Tweet

Dr. Jessica Taylor

6 Mar, 11 tweets, 2 min read

A thread on consenting to sex & what we mean by enthusiastic consent.

Consenting to sex is a very personal choice every time.

Consent does not extend past the one act you agreed to, which means someone cannot assume that because you said to this, you also mean yes to that.

Consent is actually based on three concepts:

You are informed of what it is you are consenting to
You are free to make that choice to consent
You are willing to make that choice to consent

So if you are being emotionally coerced or expected or feel obliged, it’s not free

For example, if you think ‘I don’t wanna do this but feel like I should’ then that’s not consent - and certainly not enthusiastic consent. You should really want to do it, and really want to engage. Your partner shouldn’t want sex with you if you don’t really want to

Lots of women are in relationships where they feel they ‘must’ have sex or ‘should’ have sex - this isn’t freely given consent, there is a power dynamic there

Who would want sex with someone who is thinking ‘ugh, I don’t fancy it but I guess I should’?

Rapists. Abusers.

If your partner knows that you don’t really want it but you feel obliged, you have to ask why they even want sex with you when you are not being enthusiastic.

If you think your partner doesn’t know, maybe you should consider if they are really that blind to your body language

Cos I dunno about you, but I can tell when someone wants sex and when someone doesn’t want sex. It’s pretty obvious.

If you’re not sure, ask.

If you still aren’t sure because they don’t seem enthusiastic... don’t fucking do it

Enthusiastic consent is therefore a concept we teach as much as we can in schools and colleges and universities - to ensure that absolutely no one has sex with anyone unless they are 100% certain they are happy, excited and clearly want to engage

I dunno what I just witnessed on Jaimi’s Twitter but there are a lot of people responding to her like she’s thick because she tweeted that you need enthusiastic consent every time you have sex.

This isn’t some fluffy hippy ideal - this is what should happen every time

If you’re having sex with your partner and they are not interested, or seem bored, distracted, upset, stressed or not enjoying it

STOP whatever it is you are doing and ask them if they are okay and do not do anything else at all.

Dunno why this even needs saying

This is basic respect.

Not only that, but why on earth would you keep having sex or performing a sex act on someone who doesn’t seem enthusiastic and turned on?

I just cannot imagine wanting to do anything to my partner if they didn’t seem into it.

If you do this to your partner, seek help. And don’t ever do it to them again.

If your partner does this to you, they don’t respect you. Please seek help and talk to someone xxx

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More from @DrJessTaylor

Dr. Jessica Taylor

@DrJessTaylor

6 Mar

Spent nearly an hour being interviewed about why radfems never supported the term ‘womxn’ in the first place, and how blatantly sexist and racist it was, and then it got pulled completely lmfao

Anything to pin it on the bad feminists lol

Both me and Jaimi were invited to projects and organisations who used the term ‘womxn’ and when we asked what it meant, we were both told last year that it’s ‘to include transwomen and Black women’

Ya what?

Black women? Didn’t they just come under ‘woman’ in the first place?

I rejected every single piece of work that referred to ‘womxn’ last year for this reason.

Amazing how this is now being pinned on women like me who challenged it from day 1.

Read 6 tweets

Dr. Jessica Taylor

@DrJessTaylor

10 Feb

Single sex spaces are essential to trauma informed approaches and services - this isn’t through hatred, bigotry or exclusion. We have to retain the right to support safe spaces when oppressed and abused groups need them, without others arguing that they are offensive or harmful.

The demonisation of sexual and domestic violence services as groups of hate filled women is terrifying. There would be no rape centres or DV services without women who tirelessly built these safe spaces for women and girls subjected to male violence.

Women and girls have needed safe spaces away from male violence for centuries. We achieved that of our own accord in the 60s thanks to feminists before us. They weren’t developed out of hatred for others, but out of need to protect and give them single sex spaces.

Read 14 tweets

Dr. Jessica Taylor

@DrJessTaylor

9 Feb

It’s frightening slash amazing to watch what topics men can write and speak on, whilst people defend their right to free speech versus which topics women can’t write and speak on whilst people call for them to be killed, sacked, silenced and abused.

Misogyny is alive and well.

Male academics and theorists: Black people have smaller brains. Women need their wombs ripping out. People with disabilities should be locked up. Kill female foetuses. Women bring rape on themselves

World: wow that’s so insightful and thought provoking, we should totally listen

Female academics and theorists: we need to have clear discussions about topics which are controversial, and women need to be able to talk freely and openly about theories and policies without fear of violence or death

World: shut the fuck up you ugly stupid c*nt k1ll yourself

Read 13 tweets

Dr. Jessica Taylor

@DrJessTaylor

7 Feb

This is a reminder to all the women who told their families that they were raped or abused but they didn’t believe you:

Their disbelief is an issue which sits within them, not you. Their refusal to believe you isn’t about your own credibility or reality. It’s their denial.

You don’t have to carry their denial. You don’t have to prove to them that you’re telling the truth.

Their denial says more about them, than you.

They are protecting themselves instead of protecting you. They would rather frame you as lying than acknowledge your truth.

These are not your errors, faults or values.

It’s normal to feel completely betrayed by them. Often, we think our families and parents will be the ones to believe us and be there - and it hurts even more when they are the ones who blame or deny it ever happened.

Read 4 tweets

Dr. Jessica Taylor

@DrJessTaylor

4 Feb

White politicians referring to white CSE victims as ‘our girls’ is a whole heap of racism, misogyny and sexualisation of girls which implies that only white men can rape and abuse them, and that they don’t care about the rape and abuse of Black and minority ethnic girls at all.

The systemic racism in CSE continues, as it always has done. Lots of people are invested in pretending that the majority of perps are South Asian, despite the majority of perps (87%) being White British.

But this rhetoric about owning the girls.... ‘they raped ‘our girls’ is 🤢

It’s literally the exact same mantra and slogan as EDL. All of their banners and arguments were ‘Muslims are raping our white girls’

What?

Since when did those pricks care about child abuse at all?

Well, they didn’t, until they decided they owned all white girls.

Read 14 tweets

Dr. Jessica Taylor

@DrJessTaylor

31 Jan

Men don’t rape or abuse women because they need more education, counselling or advice.

They do it because they want to, because they can, because they know that society doesn’t believe women & because the chances of prosecution are less than 1%

No sex offender turns around after 6 sessions or an educational video and says, ‘oh my god, you’re right, I’m an abusive, violent rapist and need to change my own behaviour, and stop targeting women and girls and then blaming it on them.’

It’s time to stop saying things like:

‘If they just knew more about consent/healthy relationships/abuse/misogyny - then they wouldn’t behave like this’

What makes you think that they don’t understand consent?

They do, that’s WHY they rape women who don’t want it

Read 4 tweets

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