Thread by @GuruAnaerobic

Guru doesn't usually talk about sex, dating women or the BS term of being a 'player' - those twitter accounts are dumb and mostly set up by average looking shallow men.

However, lack of 'success' with the opposite sex is a concern for some young men.

Here's what I found out:

When I was at school I had no real interest in girls; I was quite happy talking about UFOs, ghosts and science. I was very active, playing football during break or British bulldog, 'he' or 'home'. Most of my friends had no experience with girls.

It's after I left school that I started to get attention from the opposite sex; this was quite shocking as I had little of it at school. It felt good, so I went with the flow.

However, encounters were initiated by them, not me, I had no confidence in approaching girls.

When I went out with my mates we wd drink and look at the girls, but not approach them; my mates were just as pathetic as me. Yet, I noticed other kids our age who seemed to have no problem with hanging out with girls or approaching them, but they were no better looking than us.

Many things in my life have been the result of a sudden change, an 'epiphany' - this was the case with girls - one day I decided I would approach every girl, looks didn't matter, and start talking to them - the OUTCOME of talking to them was completely irrelevant, only that...

I had the COURAGE to talk to them. Further, I wouldn't prepare some cliched opening line or other slimy strategy that some other guys used. I would be completely natural and genuine; this wasn't about manipulating anyone

The next time I went out I put it into action; I overcame my fear and started to talk to the opposite sex; my mates were in awe as they watched from the sidelines, propping up the bar (eventually, they joined me; I was the catalyst for the - I became the leader).

Astonishingly, the overwhelming response was positive, I was talkative, respectful, confident and if someone wasn't interested I didn't get affronted like some fragile men do. When I say "positive" I don't mean it ended with a snog or a bang (😀) only that I had a great...

...night out, and had conquered my demons.

I had approached this as an experiment; so any outcome was data, nothing was taken personally, just feedback. My mates were loving it, I was the alpha male as far as they were concerned - ridiculous, but there you go.

As far as *this* aspect of life was concerned, the next few years were golden.

Anecdote:

I used to go out with my mates on week long drink and partying trips down to the coast or resorts in the UK. Once we spent a week in a leisure complex in Aviemore, Scotland. every night...

..we went to a particular nightclub. whilst we were at the complex I noticed there were lots of tough-looking young squaddies stationed nearby (from all over the country) who were knocking about where we were staying.

That week i was rampant (I won't go into details). At the nightclub I noticed the squaddies were propping up the bar, looking at the groups of girls dancing, they were looking tough, but doing nothing - just looking; the same as me when I was a loser.

Squaddies tend to keep themselves to themselves, they don't mix with 'civvies'.

Anyway, one particular evening i got friendly with a bunch of girls in the complex where I was staying, they decided to come with me to the nightclub.

Into the nightclub walked Guru with seven girls in tow. I felt like a king, cock-of-the-walk; skinny me, 1; squaddies, nil. The next squaddies were coming up to me and talking to me, I found it a compliment but hilarious.

The point is, I had truly conquered my fear. It was only fear that held me back. When I first approached a girl my legs were shaking and my knees were knocking, but I did it anyway. I had decided to change my life my looking it at the way I would later approach....

...overcoming a physical weakness in my training program. Pure and simple.

You don't conquer your fears by not being scared, but by doing what you are scared of regardless. You don't need 'confidence' to do something, just that you DO IT.

And most of all (imo) is to approach things like a 'scientist' take your thoughts out of the equation - there is only action and feedback, then adjustments if necessary. After a while the thing you were scared of becomes nothing at all.

FOOTNOTE:

When I first met my daughter's Mum, I got nervous all over again, I wanted to ask her out but couldn't; this is because I REALLY liked her, the consequence of her saying "no" would have been too much. She, asked me out!

This is a reminder that you have to constantly face your fears to expand your life. Your fears never stop. Once you've slayed one dragon, you have to slay another.

PS: don't show this thread to my daughter 😀🦊