Thread by @ResilienttHuman

How to STOP Beating Yourself Up

(Learn the psychology behind self-criticism and stop it for good)

= THREAD =

"If you don't love yourself, you cannot love others."

- Dalai Lama

Mistakes are how you learn and grow.

So reflecting on them critically can be useful. It helps you to glean out the lesson.

But do you know when it becomes a problem?

When you don't stop there.

When self-criticism stops being a strategic tool.

And becomes a way of life.

You put yourself down all mistakes - even when they are inconsequential.

You treat yourself as a pack mule, with criticism as your whip.

And it leaves scars.

This never-ending stream of self-criticism has consequences.

It leads to chronic anxiety, guilt, and even depression.

So what can you do about it?

Here's how to stop beating yourself up:

TL;DR
1. Criticize in Writing
2. Tune-up Your B.S. detector
3. Stand Up to Inner Critic
4. Anticipate Triggers
5. Stop Bull-Whipping Yourself
6. Follow Other Golden Rule
7. Keep Some Ammunition Handy
8. Visualize Yourself Being Kind
9. Become Mindful
10. Be Grateful to Yourself

1. Criticize only in Writing

Self-criticism happens in your mind.

The trouble is, your mind is fast.

It can bombard you with tons of criticism in a short while.

And each of those thoughts gives you a dose of anxiety.

Criticize yourself on writing instead.

There are two benefits:

- You cant criticize yourself nearly as fast

- It gives you perspective. It shows you how insignificant some things really are.

2. Tune-up Your B.S. detector

Your self-criticism logic is often riddled with holes.

They often don't hold up to basic scrutiny.

Catch yourself when you make these wrong statements about yourself.

Ask yourself - "Is this really true?"

Stop letting yourself get away with them

3. Stand Up to Your Inner Critic

If you're into chronic self-criticism, the voice of your inner critic becomes gospel.

You start to believe what it says.

You start to believe you are not good enough.

The antidote is to stand up to that critic.

Just like what you would do to a real-life bully.

Bring up counter-arguments and past evidence in your support.

Don't give up an inch without a fight.

4. Anticipate the Triggers

Keep an eye on your patterns.

You get more self-critical when you feel ambushed or surprised.

If you keep an eye on these triggers, you can avoid being ambushed.

This can prevent nastier cycles of self-criticism.

A little awareness goes a long way.

5. Stop Bull-Whipping Yourself

Self-criticism is really hard to get rid of if you rely on it for motivation.

Because that's the only way you've ever known.

But that doesn't mean it's true.

Stop treating yourself as a dumb animal.

Find better, reward-based ways to motivate yourself.

You will see that you can function even without beating yourself up.

6. Follow The Other Golden Rule

The Golden Rule tells you to treat other people the same way you would like to be treated.

But there’s the Other Golden Rule:

"Treat yourself like you would treat a good friend."

If your friend screwed up, would you come down hard on him?

No, right?

Apply the same standard to yourself.

Next time you are hard on yourself ask yourself:

"Would I treat my friend the same way?"

7. Keep Some Ammunition Handy

Brainstorm your top 10 personal qualities:
- What do you like best about yourself?
- What are you proud of?

Rank your top 10 favorites.

Review them every week.

Shove it down the throat of the inner critic the next time it shows up.

8. Visualize Yourself Being Kind

Elite athletes visualize their perfect runs.

This is how they get into the zone and outperform themselves.

Steal that technique for yourself.

Visualize the kindest person in your life sitting next to you.

Now imagine sharing what you're struggling with.

How would they respond?

Use the same tone and words on yourself.

9. Become Mindful

Mindfulness is the skill of being aware of your thoughts.

You can strengthen that muscle daily.

It's as simple as being present while taking a walk.

Focus on the sights and sounds.

Why do you need this?

Because being mindful helps you focus on what you should be doing instead of berating yourself.

It helps you disengage from cycles of self-criticism.

10. Be Grateful to Yourself

Keep a self-gratitude journal.

Write one or two things daily about you that you're grateful for.

You often take out time to compliment others.

Why not do the same for yourself?

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