Thread by @monkeyspawgames

A TIMELINE OF THE [fantasy world]
- The Founding
- war
- war
- war
- something happened with magic?
- war
- The Event (you know the one)
- post-Event war

THE KINGDOM OF [too many vowels]
everyone is WHITE and BRITISH. primary exports are GRUEL and WAR. literature, music and other art are nonexistent. a religious order called the TEMPLARS...

THE EMPIRE OF ORIENTALIST TROPES
the are from the EAST, even though this world is like, oblong or some shit. they wear FUNNY HATS. we just mashed together a bunch of SEA/MENA tropes together. it is an EMPIRE. we know they're the BAD GUY because SLAVES.

[600 pages of HISTORICAL LORE about the only thing white nerds care about, which is WARS. do these people ever eat? there would be no way of knowing.]

LANDMARKS
the CITADEL is the heart of the KINGDOM and thus, WESTERN CIVILIZATION.
there is a MOUNTAIN RANGE called like, THE SPINE. there are DRAGONS. there used to be DWARVES.
there is a FOREST. we don't go into the FOREST.
there are ELVES. they pray to a TREE.

KICKSTARTER
we want $5000 to print this. it is 5e compatible.

it will fund in 6 minutes and break 6 figures.

THE CAST
- White

STRETCH GOAL
at $90,000 we will expand the section on the EMPIRE, including:
- COMBAT STATS so you can MURDER EVERYTHING
- TREASURES, to take from corpses
- NEW, FOREIGN MAGIC, which uses BLOOD
- 600 pages about their MATRIARCHAL RELIGION that is basically just ISLAM TROPES

at $250,000, you get a BAG. we took CROWN ROYAL BAGS and added a DECAL. it smells like ASS.

there is ONE OCEAN. it is called the GREAT OCEAN. there is at least one [BAY/SEA/LAGOON] OF STORMS.

there is the MAIN CONTINENT. it is EUROPE.

there is the BAD CONTINENT. it is ASIA.

there is the WILDS. it is AFRICA, but like, a 3rd-grade, Lion King + Jungle Book Africa.

EQUIPMENT SECTION
featuring:
- 22 slight variations of SWORD
- GUN (from EMPIRE, BAD)
- AX (no e)
- BOW (uses dex)
- BOILED LEATHER
- 17 kinds of MAIL
- GLAIVE, GUISARME, GLAIVE-GUISARME
- "RATIONS"

RELIGION
- "NOT CHRISTIANITY" we've replaced JESUS with THE SUN
we kept all the iconography and language, though
there are TEMPLARS
MAGIC is OUTLAWED

- "OTHER"

MAGIC
- the COLLEGE OF MAGIC
(wizard tuition?)
- FIREBALL
- MAGIC MISSILE
- SUMMON DOGS

MAGIC is a key part of society in TERRAGAIA. it is used for WAR and also DIVINATION, to determine when the next WAR is.
we could use it to revolutionize industrialization, but we don't.

PRIESTS can cast HEAL.
there are lots of PRIESTS, and this doesn't seem to require study or resources the way magic does, and this entire book is about fighting, but there's no concept of how magical/modern medicine would impact "medieval" warfare.
PRIESTS can also DETECT EVIL.

LONG AGO, THERE WAS EVIL.
we "defeated" the EVIL, but every 1000 years there is another WAR. is this a commentary on the pervasiveness of evil, or how wars against concepts of morality are ridiculous conceptually?

FUCK NO.

https://twitter.com/theziggyed/status/1430941419087216645?s=19

there is a hell. it is called HELL. it is ruled by THE NAMELESS ONE, who has like, 600 names (this is the only way different cultures are differentiated). most of them are just different ways to say SATAN.

https://twitter.com/Kinas_Ten/status/1430945164986552323?s=19

ECONOMY:
- FEUDAL
- everyone is DIRTY and POOR
- the local bodega sells 200,000gp worth of MAGICAL WEAPONS
- every town has a DUNGEON a 6-hour hike away containing 3d6 x 100 gp worth of gems or coin, guarded by TWO SKELETONS
- everyone uses the SAME COINS

RACES
HUMANS:
- white

ELFS
- pretty
- tree
- also white

DWARFS
- beard
- runes
- yup

HALF-ELFS
- always 50% human
- mom is always an elf
- you guessed it

DRAGON
- the femmes have tits
- no homeland or culture
- mmhmm

ORCS
- brutal
- savage
- "warrior culture"
- shamanism

GODS:
JESUS

MAGIC
- woman
- mysterious
- sexy

EVIL MAGIC
- woman
- bondage
- more sexy

WAR
- male
- "honor"

HUNT
- male
- has antlers
- wolf

https://twitter.com/LapisLunaris/status/1430947445337468929?s=19

STRETCH GOAL
at $500,000 we'll release a supplement on THE EVENT: THE WITCH PLAGUE, when the MOON WITCHES cast the HELL HEX on the MAGIC GODDESS to bring the UNDERHELL up through the SHADOWDARK, creating HELL HELL. ruled by the DOOM LORD, HELL HELL...

EVERY SUB-KINGDOM:
- One CITY "THE CITY"
- divided into QUARTERS, of which there are either 3 or 5
- THE CASTLE is right in the middle
- CITY WATCH, bc there were definitely cops prior to the 1800s
- probably no sewers
- if there are, there RAT PEOPLE
- everybody is POOR
- SLUMS

- there is both a THIEVES' GUILD and an ASSASSIN'S GUILD
- no that doesn't mean they are regulated or legitimized
- nobody pays taxes
- mostly these people just murder each other
- THE ELDERS need to speak with you

the BANK GUILD secretly controls everything (NOT A DOGWHISTLE)

THE DOCKS
- ships coming in from a variety of exotic lands, all named but never ever described
- the only export is WAR so who knows what's being traded here?

- you can buy a scroll of fireball at the bodega
- absolutely nothing about food, music, art, or culture
- BROTHELS

MAGIC, CON'T
- works different between MEN and WOMEN
- (men are stronger, obv)
- something something GODDESS OF MAGIC something THE EVENT
- the COLLEGE OF MAGIC is the only source of magic knowledge CAST A SPELL = CORRUPTED by HELL HELL

- ... what about trans wizards? uhhh ...

MAGICAL CREATURES
we have:

GOBLIN
- tiny
- unchecked industrialization
- only builds war machines
- culture? uhh

we also have:

ORC
- big goblin
- "warrior race"
- how does a "warrior race" feed itself? uhhh
- SLAVES
- biologically evil

EVIL ELF
- black
- but not like... you know
- cursed by the SUN/JESUS
- sexy

EVIL DRAGON
- finds gold and sits on it
- so like a big magpie

SPIDER
- big

DEMON
- from HELL HELL
- you know, like from the bible
- yes jerry I've definitely read the bible
- no its def in there

$1,500,000 stretch goal - NEW CLASSES!
we have
- DIFFERENT FIGHTER
- EVIL WIZARD
- DIFFERENT WIZARD
- ORIENTALISM (different)
- GUN

PEOPLE OF TERRAGAIA
REGULAR
- humans

FRENCH
- also human
- maybe elf?

GERMAN
- human
- REALLY loves WAR (you know those Germans)
- one dwarf

HORSE PEOPLE
- GOOD
- the Best Cavalry

DIFFERENT HORSE PEOPLE
- BAD
- ORIENTALISM (new)
- BOWS
- no word for "thank you" (rude)

ADVENTURE:
- you meet in a TAVERN
- SUDDENLY!
- many things to STAB!
- journey to FOREST, MOUNTAIN, and CITY
- choose one of three endings! (GM decides)

https://twitter.com/Endy_fx/status/1431270387753553925?s=19

$2,000,000 stretch goal: ADVENTURES ON THE HIGH SEAS
featuring:
- TWO KIND OF PIRATE (man and sexy)
- TWO KIND OF MERPEOPLE (monstrous and sexy)
- SEA ELF, SEA DWARF, SEA GOBLIN, SEA ORC, and SEA HUMAN (spanish)
- CTHULHU

https://twitter.com/JR_HuffinStuff/status/1431420516531798020?s=19

$2,500,000 stretch goal:
DEATHFORT FROM HELL HELL

horror campaign setting! featuring:
- VAMPIRE (sexy)
- OFFENSIVE ROMANI STEREOTYPE!
- BIRD (spooky)
- WEREWOLF
- WEREBEAR
- WERESNAKE
- WEREFISH
- IMPLIED SEXUAL ASSAULT

$2,750,000 stretch goal: DESERT EXPANSION!

featuring:
- HAREM
- EGYPT
- ORIENTALISM (new)
- MAGIC LAMP
- PYRAMID

New Faction! FREEDOM FIGHTERS against the EMPIRE!
These shrouded warriors emerge from the sands on horseback, wielding CURVED SWORDS!
also, NO WOMEN.