School of Health Technology, somewhere in Sokoto State.
The Lecturer 1 hands over a list to the new Lecturer 2 who will be teaching Global Health and Health Promotion to the school's 300 Level students. The list has the names the 409 students she'll be teaching.
The Lecturer 1 hands over a list to the new Lecturer 2 who will be teaching Global Health and Health Promotion to the school's 300 Level students. The list has the names the 409 students she'll be teaching.
She walks into the class, greets and introduces herself. Then she writes UNICEF and WHO on the board and asks for the meanings of these acronyms. Her question is met with blank stares and head shakes. She repeats the question. The reactions are the same as before. She's stunned.
One of the students raises his hand.
"Malama," he says, "I will interpret. They don't hear you. Ba turenci."
He become her de facto interpreter and course rep, translating her English to Hausa. But his English leaves much to be desired. There are many words he can't interpret.
"Malama," he says, "I will interpret. They don't hear you. Ba turenci."
He become her de facto interpreter and course rep, translating her English to Hausa. But his English leaves much to be desired. There are many words he can't interpret.
In those instances, he shakes his head regretfully and says, "Malama, I no know. Continue."
She's been here for a couple of months, yet has never had up to thirty students in attendance. The date for exams are fixed. She walks into class for revision and nearly chokes.
She's been here for a couple of months, yet has never had up to thirty students in attendance. The date for exams are fixed. She walks into class for revision and nearly chokes.
More than 600 students have filled the class to the rafters. They've shown up for exams. After the revision, she returns to her office but is thronged by hundreds of students. They all have one question.
"Nawa ne? How much?"
"Nawa ne? How much?"
How much will she take as bribe, so they can all pass the exams?
As she struggles with shock, her course rep whispers in her ear. There's an unwritten rule - she cannot charge more than ₦2,000. Just like the rule for handouts. Can't be more than ₦500, no matter how many pages.
As she struggles with shock, her course rep whispers in her ear. There's an unwritten rule - she cannot charge more than ₦2,000. Just like the rule for handouts. Can't be more than ₦500, no matter how many pages.
An International Secondary School, somewhere in Edo State.
The accreditors from the Education Board arrive from the city. They're taken past the dilapidated school buildings to the Principal's house. There, they're treated to a lavish feast fit for a king.
The accreditors from the Education Board arrive from the city. They're taken past the dilapidated school buildings to the Principal's house. There, they're treated to a lavish feast fit for a king.
Jollof rice, meat, fish, soups, swallows and dripping bottles of very cold soft drinks, beer and wine.
"Relax and enjoy. I'm at your service," says the principal, as a smarmy grin splits his face from ear to ear.
The accreditors munch and swallow, chug and belch. Life is good.
"Relax and enjoy. I'm at your service," says the principal, as a smarmy grin splits his face from ear to ear.
The accreditors munch and swallow, chug and belch. Life is good.
For the next two days, this is their routine. One of them goes out for a walk and runs into some students.
"How are you? Which class are you in?"
"Class," says one of the students.
"Yes. Which class are you in?"
They all give him curious glances and shake their heads.
"How are you? Which class are you in?"
"Class," says one of the students.
"Yes. Which class are you in?"
They all give him curious glances and shake their heads.
"Do you understand my question?"
Before they can respond, he is joined by one of his colleagues. She speaks the local lingo. She asks them the same question.
"Oh!" they chorus in their language. "We're in SS2."
Both return to the Principal's house. They eat, drink and sleep.
Before they can respond, he is joined by one of his colleagues. She speaks the local lingo. She asks them the same question.
"Oh!" they chorus in their language. "We're in SS2."
Both return to the Principal's house. They eat, drink and sleep.
The next morning, they wake up to thick brown envelopes stuffed with naira notes. There are other gifts, as well as neatly packaged bags of foodstuff.
The accreditors return to the city and log in their official observations. Excellent school. Good teachers. Great facilities.
The accreditors return to the city and log in their official observations. Excellent school. Good teachers. Great facilities.
Look at all the typos! 😭
I apologize.
P/S:
These are true stories.
I apologize.
P/S:
These are true stories.
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