Tweet

T. R. Okuna

25 Jan, 9 tweets, 2 min read

Marie reached out to me today after 2 years, to give me the closure I never got. We talked for a while about our lost baby - lost love. There comes a time in a man's life when you have to look at yourself in the mirror & say, "I need help". I'll get help. I will be a better man.

This is no way for a man to live. You don't go wrecking people who care for you. She was a good woman, who tried her best to help me. I told her I never want her to feel like she was inadequate. I was the problem - still are. I will correct that. I will get help.

As for our little cozy love, I have not known better, and doubt I will. If soulmates ever lived, Marie & I were at the appex. I enjoyed the experience. I never had to work hard at the connection. Should I die today, I am honestly glad I have known a woman's love so soft.

You don't get over it. I have since stopped trying. You learn to live with it, as one of those little secrets that make you smile when life has you by the chokehold: The little pocket in your memory that'll never soil - enduring through seasons. I'll cherish those little moments.

Many lovers will come. Some better than Marie. I have no doubt. They'll be just as genial; possibly, more loving. And I will love them. I will give them my best, and a warm home for our children. But Marie I will never exorcise. She is the abiding truth in my life.

Very few men can claim to have been loved for who they are. Here, I stand counted. I was loved in famine and in harvest; in the storms & quicksands. To be naked, with not a fabric on you, & be wrapped in the warmth of a woman's passion is every man's silent prayer. I am lucky.

So today, I finally let this woman of my bosom go. I shall look not back in regret, but appreciation. For the little whispers by the railway station. And the soft rhythm of our breaths in each other's arms - so effortless. It was a beautiful journey: a journey I wish on every man

I will find help. I admit I have inadequacies. I admit that I close too tight. I admit that I am afraid. I admit that it comes from a place of selfishness - & emptiness. I admit I could do better. I admit it all: I will get help. I will be a better man. This cycle ends with me.

Maybe, someday I'll write the world this rare love story we stumbled upon on a dusty village road: When I have healed, & my heart isn't as heavy. Maybe, it'll bring joy to a few forlorn, & the cynical be tempted into belief. It was beautiful.

For Marie, a thousand times over.

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More from @XivTroy

T. R. Okuna

@XivTroy

22 Jan

Loss comes in many shapes. It could be the old lady mourning the loss of her only son. This loss is loud. She convulses all the way to sleep. Such loss cannot be exorcised. Food will never taste the same, and her nightmares only multiply. She carries this loss to the grave.

Sometimes loss is a whisper. You will find it in Mrs. Atuma's mouth on Sunday. She mumbles a prayer for her husband who is under the spell of the bottle. And he beats her....oh! he beats her. This is a prayer for lost peace: "save me, Lord.. Show him the light.".

Loss walks in the streets. Where men hide in the day, away from their families - lest they reveal their joblessness & alarm their progeny. They mourn the loss of dignity in the eyes of fellow men. They mourn the loss of amenities. Loss has them up all night...and day!

Read 7 tweets

T. R. Okuna

@XivTroy

20 Jan

Ask the average man about the best woman he ever had & he'll simply say: "She used to pay for some of the dates/she used to help with the bills". That's how low the threshold is.

2 lessons:

(1) Majority women are takers;

(2) Men don't say it, but they need a helper;

The average man has never received anything from a woman beyond her body. That is why your sons confuse charity from women for love: "She bought me a plate of ugali, she wants me". Next thing you know, the man is blowing the benefactor's phone with unsolicited messages/attention

And if an uber driver mistakes perfect civility for an invitation in women, just imagine the suffering he's endured under the average woman. What that means is that the majority women are not civil with men. Men are given so little that they consider humane treatment exceptional.

Read 4 tweets

T. R. Okuna

@XivTroy

18 Jan

I wish more people understood how important communication is. Let me tell you a story:

In 2018, I went on a rather edifying date. She was funny, laughed like a baby, and had the largest, prettiest set of eyes I am yet to see. We'd been talking over the phone for months prior.

I knew at the time, she was dealing with heartbreak. But so was I. We were both rather cautious - justifiably so. At some point, she started talking about her ex & I encouraged it. I didn't give much in return except mumbling, but in my mind, the sirens came on. "Run! Run! Run!".

I felt she was still clinging on to the ex. I thought, "she is so comfortable talking to me about her ex, she must be committing to the friend zone". Personally, I'd never mention my ex on such a date, even though I was still hurting. I was gauging her communication on my metrics

Read 18 tweets

T. R. Okuna

@XivTroy

14 Jan

You have no reason to be living under your father's roof after college. You will be a father & husband one day. Go out there, & learn leadership because responsibility is not genetic. You earn it. Past 25, pack your things & go start living - with friends or by yourself. Grow up!

What if you have no job? Staying with your father won't get you a job. Youu are spending 5K every week anyway on alcohol you don't need, banter that does not grow you, and women who don't challenge you. Go experience privation, learn to budget. Make real connections.

Listen, when you are a man, the world does not care. People like to associate with men that make shit happen. Your fear of discomfort is an impediment to growth. I want to link you to opportunities but you cannot stay out past 11. "Daddy will lock me out" And you are 30!

Read 5 tweets

T. R. Okuna

@XivTroy

7 Jan

You are all as lonely and miserable as bandicoots because you have bought into fear. Women with their bottom bitch theory, men with their alpha theories. Relationships transcend the linearities of the material. You'll never predict the end no matter how many theories you conjure.

"Don't date a poor man, he'll leave you when he is rich": "Don't date a woman poor, she'll leave you for the rich". So much fear, yet your parents found each other in the village with nothing but slippers - somehow built a life together. But you are smarter!

Material is a very small aspect of relationships. Its importance is magnified by your fears. There are emotional, spiritual & mental aspects. The loudest among the fearmongers have never sustained a relationship beyond six months. You think it is a coincidence?

Read 4 tweets

T. R. Okuna

@XivTroy

3 Jan

Early maturity is only good on paper: only poor people suffer more in Africa. Early maturers suffer loneliness, more burdens from their parents, & more stringent standards from their societies. Because for every 1 early maturer, there are 100 Charlies taking their time.

People abuse early maturers. You use them only as vessels, and therapists. Women use them for advice on men; men use them as designated drivers, or simply ATM machines. Early maturers demand so little of society, and instead of being grateful, society gives them even less.

Parents upon discovering early maturity in their kids, saddle them with even more responsibility: responsibility that should be shared across all siblings. They are made into substitute parents. It is no wonder early maturers develop avoidant attachment.

Read 6 tweets

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