All right, fuck it.

Hey @amazon: While you're spewing Leadership Principles at public school students, see if you can spot which word in "HIRE and Develop the Best" that you forgot.
The LPs have merit, are often misunderstood for long periods of time, and are very much how Amazon runs their business--but they're not universal truths, and they're not the sort of thing you slap on a wall without significant context.
Hiring is hard, filling the pipeline is a process, but if you can't find ways to solve for those problems without what amounts to indoctrinating schoolkids who don't get to meaningfully opt out, then you've become something I can't understand.
I want to be clear here that I enjoy a tremendous privilege: I work for a small company. My heart really does go out to my Amazon-employed friends who get called out on shit like this with a "justify what your company does." Over a million people work there. It's unfair.
Meanwhile the facing wall says things like "Opinions my own," "No comment," and "That's not funny." Image

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More from @QuinnyPig

18 Feb
Ooh, that @awscloud account I spun up in a livetweet thread () sent me an email trying to swindle me with the free tier--but it has something new!

"Complete your profile" at the top. Okay!
Wait, what? @awscloud, you asked me all of these things when I created the account. And I answered them.

And you've apparently forgotten my email since then.

Suddenly my "I run AWS Marketing" gag sounds a lot more like I'm admitting something.
Man I hate these questions. I'm kinda "most of them" in one way or another.
Read 8 tweets
18 Feb
Welcome new friends! I do threads like this sometimes, so you might want to mute the thread:

Ask me anything about today's "Shitposter in Profile" issue of the NYT and I will answer in this thread.

nytimes.com/2021/02/17/tec…
Understanding who you're talking to is important. Actual journalists like @daiwaka don't just print any random crap you tell them. This isn't a gossip rag. If I say "Larry Ellison has no friends" they've gotta fact check that if they want to run it.

Yes. I swapped this out for "getting the obituary in @TheEconomist" on my bucket list. The next item is "my own @netflix special."

Read 22 tweets
16 Feb
Me: "I run @awscloud marketing. Sign this invoice."
AWS: "Wait what--"
Me: "'Disagree and Commit' on your own time. Sign here. Let's see... what's an AWS differentiator that most people miss? Global infrastructure; it's amazing. BILLIE! HIT IT!"

Thanks to the folks who made this possible.
First, thanks for budget and blocking AWS Legal go to to me, the head of @awscloud marketing. Image
Read 12 tweets
12 Feb
I believe I owe the Twitter a thread on my "Rules of Shitposting." This is that thread.
It's in our Corporate Docs at the Duckbill Group under the more prosaic headline "Our Marketing Beliefs & Rules."

There are seven of them, and were collected by @mike_julian based upon the things I've said and we've ruminated upon.
Rule 1: Consent is required.

"The world is full of marketers and advertisers foisting things upon people without their consent. We don’t want to do that. Our marketing should always require consent."

I can't stress how important this is. The newsletter is confirmed opt-in.
Read 32 tweets
11 Feb
Oh my god.

@azure had a GOLDEN opportunity to pull a "we don't mine your data, we don't compete with you, WHO KNOWS what @GCPcloud and @awscloud do with your confidential cloud info!"

Instead they legit did exactly what their competitors don't, but we worry about.
An awful lot of people blaming @ubuntu here, but if AWS were willing to sell me a list of people who just had massive bill spikes? Sure I'd buy it!

If AWS would sell me information like that you would be best served by evacuating their cloud immediately.
Some speculation that the user spun up a @ubuntu image from a marketplace equivalent.

If you spun up my CoreyOS marketplace image and I did outreach like that, @awscloud would give me the choice of never saying that again, or being booted off of the marketplace. Trust matters.
Read 4 tweets
11 Feb
Thanks for coming to work with us here at Trashfire Inc. Let me show you around the exciting aspects of our corporate culture!
Okay, you have your badge? You sure you got your ID back from the reception desk? ...sorry, the badge reader is on the fritz again. Try scanning it a few dozen more times. You've almost got it. There you go.
Sorry more folks aren't here to welcome you. This quarter everyone's heads-down on an all-company initiative: writing our performance reviews so we can all fight for the coveted 3% raises that top performers get. We do this every year.
Read 24 tweets

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