Thread by @imaracingmom

Today's thread
It weighs heavy on my mind.
It's all about weight.
It's on my bucket list.

When I was 3, I was a tiny thing. I had white hair and people used to ask my Mom if I was an albino! It would later turn to a golden blond, then dishwater blond, then ash brown, and now it's very grey. I weighed 25 pounds and was put on a medication to make me eat more.

Once puberty hit, I started turning into a chunky monkey. Everyone joked that the pills I took as a little kid must have gotten stuck. Once the active play of childhood was replaced by a love of books, I was no longer burning many calories. I didn't participate in any sports.

I was told my doctors that I'd never be able to have kids. Tom was my 5th pregnancy, and is my only biological child. I miscarried my first 4 pregnancies. I told the doctors when I got my shit together, God would give me 1 child. A boy with blond hair, blue eyes and freckles.

And as a child, that is exactly what Tom looked like. He was a cute little guy. And tiny like I was when he was little.

When I got pregnant with Tom in 1984, I weighed 198 pounds. When he was born in '85, I still weighed 198. Other moms were jealous. All I could think of was the 1000's of times I puked over those 9 months! My body doesn't like being pregnant.

I grew up poor. Mark and I were barely scraping by. Mark had kids from a previous marriage. We made the choice to make sure we wouldn't have anymore kids, so we could make sure we could provide for the kids that were already here. I had my tubes tied.

For the many years I worked in restaurants with lots of time on my feet and moving around, plus busy raising a child, I hovered around 200 pounds. In 1995, I quit the restaurant industry and started working at a c-store, which is mostly just standing around.

I started packing on additional pounds. By the fall of 2019, I weighed 250 pounds. The world isn't kind to fat people. Fat is probably not a politically correct word, but it is what it is. Fat, overweight, obese.... they're just words and they all make a person feel crappy.

Since Covid hit, life has been super sedentary. I don't even get the exercise from walking around stores, as we've done everything curbside / mail order to limit exposure. I had to buy bigger clothes. A few days ago, I stepped on a scale for the first time in over a year.

I felt sick when it said 284.6! Geez, 300 is right around the corner.

It has been on my #BucketList to lose 100 pounds since I hit 250, and it still is. I don't know how I'm going to do this, but I'm going to start by making small changes in my life.

I'll never forget years ago, sitting in the doctor's office crying about my weight. My family tree is full of mostly really big people. My doctor said it's in my genes and I should accept myself as I am.

I don't think that was the greatest advice.

Growing up poor, you grow up on the cheap fillers to prevent hunger. Bread, pasta, rice, and potatoes was the bulk of our diet. I love carbs and crave them all the time. Add in how much sugar I consume.... yeah, not a healthy diet.

I live with the world's pickiest eater. He eats very few kinds of food, hardly any meat, and lives for potatoes. When we met in 1984, he was 6 foot tall, 135 pounds and wore a 29 inch waist size in his jeans. I'm guessing his metabolism is a bit different than mine!

Old age has given him a "beer belly" even though he stopped consuming alcohol after our first date. But he still has his skinny chicken legs! LOL

I'm tired of not liking what I see in the mirror. I'm tired of being ashamed. I'm tired of the stigma that reigns down from the world's fat judges.

I'm not getting any younger. The clock is ticking, it's time to start on the #BucketList.

#100pounds 1 pound at a time.
~The end