Thread by @mynamesnotgordy

What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. Trudeau announces mandatory testing for all arrivals at Canadian airports. An hour later Doug Ford announces mandatory testing at Pearson. Ford says Trudeau's tests will detect Covid - but not the dangerous Ontario strain, Coe-VEDD.

2. Kenney says Alberta is "under attack" by the US. Also reports Alberta targeted by Liberal space lasers for years.
3. Kenney declares Alberta coal to be fully organic, gluten and peanut-free.
4. CPC MPs wear I ♥️ O&G masks in HoC. Say coal-based filters work *cough* great.

5. Shandro argues UCP cabinet must meet in person instead of virtually because not all UCP MLAs know how to make their own lunch.
6. Ford says Ontario's chief doctor has to balance health, the economy, and fear of ying-yang firecrackers when making any pandemic-related decisions.

7. Kenney says AB to start manufacturing its own vaccine. Says Keystone pipeline to be used to ship vaccine to pharmacies.
8. UCP MLA says no one should be concerned about coal mining in the Rockies because lots of rocks will be left afterward. That's it. That's the funny part.

9. Ford tweets video of him saying "stay home" in 12 different languages. Multilingual Ontarians confused by Premier's directive to "Eat hair on the tree."
10. Ontario reports completed vaccinations 100% incorrectly. Ford responds, saying Pfizer instructions in really tiny font.

11. Feds says delay in decision to impose mandatory quarantining for travelers due to Kenney's request to hold off until he counted all his MLAs at the next UCP lunch meeting at (finger quotes) closed resto.
12. In memory of the Holocaust Jason Kenney holds up piece of paper.

13. Reports say Ford sitting on $6.4B of Fed relief funds. Ford announces $6B Greenbelt paving project, saying new highway will allow ambulances to reach LTCs faster.
14. John Tory says it's time to start thinking about reopening Toronto because that worked so well the last time.

15. UCP's Allan Report to go late again. Consultants commissioned by Kenney say eighth delay caused by wind turbines, electric cars and solar-powered anti-Albertan space lasers.
16. Kenney says unoccupied hospital beds is inefficient so it's time to get them filled up again.

17. Toronto Sun says column targeting Ontario doctor not connected in any way to the Ford government and just because Ford's former Comms Lead tweeted the article before it was published is simply a ... Oh, look everyone - Doug's out at the airport today being decisive and stuff!

18. Ford says "Now is the time to be decisive!" Then asks Trudeau what Ontario should do next.
19. Lecce announces schools to reopen next week with "enhanced layers of protection." Next day MoE orders 12 extra boxes of Kleenex.
20. Lecce sets world record for layering nothing.

21. Fullerton surrounds LTCs with iron ring of Zoom meetings.
22. Ontario judge halts demolition of Toronto heritage site, stating rushed demo suspicious, after Doug Ford seen slamming his SUV repeatedly into Foundry's exterior wall while shouting, "Look! See! It's in disrepair!"

23. Pierre Poilievre tweets 9-minute video of Poilievre talking. Even ardent Poilievre supporters skip viewing video and instead Google "space lasers used against Alberta."
24. Polls indicate Erin O'Toole now even less popular than Scheer was. O'Toole blames China and Pfizer.

25. Wealthy people demand to speak to the manager of stock markets.
26. On a personal note. Seems the neighbours are starting to warm up to me. This week they stopped throwing snowballs at me and yelling "Go back to Toronto, Harry Rosen!" as I drove by.