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Noah Antwiler Profile picture
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17 Jul, 5 tweets, 1 min read
#AndThenThereWasThatOneTime Spider-Man fought Blacula in a movie theater and also Blacula was Morgan Freeman.

For real. It is. Image
"Every time I drink someone's blood, I gain a freckle."
No joke, if they ever got Wesley Snipes to be in Blade 4, it'd be frigging awesome if the villain was Blacula. And still Morgan Freeman.

I'D WATCH IT.
Hell, I don't even need Wesley Snipes to be Blade. I must see more Morgan Freeman Blacula.
Wasn't there talk of rebooting Blade in the MCU? Or the suburbs of the MCU where Iron Fist lives?

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More from @TheSpoonyOne

Noah Antwiler Profile picture
11 May
Okay, so in the "World of Darkness" RPG series, God punishes Caine for the murder of his brother by... *checks rulebook*

...making him immortal, invincible, and giving him the power to do literally anything just by thinking about it.
Then God punished the rest of humanity for... *checks Bible* ...no specific reason, by flooding the entire world and killing everyone.
I think one of my favorite parts of the Bible is when Moses leads his people out of Egypt, miraculously parts the waters of an ENTIRE SEA, and the moment he goes up a mountain to talk to God, they make a gold bull and start worshipping it.
Read 7 tweets
Noah Antwiler Profile picture
10 May
Vault 131 - All overhead electric lighting designed to fail approximately ten days after vault is sealed. There are no replacement parts in vault storage. #VaultTec
Vault 140 - Vault occupants placed in ten year cryogenic suspension once vault is sealed. Cryogenic chambers of all occupants over the age of 14 are rigged to fail and terminate its occupant. #VaultTec
Vault 141 - Vault occupants placed in ten year cryogenic suspension once vault is sealed. Cryo-chambers of all occupants under the age of 14 rigged to infect occupant with Forced Evolutionary Virus. #VaultTec
Read 6 tweets
Noah Antwiler Profile picture
9 May
Watched "The 13th Warrior" for the first time in years. Very fun b-movie, feels very D&D with all its macho men and dungeon crawling.
Anyone who sees this will immediately want to roll up a Barbarian character just so they can talk all Bad Ass Norseman-like and get themselves killed while screaming "LO THERE DO I SEE MY FATHER!!"
(Antonio Banderas's character is me, because I'm that dickhead who dump-stats STR and brings a faceman to a Viking war.)
Read 8 tweets
Noah Antwiler Profile picture
8 Feb
Bilbo: Hey, Thorin.

Thorin: What now, Dumbo?

Bilbo: It's... it's Bilbo, actu--

Thorin: I know what it is.

Bilbo: I was just, well, I guess I'm a little unclear as to what my role in all this is.

Thorin: Join the fucking club.

Gandalf: We seek the Arkenstone, Bilbo.
Bifur: Aye, to Erebor, home of our people and the most precious of jewels.

Bilbo: Ah.

Thorin: And with it, our kin are restored to our mountain home.

Bilbo: How's that?

Thorin: How's what?

Bilbo: Well, I'm to steal this Arkenstone, and then what?

Thorin: That's it.
Bilbo: So the Arkenstone will destroy the dragon in the mountain?

Thorin: No, of course not.

Bilbo: So I get the Arkenstone. But won't the dragon still, like... be there?

Thorin: So?

Bilbo: And unimaginably pissed-off?

Thorin: Fucking A. I would be.

Bilbo: But... how...
Read 30 tweets
Noah Antwiler Profile picture
19 Jan
My god. This is the list of statues Trump wants in his "National Garden of American Heroes."

whitehouse.gov/presidential-a…

About a third of these people listed weren't even American.
About another third of them owned slaves, the rest notoriously opposed civil rights... I see a couple who named names to the House Un-American Activities Committee... oh, here's one who voiced support for Hitler... a rapist...
Yeah, among the biggest fuck-you entries on this list is Henry Ford: supported fucking Hitler, author of "The International Jew" and massive, MASSIVE asshole.
Read 4 tweets
Noah Antwiler Profile picture
7 Jan
It's easy to lose perspective when talking about Trump; always has been. But right now, four people are dead because he directed his supporters to literally attack Congress.

I don't think he's ever understood (or cared) that people live or die based on his decisions.
*Four people* are dead because he told the MAGA crowd to storm the Capitol and raise hell. They're gone.

I get vertigo just trying to comprehend the death toll from his idiot non-response to the coronavirus. They didn't have to die. He killed them. Over a quarter-million people.
And all he had to do was *something.*

A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G.

But no, don't test, don't worry. It'll all go away. Can you even imagine having nearly 300,000 deaths on your conscience? Can you even imagine ONE?
Read 8 tweets

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