People have been bugging me for #Pickle updates a lot lately. So, as it's Friday night, here's the latest doozy.
Pickle is really angry at me at the moment. In his defence, I did nearly kill him last night. Inadvertently, obviously, but still.
/1
Pickle is really angry at me at the moment. In his defence, I did nearly kill him last night. Inadvertently, obviously, but still.
/1
Some context; I went to bed very early last night. My wife works Thursdays, and I deal with all night time child requirements on Wednesday nights. This time around, my darling daughter decided to grant me 90 minutes broken sleep in total
/2
/2
So that, plus a full day of work and solo childcare, meant I was barely conscious Thursday evening. Wife insisted I go to bed, and I should sleep in the spare room in the loft, in case youngest decides to be a terror again. Obviously, I agreed.
/3
/3
So, I'm in the loft room. Exhausted. I want to sleep, but it's hot, because July. So, I leave the window open for a bit. Eventually, I fall asleep. As you'd expect.
/4
/4
Around 1am, I have this weird and disturbing dream involving being attacked by someone wearing big furry gloves with talons.
I awake with a start, to discover that it's Pickle. He's in the room. He's decided to join me on the bed. By jumping directly onto my head
/5
I awake with a start, to discover that it's Pickle. He's in the room. He's decided to join me on the bed. By jumping directly onto my head
/5
It's a double bed! There's ample room! He sleeps on it ALL THE TIME! AT THE BOTTOM END! But no, at 1am, he decides the best place to sit would be on my (admittedly large) bony snoring skull! Wanker.
Obviously, I'm not pleased about being woken in such a manner.
/6
Obviously, I'm not pleased about being woken in such a manner.
/6
At this point, Pickle has decided he's sleeping on the bed with me
Normally I wouldn't mind, but I'm exhausted, and it's already really warm. Having what's essentially a hot water bottle in the bed, but a furry one with teeth, is absolutely not on the agenda.
/7
Normally I wouldn't mind, but I'm exhausted, and it's already really warm. Having what's essentially a hot water bottle in the bed, but a furry one with teeth, is absolutely not on the agenda.
/7
So, I'm removing Pickle from the room. But, a dilemma
It's 1am. I'm on the top floor. I can't just put him out the door, I have to take him all the way downstairs to where he can get to the catflap. I risk waking the family. Also, I'm knackered.
/8
It's 1am. I'm on the top floor. I can't just put him out the door, I have to take him all the way downstairs to where he can get to the catflap. I risk waking the family. Also, I'm knackered.
/8
But ha, an obvious solution. Put him out the loft window!
Sounds drastic, I know. But I can confirm that he can easily get up and down to the garden from there, as one of his most famous exploits demonstrated
So, it's fine.
/9
Sounds drastic, I know. But I can confirm that he can easily get up and down to the garden from there, as one of his most famous exploits demonstrated
https://twitter.com/garwboy/status/1187284559261511681?lang=en
So, it's fine.
/9
So, I go to the loft window, open it, and put the cut out through it. He stands on the windowsill, hesitantly. He doesn't want to go out. He's just being a prick, and I'm in no mood for it. So, I push him out.
/10
/10
Now, here's the thing; our roof was very old. Tiles started falling off it recently. It's one of the reasons I was worried about him being stuck up there before. Therefore, we've just had it replaced.
I hadn't considered this. Again, it was 1am, and I was exhausted.
/11
I hadn't considered this. Again, it was 1am, and I was exhausted.
/11
Look at the old roof. Worn, grooved, moss-covered, pitted.
By contrast, look at the new roof, as seen from the loft window. Clean. Interlocking. Flat tiles. Smooth.
While the new one is far better, one thing it lacks? Anything for a cat's claws to grip on to
/12
By contrast, look at the new roof, as seen from the loft window. Clean. Interlocking. Flat tiles. Smooth.
While the new one is far better, one thing it lacks? Anything for a cat's claws to grip on to
/12
And so it was, with mounting horror for both of us, that, at 1am, I saw my cat flail at the roof, with increasing desperation but zero success at any point, as he slid down with an alarming degree of acceleration.
'Oops' doesn't quite cover it.
/13
'Oops' doesn't quite cover it.
/13
But the newness of the roof was a blessing as well as a curse, because until this morning, the scaffolding was still up! Pickle soon bumped into the sturdy platform, found his feet, and was fine.
But he was NOT happy.
/14
But he was NOT happy.
/14
In fairness, he'd likely have been fine even if it wasn't there. The loft roof leads on to the roof of the extension. Pickle voluntary drops from greater heights many times a day. But he didn't know that. And at the time, neither did I. Was an intense moment.
/15
/15
For both of us.
/16
/16
I swear to God, the LOOK I got when he landed on the scaffolding and stared back at me. Cats are good at intense stares as it is, Pickle is particularly good at them already, but this one? It's amazing I still have flesh on my bones.
/17
/17
Honestly, he's been looking daggers at me all day.
Can't blame him, to be honest.
/18
Can't blame him, to be honest.
/18
TL:DR
Literally threw my cat out the window. He's not happy about it.
/end
Literally threw my cat out the window. He's not happy about it.
/end
The latest Pickle escapades, for your Saturday morning entertainment
https://twitter.com/garwboy/status/1411068217414590472
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