It's Saturday night in lockdown and I'm on my 2nd glass of wine. So, going to do something I've not done in many years
1 like = 1 #ff entirely-fabricated ridiculous recommendation
Basically, I make up a ridiculous claim about you. For no reason, beyond my own amusement
1 like = 1 #ff entirely-fabricated ridiculous recommendation
Basically, I make up a ridiculous claim about you. For no reason, beyond my own amusement
#ff @fergup
He made a sex tape and accidentally leaked it online in the late 2000s. Despite not getting much attention in the mainstream, for various convoluted reasons, it ended up being the inspiration for Gangnam Style.
He made a sex tape and accidentally leaked it online in the late 2000s. Despite not getting much attention in the mainstream, for various convoluted reasons, it ended up being the inspiration for Gangnam Style.
#ff @thebrainofchris
Has been banned for life from Graceland after kicking in every bathroom door and yelling "Is this the one he died in? That's how I want to go!", which violated the T&Cs of the official guided tours.
Has been banned for life from Graceland after kicking in every bathroom door and yelling "Is this the one he died in? That's how I want to go!", which violated the T&Cs of the official guided tours.
#ff @veebeevet
Claims to be the proud owner of the genuine Shroud of Turin*, and will tell anyone who'll listen.
* = It is in fact a potato print picture of Russell Brand on a used tea-towel, but honestly, what harm is she doing?
Claims to be the proud owner of the genuine Shroud of Turin*, and will tell anyone who'll listen.
* = It is in fact a potato print picture of Russell Brand on a used tea-towel, but honestly, what harm is she doing?
#ff @ir_emery
The current owner and manager of MySpace
He didn't pay for it or even want it, it's just his turn. It's like jury service these days. Next week he's scheduled to join the Sugababes.
The current owner and manager of MySpace
He didn't pay for it or even want it, it's just his turn. It's like jury service these days. Next week he's scheduled to join the Sugababes.
#ff @rich_allport
Was once mildly jabbed by a radioactive cactus, and now has some of the powers of a cactus
It was only a mildly radioactive cactus and it was only a small jab, so it's not that impressive. Mostly means he gets thirsty 13% slower than typical humans.
Was once mildly jabbed by a radioactive cactus, and now has some of the powers of a cactus
It was only a mildly radioactive cactus and it was only a small jab, so it's not that impressive. Mostly means he gets thirsty 13% slower than typical humans.
#ff @GarethEdwards77
Night watchman at a shoelace museum. Tends to livestream his 2am patrols. Has accumulated over 3m YouTube followers and is in talks for a movie deal, because people are weird.
Night watchman at a shoelace museum. Tends to livestream his 2am patrols. Has accumulated over 3m YouTube followers and is in talks for a movie deal, because people are weird.
#ff @HanSoliton
Holds the world record for drop kicking the most Christmas puddings over a portable toilet in under an hour. It's a hotly contested title, leading to him experiencing 6 confirmed assassination attempts (thus far).
Holds the world record for drop kicking the most Christmas puddings over a portable toilet in under an hour. It's a hotly contested title, leading to him experiencing 6 confirmed assassination attempts (thus far).
#ff @jonmsutton
Has a very big brain.
He keeps it in a jar in his shed. Tourists can see it for the reasonable sum of £3. If they want a photo, it's £5, or £3 and a Curly-Wurly (other nostalgic confection considered upon request)
Has a very big brain.
He keeps it in a jar in his shed. Tourists can see it for the reasonable sum of £3. If they want a photo, it's £5, or £3 and a Curly-Wurly (other nostalgic confection considered upon request)
#ff @emmahoneybone
Has a chronic habit of ordering random stuff from eBay when drunk. Most intriguing purchase thus far is the rare Lego set of Up the Elephant and Round the Castle, complete with spare Jim Davidson figure for when you inevitably set fire to the first one
Has a chronic habit of ordering random stuff from eBay when drunk. Most intriguing purchase thus far is the rare Lego set of Up the Elephant and Round the Castle, complete with spare Jim Davidson figure for when you inevitably set fire to the first one
#ff @wisdomstatement
Producer of some of the finest organic wines in Europe.
Owns no agricultural land and employs no staff. Actually lives alone in a high-rise flat. No idea how any of that works, but seriously, it's *very* nice wine.
Producer of some of the finest organic wines in Europe.
Owns no agricultural land and employs no staff. Actually lives alone in a high-rise flat. No idea how any of that works, but seriously, it's *very* nice wine.
#ff @RobJFH
Due to a very convoluted and frankly ridiculous chain of events, his left shin is officially a sovereign nation. His trousers are technically a tax haven. Apple are currently in negotiations to set up their HQ in his sock.
Due to a very convoluted and frankly ridiculous chain of events, his left shin is officially a sovereign nation. His trousers are technically a tax haven. Apple are currently in negotiations to set up their HQ in his sock.
#ff @Boonhawk
Inventor of the ball pit. Was going for something else entirely, but there was a miscommunication at the patent office and it ended up becoming something waaaaaaay more child friendly.
Inventor of the ball pit. Was going for something else entirely, but there was a miscommunication at the patent office and it ended up becoming something waaaaaaay more child friendly.
#ff @armchairescape
A genuine real-world superhero. You've not head of him before, because vigilantism is illegal and he understands that but wants to keep doing what he's doing.
Shouldn't have tweeted this, to be honest.
A genuine real-world superhero. You've not head of him before, because vigilantism is illegal and he understands that but wants to keep doing what he's doing.
Shouldn't have tweeted this, to be honest.
#ff @moiness
Member of the Illuminati. Mid-level member, though. Deputy HR manager, that sort of thing. Can't tell you anything about the shadowy plans for world domination, but will occasionally slip and reveal who's going to win Great British Bake Off ahead of time.
Member of the Illuminati. Mid-level member, though. Deputy HR manager, that sort of thing. Can't tell you anything about the shadowy plans for world domination, but will occasionally slip and reveal who's going to win Great British Bake Off ahead of time.
#ff @notenoughcrows
Serial liar. Despite her Twitter handle, she has, if anything, an abundance of crows at any given time. Can't bloody move for crows!
Lying on Twitter for no reason. Who could do such a thing?
Serial liar. Despite her Twitter handle, she has, if anything, an abundance of crows at any given time. Can't bloody move for crows!
Lying on Twitter for no reason. Who could do such a thing?
#ff @howlieT
Extreme-knitter. Does very interesting but hard-to-replicate instructional videos on Tik-Tok. Not sure if anyone actively wants to know how to knock up a decent scarf in 15 minutes while suspended over a chasm with only a rabid sheep for company, but if you do...
Extreme-knitter. Does very interesting but hard-to-replicate instructional videos on Tik-Tok. Not sure if anyone actively wants to know how to knock up a decent scarf in 15 minutes while suspended over a chasm with only a rabid sheep for company, but if you do...
#ff @IamKaleid
Owner of a string of award winning seafood restaurants.
Deathly allergic to shellfish, and hates being near water.
It's a very very very very very very very long story.
Owner of a string of award winning seafood restaurants.
Deathly allergic to shellfish, and hates being near water.
It's a very very very very very very very long story.
#ff @popsramsey
You know when you see the face of Jesus in burnt toast/spills/tortillas etc? 35% of the time, it's not Jesus. It's @popsramsey. Some sort of legal settlement that got wildly out of hand, apparently.
You know when you see the face of Jesus in burnt toast/spills/tortillas etc? 35% of the time, it's not Jesus. It's @popsramsey. Some sort of legal settlement that got wildly out of hand, apparently.
#ff @ian_wac
Inventor of approximately 98 different flavours of crisps
None of the 'famous' ones, admittedly. It's only a matter of time, though. There's a lot of underground buzz about 'Hazelnut and marmite-coated pinecones' at the moment.
Inventor of approximately 98 different flavours of crisps
None of the 'famous' ones, admittedly. It's only a matter of time, though. There's a lot of underground buzz about 'Hazelnut and marmite-coated pinecones' at the moment.
#ff @eljayjay74
Food blogger, specialises in recipes involving the skins of poison arrow frogs. It's actually a very long winded assassination plan, but honestly, 'Toxic beans on toast' is a game changer.
Food blogger, specialises in recipes involving the skins of poison arrow frogs. It's actually a very long winded assassination plan, but honestly, 'Toxic beans on toast' is a game changer.
#ff @LeonieHilliard
Abstract artist. Her current project is a long-term installation where she does no abstract art and denies all knowledge of being an artist if and when people asked, even getting quite angry about it
"Breathtakingly audacious" - Damien Hirst
Abstract artist. Her current project is a long-term installation where she does no abstract art and denies all knowledge of being an artist if and when people asked, even getting quite angry about it
"Breathtakingly audacious" - Damien Hirst
#ff @GrahamDallas1
74th in line to the throne of Ireland. The fact that Ireland hasn't had a hereditary monarch for centuries has not at any point stopped him ordering dedicated business cards
74th in line to the throne of Ireland. The fact that Ireland hasn't had a hereditary monarch for centuries has not at any point stopped him ordering dedicated business cards
#ff @marcus_ness
Expert mathematician, responsible for the equation that works out the exact movement of plastic bags caught in a breeze
Was regarded as the person most responsible for ruining the experience of watching 'American Beauty', until a few years ago.
Expert mathematician, responsible for the equation that works out the exact movement of plastic bags caught in a breeze
Was regarded as the person most responsible for ruining the experience of watching 'American Beauty', until a few years ago.
#ff @h2osarah
One of those Canadians. Coincidentally, has 1000 times the strength of a normal human. Can crush the average skull with one hand. But doesn't, because of Canadian politeness.
Stereotypes can sometimes be helpful, it turns out.
One of those Canadians. Coincidentally, has 1000 times the strength of a normal human. Can crush the average skull with one hand. But doesn't, because of Canadian politeness.
Stereotypes can sometimes be helpful, it turns out.
#ff @jon_blaine
Twitter feed dedicated to him being owner of the world's first 'Urban Circus'
At first glance, it seems to be just him pointing at pigeons. And it may actually be just that. But it's lockdown, so it's genuinely entertaining.
Twitter feed dedicated to him being owner of the world's first 'Urban Circus'
At first glance, it seems to be just him pointing at pigeons. And it may actually be just that. But it's lockdown, so it's genuinely entertaining.
#ff @WonkyBearhead
Flower arranger. She specialises in arranging dead or mouldy flowers into insulting forms and phrases, for making unpleasant ex partners feel bad. Would normally do Valentine's day specials, but she's booked solid for those for the next 11 years
Flower arranger. She specialises in arranging dead or mouldy flowers into insulting forms and phrases, for making unpleasant ex partners feel bad. Would normally do Valentine's day specials, but she's booked solid for those for the next 11 years
#ff @markdavid
Estranged brother of Craig David. Not as charismatic as his younger sibling, but will stick with you for longer than 7 days. 'Chilling' is not rigidly scheduled.
Estranged brother of Craig David. Not as charismatic as his younger sibling, but will stick with you for longer than 7 days. 'Chilling' is not rigidly scheduled.
#ff @CrayonMoney
Currently live-tweeting his attempts to count every grain of sand on Brighton beach. Usually manages to get up to the high 10 thousands before falling asleep and having to start over again. Surprisingly soothing to follow in realtime.
Currently live-tweeting his attempts to count every grain of sand on Brighton beach. Usually manages to get up to the high 10 thousands before falling asleep and having to start over again. Surprisingly soothing to follow in realtime.
#ff @jedlangdon
Professional perfumer, is regularly tweeting his latest scents and asking for feedback.
Please don't tell him the technology to do this hasn't even been invented yet. It would break his heart.
Professional perfumer, is regularly tweeting his latest scents and asking for feedback.
Please don't tell him the technology to do this hasn't even been invented yet. It would break his heart.
#ff @itskatywithay
Philosophical heavyweight, regularly tweets about how to use Uchlides's concepts of personal ambiguity to decipher modern day ideology through a socio-zeitgest lens.
Or it may be stuff about dogs. I'm not sure. I was never good at philosophy.
Philosophical heavyweight, regularly tweets about how to use Uchlides's concepts of personal ambiguity to decipher modern day ideology through a socio-zeitgest lens.
Or it may be stuff about dogs. I'm not sure. I was never good at philosophy.
#ff @IoanGwyn
Professional procrastinator. Hasn't even tweeted yet. But it's a *deliberate* absence of content, and that makes all the difference. It's bespoke silence, you know?
Professional procrastinator. Hasn't even tweeted yet. But it's a *deliberate* absence of content, and that makes all the difference. It's bespoke silence, you know?
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