The problem with that bobcat body slam video: unreasonable expectations by women who think they deserve a man who will body slam a bobcat for them, and men who think they deserve a woman worth body slamming a bobcat for
I mean I've protected my wife from a few rodents and garter snakes and flying insects, but whether she crosses the bobcat threshold remains a strictly empirical question
I will say this: if a bobcat ever attacks my wife in the driveway, I will spring into action of some sort
It's another one of those days that I'm happy my wife has never been on Twitter
The problem with our society is that we no longer appreciate the lovable coward
forget Bobcat Guy, THIS is the dude who is really contributing to my wife's unreasonable expectations
Wife: why can't you buy me a 46 room French chateau, renovate the whole thing by yourself while beekeeping and cultivating a massive garden from which you cook me daily Michelin 3 star dinners?

Me*: you're lucky I pay for your cable TV and bobcat repellent

*in my head anyway
Let's face it, I am the only honest man on the internet
In conclusion: rest easy Diogenes, your long search is over

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More from @iowahawkblog

17 Apr
A very happy 57th birthday from #DavesCarIDService to the Ford Mustang, born (or at least publicly debuted) this day at the 1964 NY World's Fair, and star attraction of the Ford Pavilion 'Magic Skyway' ride. ImageImageImageImage
It was arguably the most successful car launch of all time, with 680,989 1965 units sold; the vehicular version of the Beatles. And internationally considered America's national car - what the Mini is to England, or the VW is to Germany, or the Citroen 2CV is to France.
The Mustang is so iconic that I get very few car ID requests featuring them- because even among non-car people no ID is necessary. And speaking of car IDs, I again thank you in advance for respecting the guidelines: Image
Read 44 tweets
14 Apr
I get this Q all the time, and the answer is you can; just not from a dealer show room. There are plenty of independent shops who can rebuild a 53 Pontiac or whatever with all the modern conveniences, even as EVs.
And the reason car manufacturers don't do it is because it would be 100% illegal, crash safety regulation wise. Same reason most all Detroit retro designs are ultimately disappointing (at best).
I dig Jaguar's C-type / D-type / XKSS continuations. They had unused 1950s VINs for the originals, which (in the UK anyway) allowed them to make brand new replicas. Don't expect A/C & GPS, and if you have to ask the price you can't afford it.

jaguar.com/about-jaguar/j….
Read 4 tweets
14 Apr
I enthusiastically approve, but maybe they should have considered renaming it like SIXTY YEARS AGO
I mean in reality it should have been renamed A HUNDRED AND SIXTY YEARS ago, but apparently they felt naming a high school after the founder of the KKK was a super dandy idea in NINETEEN FUCKING FIFTY NINE
personally I salute how Sioux City, Iowa named its public high schools: East, West, and North.
Read 4 tweets
12 Apr
I don't care about any of these people, but if you can make 7 figures from 10,000 subscribers on Substack I am fucking out of this dump
I'm optimistic enough to believe I can con 5% of you idiots into tithing for my word garbage
*use coupon code DAVENEEDSAGULFSTREAMG650
Read 12 tweets
12 Apr
Saving this one for my next accidental liquor store crash
I think we need a Hoover Dam for the dictionary
Technically your contributions to my Patreon are now infrastructure spending, so alert your accountants
Read 4 tweets
10 Apr
How's this for a barn (OK, container) find? After 35 years in storage, 1955 Porsche 550 Spyder chassis # 0069 (nice). Hat tip to my pal @oldcrowspeed who found the 550 and is seen here bringing it out of its tomb into the sunlight.
btw for you non-car people, the Porsche 550 Spyder is (sadly) best known as James Dean's "Little Bastard" death car. Dean's 550 was VIN 550-0055, built 14 cars ahead on the Stuttgart assembly line. Image
oddly enough James Dean died in 1955, in a Porsche 550, serial #550-0055.

I guess you could say that James Dean.... can't drive 55.

I'll show myself out now
Read 7 tweets

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