THE EARTHMOVERS
I Know A Guy | Season 6
Episode 1 of 3.
.
A FRIDAY.
Johns, a burly guy with a big tummy, and ideal weight of a heavy person, leaves his home in Njiru as early as usual, a short distance off the main Kangundo Road. It is about 5:25am.
***
Disclaimer: Similarity of names and situation purely coincidental.
***
He drives his beloved Maria, a green tinted Rover HSE, on the lonely path. He can see beams of lights, other cars on the main road.
Just before joining the road, he notices two cars on the side.
Mmh!
One with the trunk popped, the other with the bonnet up, looking like they are needing some helping.
They wait for him. He just waves at them, but he doesn’t slow down or stop.
Strange. He thinks.
Because it is way too early. to breakdow and get help.
Anyway, he drives on.
Some 15 minutes later, at Ruai, he goes off-road for a kilometre or so before coming to a big black gate. He hoots.
An askari peeps out, then hastily opens. He salutes Johns as he turns. A petite woman in a tight dress comes out. She calls him in for breako but he has places to.
‘But you said we will have breakfast today.’ The woman says.
‘Rose, I have a very early morning meeting. But if you are not ready, you can come later.’
He says he doesn’t want to sprint.
Rose sulks, like a pretty woman should. But she knows this man.
He suggests maybe it is time she drives. Besides, he tells her, the brand new Toyota alinunua is just sitting there. With the L sign. Maybe it is time she took this independence on the road as well.
Rose, runs back inside the house and in a few seconds she is out with her bag.
She gives instructions to the askari, for her housie when she comes, and then for the fundis coming to finish the house.
.
Rose is the woman Lucy, Johns’ wife, has fought him over the years about, mpaka now she can’t anymore. She’s resigned to the fact there’s two of them now.
Her only demand she is respected around it.
And that woman, Rose, is not welcome to her house and her children must never go to where she is.
Ata wazazi wa Lucy walishindwa na hii kesi juu Johns is one of those guys.
Lucy also insists that she won’t have sex with Johns.
She does not want those imports of transmitted diseases.
Kangundo Road gets rather busy, slow and bumpy, so they drive out quickly for Nairobi. Like they had done most mornings before.
Just before joining Outering Road, hiyo garage ya Double M, Jones notices a car behind them.
It was one of the cars that was stalled near his house right behind him. Akaambia Rose ni kama they are being followed.
He tells her to pull her chair back down, and not lift her head. She doesn't.
She looks back, and then starts praying. Audibly. Rababosh inapepetwa kupepetwa.
He drives with his eyes fixated on the rear view and sides mirrors. He turns left into Outering Road. The car turns with him.
Shet.
Akachomoa ndeng’a hapo chini ya gari. Sasa ana-drive debe na mkono ya left lakini mkono ya right imeshikilia hiyo samsing very close to the door.
He is breathing heavily and sweating profusely. He is saying things but it is not clear.
Finally words zikakuja.
He says loudly to himself, ‘Oh God. Hawa watu ni kama leo wamenikujia.’
Rose is like, ‘Huh? Watu wagani.’
Johns says again, ‘Aki Lucy, hawa watu leo wamenikujia.’
Rose is confused.
First she doesn’t know who these people are. Two, yeye si Lucy. Thirii, she can’t believe that this man even has a gun.
Aka pulop hiyo halo stage ya Mutindwa side ya Umo, alafu akaita msee wa gazeti. The car slows down a bit behind them, then overtakes.
The car continues towards Doni.
They sit a bit. And then Rose starts with all of the questions.
He tells Rose to give the guy cash for the paper, but all the while trying to figure figure out that car that had broken down and was now trailing him.
Yaani Rose is shaking bwana.
He decides to chill on the side of the road just to be sure. He pretends to be flipping the papers, but his gaze is firmly towards the direction of that specific car.
Akimaliza kuzubaa. He thinks a bit.
Alafu He makes an illegal U turn, heading the complete opposite direction.
He drives past Outer, cutting thru Kiamaiko, Kabangu,up Allsops and into Thika Road.
Rose is asking questions and he is doing his best to find the best lie. She calms down, starts telling him maybe that is a sign from God that they should go for the morning prayer hapo kwa Mum.
She says maybe he is being paranoid.
He tells her, there are some things he needs to tell her. But watabonga home time. Besides, hii weekend, he is staying at her place as agreed.
He relaxes, and then then tells his young light woman that she needs a defensive driving class.
He took one recently, and maybe that is what must have gotten him paranoid.
He also in detail explains, that a man like him, with all the wealth and political connections he has, he can easily be targeted by thugs and hence, the government allows him a firearm.
‘In fact, they even want to give me bodyguards, it is me who doesn’t want them.’
He explains to Rose about cars, and why it is so strange for a car to have broken down at that place at that time. In fact, he wants to call the area security chairman just to alert him.
She is mesmerised. He tells her to learn to memorise number plates and car makes quickly and be fully alert when driving. And never ever drive alone late at night and early in the morning.
‘And that’s why nobody should not know me and you are together as lovers. Just friends.’
.
BOOM.
They drive into CBD at about 6:15am. He drops her at one of those megachurches on near Wakulima for her morning prayer service, and they agree they can have lunch in town, at their usual. 5 minutes later he is at one of those economy breakfast joints.
He accepts paranoia.
He is still shaken a bit, but firm.
He sits with some other men. They talk national politics. And they talk local politics. Too heated, too early. They unanimously agree that politically, uncircumcised men can’t tell them shit. They talk the economy, and how badly it is doing.
At around 7:20 they are joined by another lady. Jane.
Jane is the lady who rans errands in their mall office at plaza for farmers, in tao. She brings him newspapers and some items, and then Jane leaves shortly.
Johns finishes his second cup, and then excuses himself.
He crosses the road and goes up the stairs of those town hotels.
Room 17. He opens it without knocking. Jane is there, is ready. She was born ready. He locks it the door.
When they are done she massages him some more before he throws water carelessly on himself in the shower.
He confidently wears Brut.
At 8:00ish they come down. He gives the hotel receptionist 500 bob, and then walks to his car. He gives the kanjo lady 100 bob.
The car sinks kidogo when he get in. Not so much for Jane. They slips into University Way and then head towards Westlands.
***
Jane says that Johns gave her some cash to run an errand. To drop an envelop for a pastor who lived in Kileleshwa. He said he would drop her, then she can take a matatu or taxi back to the office in town, and do... you know, some office things.
***
As he is turning into Chiromo road, Jane is telling him that she has now confirmed that she is pregnant, and she needs money to go see a doctor.
And she is excited. She hopes it is a boy.
Before he could say anything, a car overtakes them at the turn, and cuts in front of him.
His windows down, he starts cursing the driver when he realizes.
Oh snap.
It’s the car.
That car.
He halts to a stop, and let the car go ahead.
When he looks back at his review mirror, he notices the other car from the junction earlier in the morning holding back traffic.
It is now quite a few meters back.
Mathematics is not mathematicking.
He tells Jane to get out of the car run into the mortuary.
Jane is used to being told, run or hide. Her mantra is when it comes to Johns she's not being caught. Her tiny legs bolt.
The other car slows down.
He stops some meters away from the gate of some High Commission.
The car in front of his, a few meters ahead now, stops completely.
All the back doors opens. Two boys step out.
Boys, not men. They are holding guns. And coming towards him.
He decides to attempt a dash for it.
BANG!
First gun shot.
He kanyagas the mafuta. The boys wait for him. He swerves to left to avoid them, and heads towards the commission gate, seemingly.
His speed sends him kwa wall. He rams with the front but the car turns, lifts on the side and leans one side on the wall.
People scamper for scampering.
BANG!
Second gunshot hits the top right hand corner of the Range.
Another shot shatters the window. The boys, brazen, come for him.
TWO BANGS!
Two new shots.
He opens his door and comes out, holding his gun, but screaming at the same time.
His eyes and one of the gunman’s eyes lock.
‘Bob?’
‘Anko.’
Bob is shook.
‘Hii ni ujinga gani unafanya Bob. Unataka kunia…’
‘Pole Anko… Sikujua!’
BANG. BANG. BANG.
Two shots into Johns chest. One shot into Robert’s head. Close range. Both of them are now on the ground.
Both of the dead.
The car in front turns back towards Waiyaki Way. The second gunman closes one door and jumps in through the other. Followed closely by the front car.
They turn left on the highway, and then they get lost.
One of the car would be found deep inside Korogocho.
.
1:00pm.
Rose waits for Johns at their usual lunch restaurant down the office building. She waits patiently.
Phone rings. Rose picks it up.
‘Rose… Hi… Our husband is dead. You can go see his body in Chiromo.’
Johns wife hangs up.
.
Part 2 of 3, Next week.
. #TheEarthMovers
• • •
Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to
force a refresh
Yaani the lawsuit against Esto has taken a whole turn.
But first, how we got here.
.
Our Esto has 3 full time employment departments.
1, Security & Safety. 2, Engineering & Technical. 3, Grounds and Works. For real, these are actual jobs.
Security and safety is more obvious.
Engineering and technical hao ndio wanakuwanga na kazi mingi na ngumu.
Mara stima.
Mara pipe ime-burst, mara mtu anataka kuoshewa gari. Sijui Kenya Power ama Nairobi Water, sijui Safaricom wanataka kuweka net... All major issues that affect the whole esto, hiyo ni yao.
Grounds do the detail work. And detail mostly ni udaku na umbea with the housies and security peeps.
But for real, their work is to also to make sure the esto is clean always, the garbage guys don’t steal the cats and the playground, live fences don't look bad when guests come.
#IKnowAGuy
Season 5
The Swindlers - Coming Soon.
.
11:30pm.
This girlie opens the door of her apartment and locks it behind her. But there is some uneasiness.
Like someone else is in there. She rushes to her daughter's room, finds her asleep. Just like she left her an hour ago.
Phewx.
But she's still scared. Very scared for someone who has walked from Tamasha to Rose Avenue past 10pm.
She goes into her bedroom, gets under her blanket and whispers a prayer.
Lights off.
Kidogo, she someone breath out sloowly.
She freezes.
Her heart is in her tummy.
Her duvet is lifted slowly. That someone slides into her bed. He smells like half a man. She jumps off on the bed for the lights, but bumps into another man, who grabs her by the neck, lifts her and pins her back into her bed.
An Old Poem.
.
If we must ever have to write each other, it must be poems.
You must write in short sentences, using catchy phrases.
It must be in at most three verses that stand alone, but that find much deeper meaning in each other.
Nothing more than a page. Maybe slightly more.
If you should ever write me a poem, it should take my whole being into it. My mind, my heart, my body and my strength.
It must not have my name, but whoever reads it must know it is me.
It must be short and sweet, it doesn't matter how much rage is there. Sweet rage even.
It must be so discrete, not open to everyone, that someone can steal and send to their loved one. Or the one they hate.
If I should ever receive your poem, it must be about passion. Or hate. Or Anger and pain.
It must be open, straight, upright and full of integrity.