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Laura Lexx Profile picture
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19 Apr, 5 tweets, 1 min read
Ffs. I have a job tomorrow writing on a topical show. A dream job. I can’t believe it’s happening this week so I have to attempt to understand why people who love football are sad about there being more football
Husband: The super league is bad for football because the cool thing about football is all levels play each other.

Me: so just don’t watch this weird closed in league? Carry on watching the old league?
Husband: But these big teams might get kicked out of the old league for joining the new league.

Me: but then won’t new smaller teams take their place so, actually, lots of big money has been removed creating a fairer eco system in the old league?
Husband: But if they stay in they’ll have all this extra money from the new league, so it won’t be fair on the others in the old league.

Me: But they’ll only have that money if people are watching it, and if people are watching it doesn’t that mean it’s a product people want?
Husband: You just don’t understand.

Me: Hang on, I’ll tweet this and then in seconds there will be a lot of people on Twitter explaining it to me

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More from @lauralexx

Laura Lexx Profile picture
19 Apr
*pssst* Klopp mate, the best way to deal with this would be to burst out of Anfield topless on a white stallion and declare Liverpool a republic (Brighton will follow)
Klopp: the leader the country has been waiting for, but what of his surly underling Mourinho? First to rebel against the evil dictatorship looming over football but never loved enough to be King
Will it be a new Mufasa/Scar situation? Or will these two unlikely heroes learn to put their differences aside and co-manage? Find out, only on Hulu
Read 21 tweets
Laura Lexx Profile picture
9 Jan
I’m quite drunk. I’m overall very sad at the moment. I’m stuck in a crevice of loathing lockdown entirely whilst also screaming for a stricter one because if we could only do it properly short and sharp we could end it all and go back to normal.
I feel really stuck between the voices I hear: yeah, I want common sense and I want to go back to normal. But, if common sense is:
a) just kill everyone below average strength
b) lock us all down hard and short

Then I choos (b)
But I’m stuck in a reality where the unbelievable decision being taken is (c): lockdown long and sloppy, kill a lot of people, incite furious arguments and dissent, kill the livelihoods of those lucky enough to survive
Read 15 tweets
Laura Lexx Profile picture
7 Jan
It’s a fascinating psychological insight that some people can:
- see actual people doing an actual thing
BUT
- be more afraid of people who are not actually doing it, but who they fear could hypothetically do it
Fearing a concept of a person more than the actions of another person

That’s a phobia isn’t it?
I’m trying to imagine Caroline Lucas setting light to a forest and me thinking “I’d rather she did that, than I imagined Boris Johnson doing it”
Read 4 tweets
Laura Lexx Profile picture
22 Sep 20
If there's a second lockdown, I would like to be the first to start all the jokes from last time again...
- Can I still get Covid-19 if I didn't see the first 18?
- January has 31 days, February has 28, March has 3924
- Cor bloody Joe Wicks
- mmmmmm banana bread/yuck banana bread
ermigerd imagine if GBBO has a banana bread technical? THE SCENES! An entire nation screaming about recipes from their crumb covered sofas
"YOU SIMPLY MUST MASH THE BANANAS YOUNG COMPETITOR WHO WILL GO OUT IN WEEK 5 DUE TO HAVING HAIRBRAINED IDEAS ABOUT CINNAMON FROM THAT 2 WEEKS YOU SPENT IN ASIA THAT ONE TIME"
Read 12 tweets
Laura Lexx Profile picture
18 Sep 20
If cowardly is not wanting uninvited interactions with dull pedants who insert themselves insultingly into light conversations in order to wank all over the perceived moral high ground THEN PAINT MY BELLY YELLOW AND POUR ME INTO A FRAIDY CAT COSTUME
“You don’t want to talk to me so therefore you must be afraid of my truth. I am powerful.” He said, in his most powerful keyboard baritone.

She looked at the words, lying bare across the screen and hesitated. Perhaps he was right?

But he wasn’t so she got on with her day
She looked at him across the internet, ‘he must be exhausted. it’s tiring work finding conversations between two women he doesn’t know and finding a way to twist them into a superiority complex.’ If only he knew someone in real life who could bring him a refreshing juice drink
Read 8 tweets
Laura Lexx Profile picture
17 Sep 20
The sort of people that complain at TV comedy would have their brains fall out of their arseholes if they ever walked into a live comedy club and saw what was said there
"Free speech is dead!" say people who only watch people talk through several filters of production and broadcast.

"Free speech is dead!" say people complaining about people speaking freely in disagreement with themselves
"The trouble is it just isn't REMOTELY funny." say people watching from a silent room, in a bad mood, trying not enjoy it with other people who also prefer moaning to laughing. The remote is tantalisingly out of reach, as is the front door
Read 4 tweets

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