We were taking a cab in Belfast, and the driver said that be careful when we got out, because there would be shoes on the sidewalk and tourists trip on them in the dark.
We thought he was taking the piss…why are there shoes on the sidewalk?
1/
We thought he was taking the piss…why are there shoes on the sidewalk?
1/
And he said, it was Saturday night, and the girls would go out drinking in high heels, realize they could no longer walk in them, take them off, forget they are carrying them, and leave them on the street.
This sounded like horseshit, so we scoffed a bit.
2/
This sounded like horseshit, so we scoffed a bit.
2/
He said, no, it’s true, and sometimes girls who could not afford nice shoes would go along the streets where the clubs and pubs were and just grab up the orphaned shoes…weirdest of all, they would often find just one shoe of a pair, and would frantically look for the mate…
3/
3/
We got out and thanked him, we were going to a gluten free restaurant on a busy street.
Not ten seconds later I almost tripped on a pair of bright red high-heeled shoes, left abandoned on the sidewalk.
4/
Not ten seconds later I almost tripped on a pair of bright red high-heeled shoes, left abandoned on the sidewalk.
4/
We laughed.
But years later, it still seems weird.
People drink everywhere. But I have never heard of anywhere where abandoning shoes is like, just a thing that happens all the time.
Is it? I don’t drink but I have never seen nice new shoes in the street anywhere else.
5/
But years later, it still seems weird.
People drink everywhere. But I have never heard of anywhere where abandoning shoes is like, just a thing that happens all the time.
Is it? I don’t drink but I have never seen nice new shoes in the street anywhere else.
5/
Seriously…why the middle of the sidewalk?
And why go barefoot in a busy city street, ewww.
And if you KNOW you might leave your shoes, why wear nice new ones?
Better yet, why wear high heels?
THESE QUESTIONS HAVE HAUNTED ME,
6/
And why go barefoot in a busy city street, ewww.
And if you KNOW you might leave your shoes, why wear nice new ones?
Better yet, why wear high heels?
THESE QUESTIONS HAVE HAUNTED ME,
6/
We decided they are ghost shoes, shoes worn by ghosts who eventually found their best hook-up with a mortal, so after a night of carnal bliss, they ascend and leave their earthly possessions behind, which we decided are shoes and ghost condoms.
7/
7/
Ghost condoms are like regular condoms but at the climactic moment, they say, ‘There is no orgasm, there is only ZUUL.’ And the mortal hook-up freaks out and runs out of the alley screaming so there’s no awkward moment when the act is done.
8/
8/
This is why having a writer spouse is never a good idea.
End/
End/
• • •
Missing some Tweet in this thread? You can try to
force a refresh
