Thread by @hope411adcock

#PainSpeaking Thread -Suicidal Pain

Living with #CRPS isn't easy. We all need to have a good support system to survive this wicked beast. I wrote this several years ago after reading a post on Facebook about Suicidal Pain.

I am normally a very private person. And, if anyone

2) had told me that I would have shared this narrative with anyone. Much less that I would have posted it on a public forum like Twitter before I wrote it, I would have told them they were Nuckin' Futz.

But, CRPS/RSD changes us all. And, when I read the post on Suicidal Pain.

3) I felt compelled to share this narrative.

We live with the "Suicide Disease" every day and the only way to survive it is to support one another & help each other keep it together & not slip off the slippery slope that CRPS/RSD, untreated & undertreated pain seems to like to

4)keep us on.

Since developing CRPS, I've been seen Pain Psychologists... and they invariably ask if I've thought of Suicide or have considered Suicide.

They always appear somewhat stunned by my answer.

I tell them that anyone who lives with a chronic pain condition that

5)says that they have never had the thought of suicide slip though their mind, is a liar.

But, just because the thought of suicide may have flitted though a person's mind when they were lying on the floor curled in fetal position... believing that the only way they would ever be

6) free of the pain is when they die... doesn't mean that it is something that the person would ever consider doing.

It doesn't mean the person is suicidal... it simply means that they consider it to be an option... even if it's an option that they themselves would never use.

7)The Government's approach to the #OverdoseCrisis is #SavingUsToDeath.

History has shown that Prohibition doesn't work. It only creates a thriving black market with a potentially deadly tainted supply.

8)Surviving the Pain, Staying Sane Living With CRPS

I'm in the process of fighting off a hostile take-over that RSD/CRPS has launched against me. It's rapidly expanding its territory... so now, I'm beginning to wonder if it will decide to stop before it consumes me completely.

9) It started with my dominant hand... and it's been teasing and taunting my left for the last several months. A bit of burning here, a flash of ice there... not taking up residence, just intermittently visiting. Just enough to add some chaos into the mix.

10)Each visit has lasted a just a bit longer, the intensity deeper... until it just didn't fade away again. It's laid claimed both hands and feet & is working its way back up.

I was enjoying my stay in the Land of Denial. It really was a nice place to visit. I could tell

11)myself that it the RSD wasn't really spreading. It was just my imagination.. referred pain... anything to avoid accepting that this is likely to be as good as it's ever going to get.

Until yesterday. Yesterday, my VISA for the Land of Denial expired and I got booted out...

12)When I passed by a mirror and caught a glimpse of myself. I froze, surprised that to see a stranger staring back at me. The only hint of my former self remaining was a pair of hazel eyes and a stubborn tilt to my chin.

The hints of pink and red, the slight sheen to my

13)skin could no longer be ignored. The CRPS had slithered it's way up my neck and on the cheeks, chin, eyelids, and the tip of my nose... pausing briefly to bestow a kiss of fire & ice on each as it traced a path across my face.

At the time, I really didn't think anything it

14)throw at me could be much worse. I should have know better than to have tempted Fate so brazenly. She.. with her twisted sense of humor, showed me just how wrong I was.

My PM is so overbooked that I'm only able to get into see him 3 or 4 times a year so between visits I've

15)been taking photographs of gifts bestowed upon me as they arrive. It was tricky feat to manage one handed... but I managed.

I discovered how wrong I was last night. CRPS/RSD decided that the purpose of "Pink Ribbon" month was to indicate which area should be graced with

16) its kiss next. All my PM is going to get about this latest manifestations... is a description. I just couldn't bring myself to take some shots and add them to the collection.

Since I've been booted out of the Land of Denial. I'm going to take an extended vacation in the

17)alternate universe of "Pain Distraction & Sanity Preservation Projects"

I'm pretty good at compartmentalizing.... Ignoring it may not make it go away.... but it will keep me from slipping off the slippery slope between anxiety and depression that CRPS seems determined that

18) I tread. No matter what RSD throws at me, I refuse to allow either hopelessness and despair into my life.

So... I'll keep putting my one-handed-hunt-and-peck keyboarding & point-click-copy-and-paste skills to good use and create more CRPS / RSD Awareness Project World of

19) Fire & Ice Graphics. Folks can use them to make alternate profile pictures, tee-shirt iron-on's or any other non-commercial purpose.

I'll keep researching, writing, spreading awareness, sharing the knowledge I've gained; that...

20)Changing the Name...
Didn't End the Pain....
We're Living in Hope....
Fighting the Flames..