How to break your nose in four easy steps:

1) Purchase a nice folding chaise lounge to sun yourself on.
2) Midway through your lie out, stand up and nudge the chaise toward the head end and unbeknownst to you, break over both fold out legs toward the center of the chaise. Then put both knees on the chaise, head facing forward.
3) Let your weight forcefully collapse the chaise, catapulting the head section upwards. Be sure to leverage the back height adjustment as a convenient fulcrum. Be sure to keep your nose at the right height. Positioning is crucial here. 💥
4) When you stop bleeding, check the angles of the frame, and the levers involved here, and recall: Folding lawn furniture is always out to kill you. Don't get me started on patio umbrellas.
4/4

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More from @mrc314

27 Mar
Matzos Hell

THREAD

For some reason, wife started buying a box of matzos at the grocery. She likes the cracker with the cheese in the mid morning. She's been doing the crackers—albeit a minimal quantity—for about 8 weeks. Instead of climbing the walls over gut permeability
1/
and subclinical non-celiac wheat sensitivity, I've been searching for an alternative. Well, two things happened.

First, recent blood test results show a reversal of her TRIG:HDL ratio. Before the wheat, Trig: 53, HDL 68, Trig:HDL 0.78. Results to (not) die for. Most recent
2/
results, after the introduction of the wheat, Trig: 66, HDL 58, Trig:HDL 1.14. Still not at the "don't buy green bananas" stage, but not as good. Fasting glucose was 110 as well.

Second, amendable to alternatives, I had the idea to make an egg+mozzarella cheese chaffle, smash
3/
Read 5 tweets
15 Mar
What to do about COVID-19 right now …

And for the next COVID, and the next, and the next …

If this sounds like fat shaming to you please note, I cannot help the pertinacious reader.

THREAD
"[I]ncreased bodyweight is the second greatest predictor of hospitalisation and a high risk of death for people suffering from COVID-19. Only old age rates as a higher risk factor.

"The unprecedented economic costs of COVID-19 are largely due to the measures taken to avoid
1/
the excess hospitalisation and need for treatment of the disease. Reducing one major risk factor, overweight, would have resulted in far less stress on health services and reduced the need to protect those services from being overwhelmed.
2/
Read 9 tweets
14 Mar
Ever since listening to @IreneSDavis on the @PeterAttiaMD 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘋𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘦 podcast last September, I've lived in three @XeroShoes models: For every day, a pair of TerraFlex, Xcursion for walking in wet conditions, and Alpine for colder snowy conditions. Added a set
1/
of @Kahtoola ExoSpikes for icy days and I haven't missed a morning walk since!

Recall I'm a "flexible flat foot" lifer who has worn custom orthotics since 1980. I've nursed a gout toe (left great, and orthotic has a "dancer's ring") and Morton's neuroma for years and the zero
2/
drop shoes have improved both conditions. Even when I stub my toe on a root or rock, which used to lay me up for days.

Here's to the bright side of social media and those willing to share their expertise, without which I would have never known about minimalist footwear.
Read 5 tweets
4 Mar
The problem with this Pizza Hut meal is not the meat (I think there's meat in here somewhere).

There is also "pan oil" preserved with TBHQ, and there is that DATEM again. Sugar cane fiber👀 and VITAL wheat gluten. "Vital!" to whom? 🙄
The alphabetical list of ingredients of this ONE MEAL is similar to the others, but with a few twists: TBHQ and "pan oil" come to mind. And get a load of that "chicken fritter" …🥴

ascorbic acid
autolyzed yeast extract
beef
bleached wheat flour
1/
bone-out uncooked chicken breast chunk fritters with rib meat containing up to 20% of a solution
caffeine
caramel color
carbonated water
cheese culture
cheese cultures
chicken broth
chicken fat
citric acid
corn maltodextrin
corn syrup solids
datem
dehydrated onion
dextrose
2/
Read 9 tweets
3 Mar
Fantastic article on how war effort necessity, convenience and marketing ruined cat health.

dvm360.com/view/paleontol…

"[C]ats have been hypercarnivorous, ambush predators for at least 29 million years.

"None of these cats evolved to digest food with more than 10% carbohy-drates,
"[D]uring World War ll when the pet food industry was forced to stop using metal to package pet food in cans

"In 1950, the dry food extrusion process, which required adding starch, increased the efficiency and profitability of putting dry pet food into a bag.
"Dough could be fed into a machine and cooked under pressure before being extruded (pushed out) through small holes to create the kibble"

"Supermarket shelves subsequently were stocked with inexpensive, convenient dry cat food that had a 20% to 30% carbohydrate content.
Read 6 tweets
3 Mar
Fast Food Fun—It's Not The Meat

Which meal has the longest list of ingredients?

THREAD
Read 5 tweets

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