Thread by @craigclemens

I went to jail for the 2nd time at 22.

Not my proudest moment, but the story contains an important marketing lesson.

So here we go 👇

So at 22 I'm living at home with my Dad in Thousand Oaks, California.

Waiting tables at the local Hyatt and working a few random telemarketing jobs.

At the time, I desperately wanted to live on my own.

So I answer an ad on Craigslist looking for a roommate.

I show up and this dude named Mike opens the door.

He was a total nerd with the Star Wars t-shirt to match.

But he seemed nice enough so I signed the lease and moved in the next day.

It was a Thursday.

And Thursday was a very important day...

My favorite night of the week to hit the bar.

So I'm getting ready to go out.

I put on my 90s cologne, slick back my hair. Check myself out in the bathroom mirror no less than 12 times.

Then I hear a knock on the door.

It's Mike.

"Hey can I come with you?"

Well this definitely wasn't my cool guy Thursday night plan.

But I said yes, on 1 condition:

He ditches the Star Wars Revenge of the Sith shirt.

We get to the bar and beeline straight to the back patio.

Out there, the music isn't as loud and you don't have to swim in a pool of sweat and cologne.

So I do what most guys do at a bar....

I approach a group of girls.

Mike comes over, and I get worried.

He tells a joke, and much to my surprise, everyone starts laughing.

He's that funny guy at the party everyone loves.

Who quickly becomes your favorite wing man.

Now, you gotta realize this.

Late night in Thousand Oaks, California didn't involve baller cribs, or champagne on ice.

Everyone went to 1 place:

Denny's

So Mike and I pull up to Denny's and spot a group of 8 girls and 2 guys.

I'm friends with one of the girls so she invites us over to sit with them in a massive yellow booth.

Across from our booth, there's a big tattoo’d guy with a girl on a late night date.

As soon as I sit down I could tell the original 2 guys were pissed we were there.

They didn't want us ruining their late night "party" with the 8 girls.

So the big tattoo’d guy next to us who is eating w his girlfriend gets up from the table and heads to the bathroom.

I think nothing of it.

Then he comes back and one of the 2 guys at our table leans over and says,

"Hey man, while you were gone, this dude right here was hitting on your girl!"

...as he says this he points directly at Mike.

Mike looks scared and shrinks up against the booth.

"No no man I wasn't hitting on your girl."

Well, I'd had a few too many drinks, and didn't like some dude bamboozling my new roomie.

I regret what happened next. But my anger got the best of me.

And I stood up, walked around the booth, and BOOM punched the liar square in the mouth.

Moons over my hammy go flying.

Denny’s management is not pleased.

They scream at us to get out. I say

"Meet me in the parking lot."

So the 2 guys from the table follow me outside.

And what does Mike do?

Pulls out his camera, and starts taking pictures, of course.

I hit the other guy first, and he now wants nothing to do with me.

Then the original guy and I start trading punches like Macgregor Mayweather

(lots of air)

Then BOOM he catches me square in the mug, and not only do I drop to one knee…

It knocks my contact out of my eye.

Now, this was pre-LASIK.

Without my contacts, I was legally blind back then.

I'm down on one knee and I can hear the “Mortal Kombat” voice saying “finish him!”

And I’m waiting for this guy to drop a bomb on my head.

But then...

🚨Waaaaaahhhhhhh🚨

The cops of Thousand Oaks, California had surrounded us.

This was the highlight of their freakin’ year.

I stand up, fight’s over. I go to shake hands with the 2 guys.

But the cops put me in the back of the car.

Guys don’t want to shake hands. They want to press charges.

The cops got nothing on me, so they have the guy come up to my window, and place me under “citizen’s arrest”!

The cop says, "Sorry, now I have to take you to jail".

I spend the night in a cell, with a roll of toilet paper as my pillow.

Big fine and a few days in an orange jumper, raking leaves by the highway.

Ok, so now let me let you in on the marketing secret.

There was no life-changing lesson here.

No hidden meaning.

It was pure entertainment.

But ironically, that is the lesson.

In advertising, it doesn't matter how.

But you must grab attention.

And these days, more than ever - you must be entertaining.

You're competing for eyes with Mr. Beast, Donald Trump, and AOC

News Flash: They are more entertaining than you

Your only edge is grabbing attention with a great story.

Going to share more on this in a future thread on how Michael Ovitz revolutionized advertising.

But for now, good luck out there.

And to the good people at Denny's, and the guys I fought - I'm sorry.

:: EPILOGUE ::

Eventually I run into the original guy. We make peace. Cool dude.

A couple years later, I became a club promoter… and he became a paparazzi! I’d see him out a lot.

But I'll save the Hollywood stories for a future thread.

Retweet this tweet below to share this fun story with a friend and the hidden lesson at the end:

https://twitter.com/craigclemens/status/1412935887625723907?s=20

And follow me @craigclemens for more threads on marketing, copywriting, building a 9-figure business, and what not to do at 22