciple? Wei Wuxian saw how protective he was over his sect leader, glaring at him each time they crossed path as if Wei Wuxian had greatly offended him.

Or was it any of the young cultivator ladies that Wei Wuxian didn't know. Twenty years were awfully long time. While Wei Wuxian knew that when they first met after his resurrection Jiang Cheng was still holding on the remnant of love they shared previously, other people might-

have relentlessly tried to pursue Jiang Cheng. And now Wei Wuxian had clearly told Jiang Cheng that he had chosen Lan Zhan, Jiang Cheng might have finally allowed their advances.

Wei Wuxian didn't know why he was feeling this way. He had Lan Zhan for heaven's sake!

And he had already turned away from Jiang Cheng. Why would he care at all when he was the one who rejected Jiang Wanyin?

Weeks passed by and Wei Wuxian had become even more and more restless. When he saw Jiang Cheng again, he was shown once again how beautiful his shidi was-

when happiness surrounded him.

The sight of Jiang Cheng being all carefree and unburdened reminded Wei Wuxian of their childhood, when the love they shared was fresh, innocent and simple.

He was reminded of the times when Jiang Cheng's eyes widened in wonder when he gave-

him his first kiss. The wonder in those violet eyes were a sight to behold.

He remembered when they took a swim in the lakes, and then, laying on the ground in their thin swimming undershirts to dry. He recalled the way their fingers intertwined, hearts thumping, cheeks flushed.

Wei Wuxian remembered the simple life, the easy happiness and the blatant adoration shared throughout their adolescence.

And suddenly his heart ached in absolute grief for to the love loss. Other people might find it hard to believe, but Jiang Cheng was gentle and unsure when-

he was in love. It was hard not to love him back, with all the vulnerability and insecurity with him.

Wei Wuxian caught the tears within his palms. Oh- oh... He missed Jiang Cheng.

He wanted, so very much, to try again with him.

---

When Lan Xichen was healing within the solitary of his own room, Jiang Wanyin became the amongst his wandering thoughts. He thought about all the things he was blinded from - Jin Guangyao's deeds, Da-ge's death and Nie Huaisang's solitary suffering of trying to avenge him.

He thought of all the things that he had overlooked. In his sense of righteousness, he had thought Jin Guangyao to be the epitome of good conduct, while Jiang Wanyin tethered on the rope of good and bad.

How foolish he had been. How blind.

And now he wondered whether all the-

stories that he heard about Sandu Shengshou was even remotely true. Or had it been embellished by biased minds and cruel tongues?

The trails of thought brought him to the memories of the past; of young Jiang Wanyin trailing after his older shixiong and chasing after his father.

He thought of young Jiang Wanyin, newly elected leader and fresh from losing his entire family, arriving at the cultivator conferences with baby Jin Ling wrapped around his chest. Grief still framed his face and posture but even then he still stood up tall, strong and determined.

He thought about his regrets of not extending a hand of friendship, but merely an alliance to Yunmeng Jiang Sect. He wondered about how the path in his life would be so drastically different had he had Jiang Wanyin as his friend. Would Jiang Wanyin push him to see him the truth?

When he left Hanshi a year later, he slowly refamiliarised himself with the sect leader's affairs. One step at time - slowly and surely; one breath after another - deep and even. Time seeped away the pain of betrayal little by little.

Along the healing, there was Jiang Wanyin.

Now that Lan Xichen was wearing a pair of new lens, each of Jiang Wanyin's grouse and temper and snark was met with a novel sense of humour and adoration. Every single scowl and sneer caused his heart to quicken and those piercing violet eyes haunted his dreams.

There was something innately precious in the way Jiang Wanyin held himself; how he used his temper to protect his heart and scowl to keep people away.

Lan Xichen wanted to break through all those barriers. He wanted to uncover the feelings that Wanyin'd never let anybody know.

Jiang Wanyin had been surprised when Lan Xichen first made his first move. He hadn't been willing to accept it, unwilling to believe him.

Lan Xichen persisted still. He was relentless in his pursue. The more he uncovered, the deeper he fell for Jiang Wanyin. Soon, he found-

himself to be unable to stay away from him for long. The day Jiang Wanyin accepted him was the happiest day of his life.

And then, he discovered Jiang Wanyin without barriers surrounded him. He discovered what it was like to have Jiang Wanyin trusted in him, loved him and-

protective of him.

To be loved by fierce Sandu Shengshou was akin to being swallowed by the rushing river. The intensity of it was breathtaking.

The only he regretted was that it took him almost twenty years to be where he was right now. He had wasted so much time.

And now, he heard Wei Wuxian was taking an entirely new interest on his former shidi. When he first heard and saw it, possessiveness and jealousy arose within him were so visceral because how dare Wei Wuxian thought of coming back to Jiang Wanyin after crassly throwing him away?

Oh, he knew about their history. He knew about how one of barriers within Jiang Wanyin's heart was due to the first love he had for Wei Wuxian. He had felt anger back then, for Jiang Wanyin's trampled heart.

Wei Wuxian dared to feel angry at the fact Jiang Wanyin had moved on?

He'd meant to simply keep Wei Wuxian away from them. But one day, he stepped down at Lotus Pier and saw Wei Wuxian was talking to Jiang Wanyin in one of the secluded gazebos. It didn't look friendly.

"What do you mean, Wei Wuxian? Us, trying again? Have you lost your mind?!"

"So, it's true, then?! You already someone in your life?"

"You have Hanguang-Jun already. For years! Why are you doing this?"

"A-Cheng..." Wei Wuxian reached out to grab Jiang Wanyin's hand and fire burned up within Lan Xichen. "Don't you remember us? When we were young?"

Jiang Wanyin was silent.

"Remember those days we harvest lotus seeds? How we played in the water and how you allowed me to embrace you? Do you remember the paper flowers that I left in your room and how you made them into soundless chimes that you hang in your room?"

"How about those nights we sneaked out of Lotus Pier just to wander into night markets during festivals. You bought me a carved dizi from the money you saved from your allowances. And I played it for you all the way home."

"I remember..." Jiang Wanyin whispered hoarsely.

Wei Wuxian felt a spark of hope in his heart and he pushed through. He took a few steps closer and he took both of Jiang Wanyin's hands. From afar, unnoticed by both of them, Lan Xichen stood frozen in fear.

The shorter man said intimately. "Remember that spring afternoon? Under

the cherry blossom tree? I pressed you to the tree and you lifted your face to meet me - to meet my lips? Do you recall the way my lips feel against yours? A-Cheng... you tasted so good back then. And I know you felt the same way."

Jiang Wanyin's eyes cast sideway.

"You've given me your first kiss. And I am your first love. Doesn't any of that mean anything to you?" Wei Wuxian pleaded. "Won't you give us a chance?"

For one long moment, Jiang Wanyin remained quiet and motionless. Wei Wuxian waited in hope. Lan Xichen waited in trepidation.

Jiang Wanyin sighed as he gently twisted his hands away from Wei Wuxian. His eyes were regretful. "You meant everything to me, Wei Wuxian. You know I would give up my life for you in a heartbeat." He did, and that was the secret he would take to his grave.

"But you didn't only break my heart; you destroyed it. You've proven to me that all along I was begging for scraps of your love. I am not worth your sense of righteous; that was why you chose the Wens. I am also not worth of your need to pay the debts for my parent. You'd rather-

lied to me about the core, thinking it'd pay everything the Jiangs had given you, and not caring if if it'd hurt me to be lied for almost twenty years. And when you came back to life, after knowing how I clung to you all those years you were gone, you didn't even come to me."

"The revelation of the core that night destroyed me, Wei Wuxian, and all you asked of me was to leave everything in the past. You didn't give a reason, an explanation or even a simple word of acknowledgment of the pain I went through. And then, you simply left with Hanguang-Jun."

"You just left as if the so-called love that you had for me was so insignificant you could just throw away." Delicate tears slipped down Jiang Wanyin's cheeks as he took another step away. "Before us being in love, you were foremost my shixiong. And you couldn't even be that."

"And that revelation was what killed my love for you. I was done, Wei Wuxian, chasing after your ghost, the remnant of fleeting love and all the fragments of our memories together that you'd likely forgotten anyway."

He raised hands to wipe his cheeks. "Go home to Hanguang-Jun."

"Whatever it is that you're looking for is no longer here. I've moved on."

Wei Wuxian's eyes were red and his face was pale. "How can I, Jiang Cheng?!" He cried. "I might be an idiot before but I am here now. I miss you."

Jiang Wanyin shook his head.

"I was your first kiss!"

Lan Xichen stepped instantly beside Jiang Wanyin, startling him, with his eyes dark and his face fierce. He drew to his highest height and to his broadest width as he loomed threateningly over Wei Wuxian.

"And I-" he growled so deeply. "I am his first and *last* lover."

"Xichen-ge!"

"Zewu-Jun!"

The relief Lan Xichen felt when Jiang Wanyin refused Wei Wuxian was so great that his knees weakened. And then, the fury that came next when Wei Wuxian refused to go away was all-consuming. His feet moved before he could think.

"What would Lan Wangji think if he could see you crawling back to your former shidi? He would be absolutely heartbroken if he ever knew." Lan Xichen raised his eyebrows.

"You-" Wei Wuxian stammered. "You're Jiang Wanyin's lover?"

"It was never a secret," Jiang Wanyin said. He-

stepped closer towards Lan Xichen, subconsciously searching for the warmth and safety his lover always gave him. "Why are you surprise? Of all the nighthunts you had Jin Ling, he'd never told you?"

Wei Wuxian didn't even think of asking. And Lan Xichen being Jiang Cheng's-

choice was the furthest from his expectation! His heart ached and bled because how could he even compete with the esteemed Zewu-Jun? "Since when?!" He demanded.

"How are you this shameless, Wei Wuxian?!" Jiang Wanyin demanded, cheeks flushed.

Lan Xichen pulled Jiang Wanyin closer - away from Wei Wuxian. He didn't claw his way out of the depth of misery, crawled over the shattered pieces of his heart, breaking down Jiang Wanyin's barriers (one that Wei Wuxian help erected in the first place) and winning over his heart-

for Wei Wuxian to step in and steal Jiang Wanyin away from him.

Jiang Wanyin was his salvation; his chance of happiness. Lan Xichen went through a year of seclusion to finally understand that he deserved his own happy ending. And that was Jiang Wanyin.

"If you go away now, I'll keep this from Wangji." Lan Xichen said calmly."Just as I deserve second chance, you did too."

Wei Wuxian staggered a step back. The warning was clear. Zewu-Jun post-betrayal was fiercely possessive and protective.

He didn't stand a chance against him.