Guys.

The guys at house 147 ordered at about 2pm lunch and a mzinga, but it was delivered to house number 47.

Imagine watu wa 47 wamesema walidhani wametumiwa care package with an 'anonymous' person.

Wamemaliza chakula yiote, na mzinga ishafunguliwa.

Leo ni leo. Kitaeleweka.
The guys at 47 have offered to cook for 147.

147 guys are maaaad. Naskia kuwafungulia paybill gofundme aki.
The guys at 147 are crying because hiyo food walikuwa wamechangisha.

Now they want either their money ama watu wa 47 wazae hiyo delivery pap.

Wanaongea na machungu aki.

😭😭😭
But watu wa 47 hawana tabia, na hawana huruma.

Gosh.

Watu watatu (One boy two girls) wamemaliza chakula ya watu wasita?

What in the gengetone hunger was that?
😭😭😭

Imepatikana Number 47 have not paid service charge for more than one year.

It is on.

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More from @paushinski

20 Nov
An Old Poem.
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If we must ever have to write each other, it must be poems.
You must write in short sentences, using catchy phrases.
It must be in at most three verses that stand alone, but that find much deeper meaning in each other.
Nothing more than a page. Maybe slightly more.
If you should ever write me a poem, it should take my whole being into it. My mind, my heart, my body and my strength.
It must not have my name, but whoever reads it must know it is me.

It must be short and sweet, it doesn't matter how much rage is there. Sweet rage even.
It must be so discrete, not open to everyone, that someone can steal and send to their loved one. Or the one they hate.

If I should ever receive your poem, it must be about passion. Or hate. Or Anger and pain.

It must be open, straight, upright and full of integrity.
Read 4 tweets
16 Nov
The Real F**boys of Nairobi.
#IKnowAGuy
Ssn V: Ep 4.
December 14, 2014.
Mambashani, Pwani.

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Stephanie calls home to check on Kaylan, her 2 years old boy.

It is 6:00pm. The phone rings until disconnects. She gives it a few minutes, in case the call will be returned.
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#TRFNrb
Nothing.

She tries a couple more times.

Still.

Nothing.

She chills kidogo, looking extremely calm on the outside.

An hour later, she calls again. Ala? It takes a while to connect. And then now, the nanny's phone rings funny. Like… she is out of the country.

Ai... Strange.
She tries more times nonstop. She's frantic and wants to tell nanny off.

Finally, ringing stops. Just hollow silence.

She calls a neighbor, asks her to go & angalia kwani what’s up.

Neighbor says ‘Ai. Si nilidhani mumesafiri nyote? Ukweli sijaona Margie na Kaylan for a while.’
Read 66 tweets
21 Sep
The Preacher's Wife Ep 3B.
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Previously...

Mike drops Cate home after surprise birthday bash fails. Their lips decide to touch. While their lips are touching, the Pastor decides it is the perfect time to arrive home.
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#SafeIsSmart
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The Real ***kboys of Nairobi,
#TRFNrb
***
Disclaimer: This story may trigger emotions for some harm is outrightly intended. Similarity of names and situation purely coincidental.
***

Plug: This Episode has come out faster than I thought, because @Niloticbantu_ and @mumssoulfood sent good munchies.

Thank them oya!
Pastor is looking through the windscreen towards them. The kisser and the kissee are looking straight at him. Cate is praying and calling on angels for help. Pastor switches off his car. He steps out. Pauses a bit. Alafu he walks towards Mike’s car.

Mike and Cate wako statue.
Read 45 tweets
17 Sep
Meeting has kicked off.

And no. We are not kwa Kibanda ya 108. Tuko main House ya 108.

Also, msee wa SQv108 has not been invited for this meeting.

178 & Mama Tuyu are the chairs.

#SafeIsSmart
The following are at the meeting.
1. Intercessory Lady
2. Mama Tuyu
3. Baba Tuyu
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6. Mr & Mrsc135
7. 230
8. Min Moraa & Baba Moraa
9. Treasurer
10. Mrs 178
11. Gava Guy's Wife.
12. Me
13. Mr & Mrs 108.

I have volunteered to Acting Secretary.

#ChaiHaitakiUzembe
The Intercessory Lady has started with a word of Prayer.

Amesema Mungu atusaidie tushinde vita dhidi ya adui mkuu.

Me I just said Amen.
Read 12 tweets
7 Sep
It is Sunday. Second service has just ended. The preaching pastor and his wife are greeting the peoples. A decently looking man and woman stay at the back of the line

Deliberately.
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#IKnowAGuy Season IV
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#TRFNrb
***
Disclaimer: This story may trigger emotions for some harm is outrightly intended. Similarity of names and situation purely coincidental.
***
When they almost get to the pastor, several people other people join the cue. Some are even jumping the cue. They are very patient.
They let everyone go through.

Finally it's their turn. The pastor is tired, but has handshake obligations. His tired face smiles.

Small pleasantries.

Woman: We wanted to ask you to say a prayer quick for us.
Pastor: OK. Anything in particular?
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2 Sep
#IKnowAGuy: The Real ***kboys of Nairobi.
Ssn IV Ep II.

Nzisa, Sue, Terry & Joy kwa ki-SUV, doing an all girls trip to in a SUV. They are all very gojias. Somewhere on the Nairobi - Mombasa Highway, the car slows down to a halt. Way past Manyani, and much closer to Voi.

#TRFNrb
***
Disclaimer: This story may trigger emotions for some harm is outrightly intended. Similarity of names purely coincidental.
***
They know a bit about cars, so they turn away every form of help that comes along. Truck drivers, buses, even cops and rangers.

Wanabishana na gari.
They call Odhis here and Omosh there but all suggestions don’t help. Nzisa finally calls her dad, and her dad tells her to try and get the car towed to Voi.

Kidogo, a nicely done silver / grey LC79 double cab pulls up. They remember seeing it in Sultan Hamud. They’d admired it.
Read 74 tweets

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